Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

No permission to create posts
sp_TopicIcon
Help Me Please X 5 the new beginnig
October 11, 2001
11:23 am
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

The needing to engage thing....is poison for you Randy. It also shows that you are still looking for something...a reason, an explanation, needing to understand what and why? Otherwise, you would stop with her and stop people in their tracks like Alena said.

But, that's all part of what their poison does to us. We have the lingering effects on our person, in our head, hanging onto our heart with nasty clinging vines - tempting us to come get one more does of yuch - you'll feel sooo much better if you do, etc., etc...

You won't, you'll feel sick from it and hate yourself in the morning. It's hard to look at someone you once loved and really understand the crap that you have been through. It has an unbelievable factor to it that just needs to be explained to you somehow. You won't get that understanding you want by taking another dose of poison. If you leave the door cracked at all - the insidious stuff will seep right on in and toy with you.

At some point you have to seal the door and realize that evil in this world - wherever you find it - isn't going to make sense to you because - it doesn't play by your rules or adhere to - your moral code...about "anything". So anytime you try to apply the pieces of information you get from her or anyone else to your template for understanding - it's not going wash and you're going to look at the deep caverns of void in all of it and keep reaching out to make some sense out of it...

For people like this - there doesn't have to be "any sense" to it. The human predators don't always kill because it's hungry, it kills for the sport of it, for the sick pleasure in it. Will it make sense to you? No. It probably never will. That kind of sickness, twisted lack of conscience, manipulation, deceitfulness, etc., etc. - you just need to get away from and cut as many connections and strings as is possible. And be vigilant about what little ears hear and see. Enough poison, Randy. Disengage all the way around and protect yourself. The implosion you are waiting for may or may not arrive, but just by you waiting for that - you are playing into her hands again....she's still got her hands in your life. The fact that she's so void - is implosion enough.

October 11, 2001
4:10 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ladeska,
Tremendously said.....I have printed your posting. You are so right. I do need to disengage in anything that has to do with them. They are truly poison, an infection in which I wish to not be infected by. After 20 years
though, I guess I am holding on to the past, realizing it was the past, not the present nor the future. I've known her from the past, I don't know her in the present, and certainly do not want to know her in the future.Ladeska, I know I am having difficulty dealing with my rage and anger. I don't show it, and certainly am aware of it around my girls. I just don't know how to get this toxic feeling out of me. Maybe it's too new. Tomorrow is another mediation meeting. Last time, I think I played it cool by just sitting back most of the time, and letting the mediator lead, instead of engaging with the ex, who is all about me, me, me.....I will take your posting with me to refer back to. It makes so much sense, to just ignore and let her strangle on her own sickness. Just help me get rid of the rage. I think I'm realizing that I'm not only pissed at her, but maybe more so at myself, for allowing myself to fall into her "sickness and infection", by trusting and believing what she told me all along......who knows......Thank you again.........
Randy

October 11, 2001
7:05 pm
Avatar
Alena
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't think there is any way to escape the anger. I think it's very necessary for you to join a group, or see a counselor one on one. This wasn't just a situation where she comes to you and says honestly, Randy, I'm not happy, we need to work it out or divorce. She lied, maybe cheated, for the last what?, 8 months?
You had hopes of fixing this, she led you to believe it was possible. She continually had you spinning, she put you through so much pain and confusion. There was such a more humane way of coming to this end. You have every right to feel angry, but not at yourself. We don't stay happily in marriages by always wondering if our spouse is lying, or cheating, or hiding something. You were comfortably married, and trusting.

It takes alot of energy to keep digesting "he said, she said". Don't waste anymore. When you feel the need to dish out some pain of your own, what will really send her reeling is when she sees how mentally and emotionally stable you are without her. She will do double takes, trust me. You wont have to say a word to her, you wont have to do a thing. Your silence to her and your cold shoulder will say it all. Your lack of "needing her to survive" will
bore a hole right through her. I somewhat feel sorry for what I think she will be facing here shortly. Because even if she manages to hold on to Earl, I think your ex sounds like she is searching for something that just isn't out there for her. But that's her problem. Don't ever let it be yours again. Stay connected to family, friends, dive head first into a hobby too, not just work and the girls.

