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Help Me Please X 5 the new beginnig
October 27, 2001
11:55 pm
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blueyes_co
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Randy,
How can I meet someone "just like you", for friendship, dinner and a shoulder to cry on. I am in Denver. Any poniters for a women with five children (3 in college)just turned 40 and I am taking care of myself. Please!!!!

October 28, 2001
12:27 am
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ranmar1
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Well, Denver is part of my area of business that I cover,,,,,,,,but really, if you have followed my threads, which date back to the beginning of this year, from shock of my now ex telling me she's bored, doesn't want to be married anymore, wants the "thrill excitement and lust", and knows she "lives in a fantasy world, but wants to live the fantasy", to finding out she has been sneaking around with another guy, who to this day, she still tells everyone he is just a friend, while everyone including myself know otherwise, knowing she is totally narcisstic, consumed with herself, obsessed by her own looks, fighting her age of 41, flirting and dressing provactively, acting like Brittany Spears instead of a mother, then you will know that it is a true learning experience on my part, as to what never to allow myself to fall back into, after 15 yrs of marriage. I've learned to take things at face value, not pretend or compromise myself, my values or morals, and to trust my instinct. Blue eyes, there are people out there that truly don't have ulterior motives, not looking to take advantage of others, respecting the other person, sharing equal values and morals. They are out there, I'm sure. I too, am looking for those people only. If I can find some to be friends, then everything else should take care of itself. My soon to be ex is a total lost cause, and I no longer have to be responsible for her actions or behavior. She has to live with herself and what she has done. I too, will be able to live a happy, full and good life, while sharing custody of my girls. I look forward to meeting someone who will want to share my feelings, love, tenderness and compassion someday. I hope I do. But in the meantime, I will continue to work on myself, gaining back my self esteem, knowing I am in control of my own destiny. Blue eyes, you are in the same position. Nobody can hurt you if you don't allow them to. Shut those people out, seal them out of your life. Welcome those that want to share themselves with you. Ladeska is so wise, I truly admire, respect and love what she says. I even carry around some of her postings. This site has been such an inspiration and support for me. Please continue to post here. I welcome your feedback, and enjoy sharing with you and everyone else. It's my way of giving back to those that gave to me when I was at bottom a couple of months ago.
Stay strong......write back...Randy

October 28, 2001
8:50 am
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Alena
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Randy, I sure like your style.....
*smile.

I think you're doing all the right things and I'm just so delighted when I read your posts these days. Actually puts a smile on my face. Feel like I've been following the birth of a new life, your struggle to get back on your feet after being knocked off of them so brutally, and only being able to dust you off from afar. Make sense??? Anyway, I think most of us women here admire you and your ethics, your morals, just your entire style.

And what, you don't think you can cover the Denver area? Spreading yourself too thin??? hahaha, c'mon don't let California have all the fun!
I'm laughing as I write this, I'm so tickled that you have your life coming together and these women are e-mailing and clamoring to get in line.
I'm proud of you....

If your question is, should you see the client? If it isn't like, unethical, then sure. Would there be a problem with your business? Otherwise, sure, see her, experience it all. Just continue on your plan, slowly, and don't put all of your feelings into just one person real soon, as you are still vulnerable, it would be too easy to see someone as a refuge, someone to erase the pain. Truth is, you still need to experience the rest of this situation before it's over. Go for it, have fun, life is so short. NO commitments, just so long as you're honest with these chicks, enjoy it all.