October 11, 2001
8:00 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alena, thank you. When I ignored her the other night at back to school, it made me feel more in control of myself, not wanting to pretend anymore. I found this to almost be of comfort, ignoring, walking away from her, etc.. I didn't even sit by her. When she came and sat down behind or next to me, I got up and moved chairs, away. You are right though, as was Ladeska, the best revenge is to show how un-needed she is, and how independent and happy I can make my life with the girls. Right now, I can't be concerned with hobbies or having "fun", although I did last weekend. When I travel, I'm going to invest in a little camera, and start taking pictures of the areas, just for fun. Maybe start a little album. Tonight, I sat with my older daughter, and apologized to her if I was acting short or upset, not wanting to direct it toward her. I told her how angry I was at her mother for certain things that don't pertain to her, and that I will always be there, wanting to talk or just listen for her. She asked if her mom was having an affair, and I responded that it was an unfair question to ask me, she should save it for her mom if she wanted to know. I told her when she graduates from High School, we will go out for coffee and I will tell her whatever she wants to know then. She's smart. She already knows what the deal is. How could she not. Her stupid mother showed her all the signals......I think she is resentful, but still, wants to maintain somewhat of a balance between the two of us, which I totally understand. I'm making a real effort to stay nuetral, and not say anything negative about their "mother". They will or have drawn their own conclusions about the both of us. I kept Ladeska's last posting, and will refer to it over and over. It really gives me strength to review it and attempt to live it.
I am so lucky to have what I have right now, my daughters, my friends (including the ones here) and my family. Everyone has been unbelievable, supportive and wanting to lend an ear if needed. I now need to move forward, and not dwell or talk about it so much. Have a great evening everyone. I'm off to my youngest ones' school for a meeting with the "GATE" program coordinator, the advanced/ gifted program she is in. Yesterday was coaching softball and taking the older one to dance lessons, where the office manager told me about all the rumors regarding wacko and Earl. I confirmed it to them, and she said that everyone knew wacko was losing it, and has fallen into the grips of a master of deception. They have known Earl for over 8-9 years and has seen his workings over and over. Oh well, not my problem anymore. Wacko (aka: Brittney Spears wanna be) will have to deal with it now......She blew it here.............Randy

October 12, 2001
12:00 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thought you would like this one. Upon going through my records this morning, I found a surgical proceedure quoteation for $500 from back in May, while I was out of town. Wacko had a quote done on eye lid surgery from a plastic surgeon. How vain can you get. She is going to fight her age as much as possilbe (41)I guess I should not be suprised.This first week with my girls has really been a busy one with the shuttle service I have run, cooking fresh dinners every night except for one (pizza nite), and making sure everyone is okay and doing some kind of chore around the house. I just wonder if wacko will undermine everything when it's her turn next week to have them. The best revenge I can show, is how un-needed she is. Not once did I have to call her for anything..I've allowed my little one to call her whenever she wanted, usually every morning before going off to school, and some of the evenings. The older one probably has spoken to her twice to three times for the week. I heard from my oldest one that last week, when I was travelling, and I had a run in with wacko over the phone, she (wacko) went outside to bawl, and my oldest one found her there. Wacko tells her to not ever get married. What an idiotic statement. I told my oldest that it was an unfair statement by her mother, and that her mother has a problem with being married, and that she should not make a judgment based on what her mother can't do.Today is mediation. My plan is to go in, not say anything to wacko, unless asked by the mediator. She is a speck of lint that needs to be brushed off of me, and ignored. I'm hoping one or two more sessions and we are done. The only consolation is that wacko has to pay for half of all cost regarding mediation and filing, so now she can't milk me anymore. She'll have to get it somewhere else, and I think we all know who that will be.......Bye for now....Randy

October 12, 2001
12:10 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Randy....glad I made sense to you, could only say all that because I've gone through similar things. As far as the anger thing is concerned - one thing I've done in the past and shared with others as a way to vent anger - is to collect bottles - find a private place where you can throw them one at a time (wearing goggles of course) at a concrete wall. (Bring broom and bag to sweep up afterwards.) Do it in a place where you can do the primal yell - and you need privacy to do this so you don't feel inhibited.

Name every bottle, hold it for a few minutes and think about certain things regarding a person, yourself, whatever and then throw it at the wall with everything you've got and let the rage come out in a yell or scream that comes from the pit of you.

Feels good....feels very good. That side of your body will probably be sore the next day - but it's worth it.

Anger comes from two places here - one is that she deceived you and the other is that you allowed it. You need to forgive yourself for that second part because - we can all be deceived and the one that is closest to us - gives us the least chance for good perspective. The other thing is - it's not about you or what you weren't for her or anything else in that category. If she was honorable and had issues - she just would have said - let's work it out, or can't do this anymore because of this and that, let's split.

But, instead she was dishonorable - giving much credence to the fact that - the issues that have deeply wounded here lie within her and her own character. Her deception is about "hiding that ilicitness from you and everyone else". Well - gig's up. She's seen now for what she is.

If you just have issues that need ironing out or you have fallen out of love - an honorable person - comes face to face. A dishonorable person scapegoats immediately, evades the light of truth at all costs, deflects off the subject, blames everyone else and then retreats out of reach. This is the behavior of a guilty person.

In a very real sense - you've been delivered of something... A counterfiet has been in your inner circle and is now exposed and gone. Forgiving yourself for not seeing earlier or whatever - should be easy would you look at - what's really happened here for the long run.

All charmers and liars are good at deception, at least for a time. We are all fooled by them, at least for a season. But counterfeits aren't able to keep the glitter in place forever. They know how to stroke you and they know your buttons. Be very glad that - you've rooted her up and out of your life.

Your life force is much like that of a body of water that needs certain elements to be in place in order to stay healthy. You're a bit plugged right now - damned up - the river is slowly moving around the debri. So, get it moving. It has to "flow" - dumping poison and bringing in new life and nutrition. Always remember that when you are trying to do an emotional or spiritual action - you need to compliment it by doing a corresponding physical action - thus the throwing of bottles and screaming. You're moving it "out" of you and naming it as you do it. A deletion of files so to speak.

This isn't a contest between the two of you. It's about you choosing - to not have her in your life because she is not worthy or honorable. To wish her harm - brings poison back into your own person and life. Her own actions - will have due consequences.

To "live well" is the best revenge.

So go unplug - let it rip somewhere. Scare yourself - let the demons fly. More room out than in. Holding the poison close to you - won't make you understand it any better. What is void - is just void. It's empty, lifeless. Cleanse yourself of her...it will take time - be devoted to it. Do things that nourish your spirit, your heart, learn to "be present" in the moment. Read, listen to good music, find a place in nature - that only you visit. Do something creative and new. Bring laughter and being a bit whacky - back into your life. Be spontaneous with your girls and "listen" much to them....don't preach. They need this from you. Loosen up Dude. (smile)

October 12, 2001
7:45 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, Ladeska, how much do I owe you for this session? This is better than counseling. Today we were at mediation. I felt good not being caught up in her toxic behavior. Everything she requested, (every xmas week to be hers with our daughters, every Thanksgiving at her parents house, not having to be liable for half our tax bill this year) was shot down by the mediator. She says to the mediator that I am not the same person she knew....duhhhhhhhhhhh
I responded, yeah, I'm smarter, wiser, and more in touch with what is really going on and what has happened. That put a real pissy look on her face. It was funny but today, she shows up with almost a white bleached blonde, and a "school teacher looking sweater" on. I think Earl has his hooks in big time, doing what I was told would happen, controlling what she wears, how to handle things, etc......The mediator asked who was going to be the one to initiate the filing and I said promptly I was. She said in order to make the divorce final for 2002, it has to be filed by May. Wacko says she is in no hurry, I responded the sooner the better.......let's get going with it.Our next sessions could be the final one, discussing financial ramifications of cohabitation on her part, and the potential for her having spousal support reduced based on the amt. of income she earns. I'm in control of my life now......thank you........
Randy

October 13, 2001
3:38 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, as a recap, this was really a pretty good week. It was my first week with the girls alone. They had a fresh home cooked dinner every night except one, which was pizza night. They had a real breakfast every morning, and my youngest had a home made lunch to take to school every day this week. I'm leaving tomorrow for High Point, North Carolina for a trade show, and wacko now takes over with the girls. I hope I was able to show them what it's suppose to be like after only the first week. I know it will take longer, but I want to show them there is a difference. I never left them to go out at night, other than a school meeting for an hour and a half. I've had two different calls from friends wanting to "fix me up" and I declined both offers, stating I wasn't mentally there. When I get back on the 23rd, I come back to my girls, we'll decorate the house for Halloween, and then they go to wacko that Sunday. That Monday I'm off to Las Vegas for 2 days business, back on Tuesday night. Wednesday I'll take the younger one out for Halloween, then the next day, go to Albuquerque until Saturday. I'm going to spend an extra day there so I can go up to Santa Fe and check it out. Back to my girls the next day, then fly out the following week for the Pacific Northwest. As I mentioned, I just want to immerse myself in work for now, when not with the girls. It's productive, I don't have to sit around thinking of them, etc.....My new name for wacko is Brittany, as in Brittany Spears. I think this is her idol, and she wants to be like her, at 41. I've taken Ladeska's posting and carried it with me, knowing Brittany is poison, and to try and distance myself from it. I even referred back to the printout during mediation yesterday, reminding me of what was sitting across the table from me. I will take my laptop and stay in touch for the next week. I hope everyone is doing okay......
Randy