October 28, 2001
11:49 am
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ranmar1
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Alena, I know you can appreciate where I've been and where I am now, since you have been one of my supporters all along. It's people like you,Ladeska, Molly, Gingerleigh, and the rest of the group that has really kept me somewhat balanced, not losing perspective of what is really happening, and where my feelings are headed. I know I'm in a vulnerable position right now, so I approach everything cautiously. I know I am not in a position to trust my feelings totally to anyone right now, just want to go with the flow and see what the world has been doing, while I was "married" for 15 years. I know a lot has changed, some good, some bad. I don't know what to expect, and feel like a "duck out of water", but that's okay. It's better than any other alternatives right now. I get a real kick when I get responses back such as yours, Blue Eyes, etc.. I wish we could have one big get-together, and just lean on each other in person........Best to you....
Randy

October 28, 2001
12:01 pm
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ranmar1
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Hey, I just remembered, I didn't tell the group about. Yesterday, when I took my oldest to her dance lesson (2hrs worth-whewww), the office manager comes out and starts talking to me again. She tells me that Earl, about a year and a half ago, saw a dance instructor, 21, and got all excited. He wanted to meet her, and the office manager told him to back off, grow up, she was too young. That's when he then focused on wacko. In addition, the manager tells me Earl and his ex divorced, because Earl got caught fooling around on her. His ex is about 15 years younger than him. She comes into the studio once in a while to drop off her daughter when she has her, and is remarried with a new baby. What a suprise.........not.
I then told the office manager thanks, but I really don't need to know anymore about Earl, how wacko and him were sneaking around together, etc.. I already knew everything I wanted to know, and it was a known fact by everyone what she and Earl were doing. She reassured me she meant not to hurt me, and just wanted me to know there will be a total blow up of destruction between the two of them. I told her I really didn't care anymore what happens to wacko, it's not my problem anymore, and I'm moving forward with my life. Then she proceeds to tell me that she knows of two mothers, divorced, that would love to know I'm separated and going to divorce.......What in the heck is going on in this world????
Randy

October 28, 2001
9:41 pm
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blueyes_co
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Randy
I love reading the interactions between yourself and all of us. This gives me hope, I just wish I would have found this site a year ago, this has been going on for a year too long. You all give me hope and realistically I know that someday, I to will be happy. But for now, I need to find myself again and concetrate on all the good in my life, it is right in fromt of me. Also, it is amazing how my older children have been so supportive and forgiving. I put them through hell the last seven years. It is over, and the future is now. Keep me posted.

October 28, 2001
11:10 pm
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ranmar
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blueyes_co
Sometimes it takes us longer to figure things out for ourselves, even though it is obvious to everyone else. I think we get so caught up in the emotional upheaval, that we are blinded by what we already know. I know I am speaking from experience in my own situation. You will find that as you continue to post here, things will become more apparent, or will be brought to your attention by others that care, and have nothing to gain, other than wanting to be a helping hand and lending an ear. I only hope I can reciprocate and give back to you and everyone else, that which everyone gave to me. There is so much good in life, I am a true believer. I wasn't when I was consumed by my shock, anger, fear and denial. Reality was so clouded over, until I started to see things for myself, with the help of everyone here, and my friends and family. Stay with us, you are about to embark on a great discovery, yourself.......Best to you.
Randy

October 29, 2001
11:38 am
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mari
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Hey Randy. I think you should definitely ask Cheryl out again. I also think you should go to dinner with the client. You said yourself, you're not looking to get remarried tomorrow or anything, so what's wrong with meeting new people and making new friends? I say go for it. Also wanted to let you know that you're quite an inspiration. Every time I feel that little "bitter bug" sneaking up on me, I think of all you've been through and how positive you are now. It makes me realize that if I stay angry, it's only hurting me, not him. Karma will take care of him, I need to take care of me. Your girls are lucky to have a dad like you. I have a terrific dad myself. I'm 31 now and believe me, I remember every single thing he did and still does for me and my sisters. We women really appreciate a good dad. So, have fun and keep up the good work.

October 29, 2001
12:17 pm
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Molly
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Deaf, dumb, and blinded!!!!!!!!!!!!! ugh lets not forget emotionally distorted 🙂 See Ms SouthAfrica, and the client, although that could turn out to be tense, and as far as ms dance instructors hook-ups I would stay as far away from that as possible, especially if you want, and I do suggest you keep your life to your self. The girls don't need to deal with the interferance, and confusion. With the dance instructor, heck, wako will know in a New York second. You sound great Randy. I am convinced Sibil is mentally or physically ill, you just don't shift your personality that quick. But I am still moving foreward.