October 15, 2001
8:58 pm
Avatar
ranmar
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi everyone. I'm in North Carolina. Just checking in with everyone. I already miss my girls, but I'm use to it with the travel I've been doing. I talk to them about twice a day. When wacko answers, I just ask for the kids, not asking her how everything is or anything, I've just sealed the door on her, per Ladeska. It makes me work through the day a lot easier. Hope everyone is good. Best.....Randy

October 15, 2001
9:45 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ummmmm That has to free up so much time, I am so damn stuck in limbo. Now with the real estate market flopping,ain't much going into Molly's non-profit get a life campaign, and way too much free time. I am going up to see one daughter this week and hopefully see the other as well, never know for sure. So, I hear its really beautiful where you are, compared to So. Cal. whats it like there?

October 16, 2001
3:04 pm
Avatar
Ladeska
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Randy - It’s good to see you are - where you are. Isn’t easy, is it? Yeah, I know. Disengaging is hard. But, when you do - they lose quite a bit of control with you and they know it. Is a silent slap in their face that - has a loud ring to it. They understand it very well. But, once the string has been cut that deals with your feelings to her, about her - then what’s left? Not much except - what you see is - what is. Then you can call it - just what it is and move on. But as long s you - you try and understand it, get a fix on it, equation for it as it pertains “to you” - then she can toy with you for a long, long time. That’s where we screw up. It isn’t “about us”, but as long as we think it is - they have us right by our ego and drag us through one mud hole after another one. When we get smart and stretch out our hand with the knife that cuts these nasty strings to who we are - then - the ballgame’s pretty much over and they are back where they started.....looking for another victim to suck life from.

After awhile - Enough is just Enough and we need to be DONE. Our No needs to be No and our Yes is Yes and everything we do needs to be PRO-US and Pro - your children. Your Ex - is responsible for herself and her choices. Any brainpower wasted on her - is wasted life. So, I’m proud of ya, Dude. Not many people really get this one and actually employ it and blast out of Never-Neverland. Stay on the path - it’s one of healing and she will do a nose-dive into a pile of crap somewhere - never fear.

October 18, 2001
6:04 pm
Avatar
1dvsgirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Randy - I am new to these boards and after reading this thread had to go back and read the others. You've been through quite a journey with "wacko" and it seems as though you are finally taking the right turns in the road to get you and your kids where you guys need to be. I will let you in on a secret - when you go through as much as you and your ex have gone through together and you get to this point a lot of things about her are going to be so much clearer than they've ever been. Don't let yourself get drawn into the hate/wishing bad things circle cause it's mighty tough to get out. You get advice from lots of friends much wiser than I on these threads. I just wanted to let you know that I have the utmost respect for what you are doing with your family and I will keep good thoughts for you as you continue in the process. Please make sure you post when everything is final and I'll make sure to pop a cork on my favorite Merlot and drink to your freedom! Take care....