October 29, 2001
2:56 pm
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alcaustin
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hello everyone, i am new to this site, i am a 20 year old male from ohio. on sept 4th of 2001 my gf and me broke up..we would of had our 1.5 year anniversary on sept 21st..we didnt' break up mad at each other..things just were not the same.. here is a problem..i have not got over her yet.. AT ALL..i didn't always show my love for her the way i wanted to because i was scared, she was only my second gf..my first one lasted 8 months. that one was easy to get over with..this girl her name is andrea..i have not stopped thinking about her..i wake up and think about her..i get free time i think about her...before i go to bed i think about her..i realized now (since our breakup) how much she meant to me..i could honestly say that i would die for this girl and i could honestly say that i want to marry her...since our break up i have gone through major depression and everything..at one point i lost about 15 lbs...and i was lacking sleep..i finally got straigtend up but then when i would talk to her i always said something to mess things up.... suicide has crossed my mind a few times... everday my love for her grows stronger and stronger..and i can no longer deal with it.. what should i do?? i want her back.. i need her because i love her...and can honestly say that i want to marry her.. please someone help me.. email me at [email protected] if u want to

October 29, 2001
9:05 pm
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ranmar
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Mari,
See, I never knew how many "friends" I've had following these postings, thank you. I just want to try and remain on an even keel emotionally, spiritually and physically. I feel I've been dragged down so low in my life, that there really isn't any alternative, but to fight my way back the only way I know how to. With everyone at this site, the fight back has been made a little easier. I am going to meet the client tomorrow night for dinner, and to share our "war stories" as she puts it. I guess she just needs an ear to listen to what she went through a couple of years ago. Isn't this what friends are all about? I'll probably give Cheryl (South African) a call on Tuesday or Wednesday, just to say hi, and see where the conversation goes. I can't beleive what is happening now. Today, I am in Las Vegas, returning tomorrow. My client I saw today, heard through the "grapevine" that I was separated. He immediately asked if I was dating yet, because he had someone in L.A he and his wife have known for quite some time, divorced with a 12 yr old son, and would love for her to meet someone "special". I responded graciously, and said I will keep him posted as to where I am at. I can't beleive all these friends wanting to introduce people they have known for quite some time, not just a quick fix up. I guess there are a lot of quality people out there, just not knowing where to turn, to find others wanting the same thing. I am going to take my time, meet people, rediscover the world unbeknown to me, and see where it all goes. AFter 15 years of marriage, and thinking you know someone, it still is very frightening to me, and I am still very saddened and hurt, so I know I need to be cautious and careful. Austin, you need to post on your own site, so we can all address you directly, and not get lost in these postings. I would love to see you post, so you can get the tremendous feedback, support and friendship I have gotten here. Stay with us, and hang in there. It really does get better. Beleive me, I've been where you are.......Randy

October 30, 2001
4:30 pm
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Ladeska
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Randy - sounds like you've got a good outlook right now and I would be cautious if I were you. But, not too cautious. Just like you are - leaving the door ajar - leaning back and taking everything in.

I guess we have to actually write down what is we want now - when we are in this spot. It can make things alot easier. Like asking yourself - do I really want a mate, or do I just want a companion? Do I want someone who will be a mother figure to my kids or do I just want to keep my relationship with them separate? Introducing them as friends maybe, but not putting them in any "positions" prematurely. Do I date a few people at once here and just survey things....or am I really ready to focus on one? And what are the qualities that I want in a woman? And what qualities will I absolutely not accept? What are my goals for my life and how would a woman fit into these plans?

We have to get our "bearings" so to speak. Otherwise, we sort of aimlessly take off again and think we can sail the ship without proper planning.... So, take some time now, while you don't have your heart strings all wound up in someone and chart your path, ask questions and write down your answers. Refer to them often as you meet people and draw closer to them.