October 19, 2001
8:55 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey everyone, thank you for your thoughts and wishes. I am really feeling pretty good, and I guess it shows somewhat. I'm back here in North Carolina, where I am around people in my industry, that I've know for quite some time. It is amazing how many people have heard what is happening in my life, and that's okay. I can't believe the support and talks that some people are offering, unsolicited at times. SOme of these people want to "fix me up" but I've told them thanks, but I am not too sure I am ready for that right now. I've talked to my girls at least twice a day,and everyone sounds okay. I look forward to getting back home on Tuesday, and being back with them. I'm trying to not project what my life is going through right now, and focus on business when not home. It seems to be working. Even though business is soft, I'm having a pretty good show. I've made a lot of new friends through the new areas I am covering, and look forward to the travel. I haven't talked to wacko since Tuesday, when she told me some trivial crap about the kids, and I asked if she was done talking, then responded again, "see ya" and hung up. I really don't miss her. That sometimes scares me that I don't have the missing feelings, despite all the crappola I've been through. Maybe it's because I've also started thinking of all the times she did things or told me things that I now question. I don't dwell on it though. I would rather start thinking about working through my feelings, and wanting to get to a point where I can meet new people as friends only. It would be nice to be able to call someone to go out to dinner with or a movie, without any ulterior motives. I'm sure that will come in time. No hurry. Meantime, I don't even care what wacko and Earl are doing anymore. They deserve each other, and will have to put up with whatever lies and crap they have set themselves up for. Wacko thinks we are going to become friends. B.S. I don't have friends like that. I've been told a good phrase here in NOrth Carolina, " You don't drink the milk that's been spit in." I guess it's one of those southern things...who knows.....Anyways, home on Tuesday, off to Las Vegas on Monday of the following week, home for Halloween, and then off to Albuquerque and Santa Fe on Thursday, back on Saturday. Oh, I was approached by another manufacture to represent their line of furniture while here, that is manufactured in Italy. They are probably going to fly me to Italy the end of November to tour the factory with a couple of others. I can't believe it. I've always wanted to visit Italy. Things are turning out unbelievable. I really consider everything that has happened as a blessing in disguise. All these opportunities happening, it's all for a reason I'm sure......I hope this posting finds everyone in good spirits and good health. Look forward to being home, but with a laptop, home is where ever you want it to be..Take care......Randy

October 19, 2001
11:15 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

yo, yo, Randy, hey if you hear of anyone hiring, I be looking quick like, gotta split soon, but need pay. My brother, traveled representing furniture sales, is that what you do? Sybil really messed up my comfey slow and get it together program, we actually said the D word to each other last night, and I asked what the settlement would be he said 1k, and nothing after that, since he suggested the night before that I talk to a lawyer, I called, and when he said 1k, I said don't go there honey, I will supoena your computer, accountant, and the entire corporation, he said he would sell overnight, and bury it deeper than bin laudin. Before we went to bed, it was up to 5k, but I had to be out by Sunday with the dogs, and my stuff, I said think again, I will leave when I am damn good and ready, its just that I am going to visit my girls which he calls a vacation, I could take the dog, but not fair to girls and their lease agreements. And hope the locks haven't been changed before I get home. Gonna check on things up north, Ventura-San Simeon. How does that song go, I gotta get out of this place if its the last thing I ever do............
Hey I didn't miss him the last time I left, and wont this time, when you have been, deceived, and your heart shattered, and lived in the hell we have , gosh, what is there to miss?
I am ready, really really ready, and don't much care if its the 1k or 5k, or just with the shirt on my back, well maybe.................? Grounded, and moving foreward. I realized over the last couple of days, just exactly what my time has cost me, that sudo comfort level, has been chewing on my soul, can you imagine that, something you can't really see or feel, but I am aware now, and don't want to give it any more.

October 23, 2001
5:04 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Molly,
As you know, I've been to Hell and now am on my way back. You are in a no win situation where you are. Welcome to Hell. Now it's time for you to put the ladder up, start climbing out of it, and leave him there to figure things out. Sounds familiar, huh? My wacko ex, is on her way down big time with Earl, and the only one that doesn't know it is her. But you know what, after what Ladeska, you, Alena, and everyone else have pointed out, if you aren't looking out for you, who is? I am in Wholesale furniture sales, and I love it. Unfortunately, the economy isn't supporting it, but hey, it's okay, it's a living. I just got back from High Point, North Carolina, trade show, and I feel good. Met up with my associates there (the boys) and also am being introduced to a single lady in the next two weeks who is suppose to be well grounded. Meanwhile, yesterday, I get an email from a lady who was given my address by a friend of a friend. She is 42, divorced, two kids living with her part time, originally from South Africa. She emailed me a picture as well, quite attractive, and said she was told about me, and wanted to just touch base. I almost fell backwards like a little kid. I was so flattered. I'm going to call her tonight, just to visit. I know it's all so new, and I also know that my situation has to be concluded, but at the same time, I look forward to being able to just pick up the phone and ask someone out for a dinner, a movie, or just talking without an ulterior motives. It's been so long since I've been able to just kick back and relax. I have the girls this week, so I have my dinner menus all planned out. This really is not that hard to do. Between my travels, business, taking care of my girls, and hopefully getting some kind of social life, things are okay for now..........Molly, I didn't believe it either, but you know, things really do have a way of happening for the best. Go with it, trust your instincts and your intelligence. I know you are a bright, caring and smart lady, use your gifts accordingly......Randy

October 23, 2001
8:10 pm
Avatar
Alena
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

See, Randy, all things happen for some reason. I'm so glad to hear the zip in your voice, (okay, so in print)
....(smile)

You're enjoying your girls, your job, welcoming some old and new friends into your life....I'm so glad you're continuing to move forward....way to go. You've got the stuff to survive and be better than ever...now, go enjoy your journey, you've earned it.

....HUGS

October 23, 2001
10:14 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alena,
Thank you. I guess I'm having one of those good days. I actually have had some of them more often lately, just being around "the guys" at the trade show, and so forth. Wacko is so lost. She had to come by to pick something up tonight, and she looks like she has aged so much......tired, drawn, etc.. Oh well, not my problem anymore. I'm moving forward with this whole process, which she initiated. Maybe this is another thing I should thank her for down the road........Best regards.......Randy

October 24, 2001
2:50 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

This whole economy thing is a real blow to curb that crazy old shoot from the hip I can do anything !!!!
But I am in motion, despite the fact, that he is reading and working the Relational Rescue, if nothing else, hope he gets some sort of picture of where he is at, and why I am where I am at. Your absolutely correct, its a no win situation all around. Had a great time with my girls, still feel so estranged from them, and just have this awful pit in my stomach that as long as I am out here, it will never do anything but grow further and further apart. Great news as well, the youngest is back on track with consideration of medical school!!!!!!!!!! Despite it all, I must have done something right, the oldest is so independent, and doing her home work to get into Graduate school, while making a ton of money working. For some reason, I feel really grounded, go figure. You sound that way too, hard not to smirk when you get the opportunity, isn't it. Not that you really wish for evil, (hmmmmm) but when you see what the choices cost them, oh well. In the mean time, I am working out at the gym as much as possible, to get the energy up, hmmmmmm could be responsible for the grounding ????

October 24, 2001
4:43 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Alright, Molly. Now you sound like someone who at least isn't blinded by the headlights, but willing to start making some motion to get out of the way. I guess we all get into a paralysis at some time, and then we start to react accordingly. Just remember, trust your instincts. You know what has to be done. Nobody will do it for you (God knows, I found out)> After you realized you were not going to die, you now can start to think a little more clearly.......
Go MOLLY!!!!!!!!!!!
Randy

October 25, 2001
12:04 am
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, tonight I took my older daughter to her dance class, the one in which wacko's "just friends" daughter is in. As I waited outside with my youngest, Mr. Moral (Earl) pulls up to wait for his daughter. Since I suspected it was him, because of the physical description, I just stared at him, while he sat with his car idling. He looked over once, and then looked straight ahead, for five minutes. When his daughter came out, he turned that Explorer of his around and shot out as fast as possible. Proof, you can slither away and try to run, but you can't hide. My younger daughter was sitting outside with me, and she looks at me knowing that I spotted the jerk, and ask if I ever spotted him, would I kick the
crap out of him? I answered no, I didn't need to. Now, why do you think she would even ask? Because she too suspects what her mother was up to, I feel. It wouldn't be worth my energy to take a swing at such a loser. Better yet, I hope the two of them treat each other with as much respect as she treated her marriage. LOSERS!!
Meantime, I'm going to continue to move forward, without having to compromise, worry or concern myself with these disgusting people. I don't want them in my world, infecting the good with their sickness. Ladeska is so right, seal up the doors and prevent them from infecting anymore.
I'm feeling pretty good about going out with friends for dinner, movie, whatever. I'm meeting a lady who was originally from South Africa, this Saturday night for coffee. I was introduced via a friend, so it will be good just to interact again. Hope everyone is doing well. I know my tone may sound bitter, but truthfully, I'm learning to push out the hurt and anger, and move forward into a better life......Best to all.
Randy

October 25, 2001
10:09 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey, I just served dinner to my two girls, homemade meatballs and spaghetti, with a fruit salad. They both said they really loved it, and wished "mom" would make things like this. Wow, I felt like I died and went to heaven. I'm feeling so good right now. I'm meeting for coffee, someone that was referred to me, by a friend. She is from South Africa, 42, and with two grown kids, on Saturday night. Then, one of the companies I represent, the owner wants to introduce me to a close friend of theirs, 40, self made business woman, and supposedly very nice. I'm really starting to feel like I have something to offer as a friend, and that wacko never really appreciated or knew what was here. Her loss. I'm off to Las Vegas next Monday, back Tuesday, tick or treat with the girls on Wednesday, then back out to Albuquerque and Santa Fe on Thursday, Friday, playing there on Saturday.
I think I have this routine down pretty good. I'm actually looking forward to June, when we will sell this house, and I can buy my own, somewhere in the area, smaller, but just mine with my girls. Hope everyone else is feeling pretty good.
Randy