October 30, 2001
10:48 pm
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ranmar
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Ladeska,
I feel so honored that you respond so eloquently to my postings. I am not in any position to want to start a serious relationship with anyone right now. You are right, and I already am aware, I don't even know what I would be looking for. As for my daughters, I have no intentions whatsoever of introducing anyone into their lives right now. They are still getting their own bearings as to what is going on between mom and dad, and are at a very fragile time in their lives as well. It would be totally out of line for me to bring in someone else right now. As for wacko (their mother) they already suspect Earl is in her picture, even though she continuously stands by her line of him just being a good friend and someone to talk to. Yeah, right.Meantime, they have already drawn their own conclusions on it, and I am just going to let them have their own opinions for now. I on the other hand, want to continue to set a positive role modeling role for them. Thus, no outsiders being introduced at this time.
Best regards. I'm back home for two days, then off to Albuquerque and Santa Fe.
Randy

October 31, 2001
6:19 pm
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ranmar
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Happy Halloween everyone. I am taking my youngest out tonight. This is the main reason I flew back into town last night, so we can keep our tradition going. Off to Albuquerque tomorrow. Stay safe everyone.
Randy

October 31, 2001
6:28 pm
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Ladeska
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You, too! Have fun with the little darlings!!! And don't raid their bags either. BAD Daddy! Dress up and get your own!

November 1, 2001
12:18 am
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ranmar
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Ha, we scored big time tonight. Hershey chocolates, skittles, oh my. She and her friend made a haul. Mom stayed in the house passing out candy. JUst as well. I don't think they let wacko's out on the street tonight, to much competition. Have a good one.
Randy

November 1, 2001
8:35 pm
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ranmar
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Here in Santa Fe, New Mexico. Spent the day working in Albuquerque. Got up here late, so couldn't go out and look around tonight. Will meet with my acct tomorrow morning then spend the rest of the day looking around. I dusted off my old camera and brought it along. My "friend" Cheryl, the one from South Africa called and left a message today to say hi, and to call her tonight. The client cancelled the dinner appt., and will reschedule. Wacko is acting so coooool, like nothing ever happened. How dillusional. Anyways, I go through spells of being really happy about revamping my life, and then come back to missing what I once had. I know this is normal, and to be expected. I just try to remember all the crap I compromised on, and what really went on, and then I'm brought back to here and now.
Best to all
Randy

November 2, 2001
12:36 pm
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Molly
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Yea, remember what you once had, a lie!!!!! Frame it. The other stuff was just an illusion. I have always wanted to go to Santa Fe, I hear the art is great. Wacko, is wacko, what do you expect? Sibil is Sibil !!!! Some things don't change, but we can.

November 2, 2001
9:06 pm
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ranmar
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I just had the best time. I came here, to Albuquerque, then Santa Fe, wrote some really good orders, and then took the rest of the day off today, to look around Santa Fe. I took a walking tour with two other people and a guide. She pointed out the architecture, the history, and the different cultures intertwined here. Then, I took myself out to a great New Mexico family owned restaurant, The Shed. I had the best dinner. It was a little uncomfortable watching other couples, holding hands, enjoying each other, coming in, while I was at my own table in the back of the dining room. Oh well, I guess this is part of the readjusting.I'm now back in my hotel room, leaving tomorrow morning to go back home. I'll stop at an account on the way back from the airport, since I have no plans for tomorrow night. Cheryl never called me back when I left two messages, per her request. I guess that's okay, because as I mentioned before, I don't think there was anything other than a potential friendship, but I think she wanted more. I just don't think I'm ready for any of this yet. What a lonely feeling to be in. I guess I need to really work on being happy on my own. My kids are my priority. That is where my focus will be. Hope eveyone is having a good weekend. Look forward to your postings.
Randy

November 4, 2001
9:21 pm
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ranmar1
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Hey, I'm back home with my girls........hooray. This is really tough, but as long as I keep busy, things are okay. Wacko asked to join us for dinner last night, when I took the girls out, so I obliged. Not much conversation with her, but she was rambling like nothing ever happened. Boy, what is she thinking? I'm here this week with the girls, so it's busy time, running car pools, making dinners and breakfasts, etc.. That's okay by me. I actually enjoy it. Hope all is well with everyone else.
Randy

November 5, 2001
12:23 pm
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Molly
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Sounds like your right on track, and yea being busy is great. Did a 12 hour shopping marathon with a girl friend in downtown LA, and then met up with friend I have know for 20 years for lunch on Sunday. Great weekend, Sibil said he was working Saturday, but then said he had to work Sunday ??? What ever. But all I saw was his hiney on the sofa, doing what he does best,surfing the sports, oh well, let the house fall down. I had a great weekend.

November 5, 2001
6:54 pm
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ranmar1
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Hey Molly, there is life after all the crap and separation. Today, at mediation, wacko says she can't make it on 4K per month. I said I was having just as hard a time, and that she would need to live with it, maybe even breakdown and get a part time job. She says she wanted to wait until her school is over, in June, I responded, then it is by choice that she chooses to live the way she does, not my problem. The mediator agreed. Wacko just doesn't have any feelings about anything anymore. Even the mediatior told her she was treating the meeting like a nail appt..She is so immature and out of touch. I think it needs to get a lot tougher for her before she really gets it, if ever. Meantime, I have the girls this week. I'm running my butt off. Even the mediator told me to try and have a little fun time for myself, and not to try and be a martyr, by doing it all. I responded that for now, this is my job, my responsibility, until I know my girls are okay and stable with the whole situation, then I'm worry about "fun time". It's off to carpool ........talk to all later.......Randy

November 5, 2001
7:04 pm
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Molly
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Unless she puts that new chest equipment you paid for to work, she is in for yet another rude awakening, like the $8-12 per hour she is going to be offered for her time. yea, she's gonna slide from Nordstroms to the 99cent store, alrighty. I'm sure despite the fun you are able to have, the travel, the changes, the extra car pools are more than likely evidenced in your eyes. But you sound ok from here. Glad the mediator backed you, reality check for Wacko, ugh ugh I can't live on 4k my asssssssssssssssssssssssssssss. What I could do with that, or any one else that wanted to be free from the chains of family responsabilities, sure hope you don't have to pay for her stress counseling for ever, she is gonna have some. Lol

November 6, 2001
12:10 am
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ranmar1
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Hey Molly and everyone else. Look in todays L.A. Times, Lifestyle section, page 2. There is an article about having an emotional affair, not physical or sexual, while married. They may as well have put Wacko's picture in it. It described her to a TEE. It was so right on, I thought maybe I had written it and forgot about it. I cut it out, and put it in with the pile of wacko's mail. I put a note stating, " Now maybe you can understand where I am coming from, refer to this article often if you dare". I know it isn't worth it, but it gives me validation in knowing what I already knew. Does this make sense to you? As Ladeska previously stated, I have to continue to work on sealing off the infection, and continue to work on cutting the chords from wacko. Since she shows no emotion whatsoever, and as the mediator stated, treats the sessions as if at a nail appointment, unless it has to do with the money aspect, I find it easier to resolve that I need to get away from this infection as fast as possible. I need to continue to focus on the kids. My having fun will come in time. Best to all......
Randy

November 6, 2001
4:49 pm
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mari
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Hey Randy, how's it going? I completely understand you putting the article in Wacko's mail. I know a lot of people think that just ignoring the person is the best way to handle the situation, and most of the time, that is true. But sometimes, we get an opportunity to sort of "rub it in" and it feels good. That's ok to do once in a while. I have been completely vindicated in my situation and it only took 11 days for my ex to screw up royally. Everyone told me that I probably wouldn't even notice when he did, but I noticed and it felt GREAT! So, I completely understand that when you know you're right, you want that other person to see how right you are. Again, we don't want to be gloating constantly, but a little "in your face" is just fine. I hope I'm making sense to you. I just don't want you to think it was a mistake for you to put the article in her mail, because I really don't think it was. It was harmless and it made you feel vindicated. Anyway, it sounds like you're doing pretty good otherwise. Keep up the good work!

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