October 26, 2001
6:13 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi guys. Saw the wacko today at Parent Teacher conference. Somebody shoot me. I'm looking at a 41 year old Brittany Spears wanna be. Only her face looks old and drawn. I guess that's what lies and sneaking around will do to you. I must have said three words to her. Ladeska is totally right, seal her off from me, avoid being infected anymore, cut the strings. It's working. I really looked at her from a distance and saw a pitiful, sad person, faking her way through the conference. I'm meeting a new lady for coffee tomorrow night, while the kids are away at their friends, first time in 11 months. I think I'm ready to meet some new friends.......Keep you posted. Randy

October 26, 2001
7:08 pm
Avatar
gingerleigh
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hiya Randy,

I haven't checked in with you in a while, but I'm really glad to hear that things are going well for you and that you are feeling overall positive about things.

I'm sure you are really looking forward to meeting the new people, that's great, get out and meet some nice folks. One word of advice which I'm sure you already know... keep it light and let people get to know you, the real Randy, the one that is separate from all the hurts and anguish. I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this, right? Don't let wacko-tacko color your evening in any way. If she comes into your thoughts, just focus on the warm cup of coffee in your hands and the friendly eyes across the table.

Please do let us know how it goes! I hope that your coffee companion turns out to be interesting company and a gem of a person, so that you can start building up those healthy social circles again.

October 26, 2001
9:16 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Gingerleigh,
There you are, I was wondering where you wondered off to. Without having my guard up, and as my counselor said today, take the time to get to know someone, like an interview with a client. Don't reveal all about yourself at once, and don't expect them to either, otherwise, there is a red flag. I just want it to be a casual, non-threatening event. I am so long overdue to just kick back and relax with someone in casual conversation, about happy things, not the past. You are right, in that I plan on not focusing on the hurt that was inflicted by someone else, but focusing more on what is here and now.
Thanks......it's good to hear from you again......Randy

October 27, 2001
9:54 pm
Avatar
ranmar1
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay guys, I need some feedback from you. Today, I met with Cheryl, someone who contacted me via email, from a referal of a friend. She is from South Africa, 42, divorced, has a grown 21yr. old daughter going to school in Tucson, and an 18 year old son, going to school in Santa Barbara. She was lovely, not pretentious, not flirty, just sort of inquisitive, not much make up or outlandish dressing. We talked for about an hour and a half, about politics, business, and her coming to America 12 years ago. At the end,I mentioned that I hope she wasn't disappointed, and if I could call her during the week, and she said she would be delighted. Wow, I was nervous, even though it was just a meeting to make sure neither one of us was a mass murder. I think she was pretty straight, but cautious, as I was too. Meantime, I have a client who is 52 (I'm 48) who knows about my separation and impending divorce, that asked me to dinner this Tuesday, upon my return from Las Vegas for business. She said she would like to take me out and just talk in general, on a social basis. I said okay, but I would pay, she insisted she pays, then we agreed dutch. I really want to take everything in stride, go slow, and just develope a good friendship with these people for now. It's all still to new to me. I'm keeping it from my girls. My counselor suggested I do so, since they don't need to know, and it certainly doesn't need to get back to wacko. He said if she found out, she could go even more wacko than she already is, despite what she has done. I agree. So I am being discreet. It's funny, but I thought I would feel some kind of guilt going out, but I didn't. Maybe this is one more step in severing the ties to wacko. Who knows.....Off to Las Vegas on Monday morning, back Tuesday night, dinner with my new 52yr. old friend, trick or treating with my daughter on Wednesday night (youngest) and then off to Albuquerque on Thursday, Santa Fe Friday, and staying over to play in Santa Fe, returning Saturday afternoon. I'm thinking of inviting Cheryl (south african lady) out for dinner that night. What do you guys think?
Randy

No permission to create posts
Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
50 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109389

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

dflzDazy, rjycnfynbysxDazy, gapVar, vbnifDazy, dbnirfDazy, nfkbyfDazy

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer