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Help Me Please x 4 Randy
September 7, 2001
9:15 pm
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gingerleigh
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Dinner? Heck no, I'm still gunning for the bottle party we should throw somewhere on the west coast. What a sight *that* would be! Much better than still sitting at work at 6:15pm on a Friday *smirk*

September 10, 2001
11:14 am
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ranmar1
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Hey group, what a weekend. It's Divorce all the way. No separation, reconciliation, whatever. I can't beleive the depths this wacked out person has gone. Saturday night, I'm driving home with just my two daughters, after visiting a sick aunt. My oldest starts up a conversation with me, saying she was feeling really guilty about something, and didn't know is she should say anything. I responded by telling her she can always talk to her mother or me about anything, and that it was her choice to say anything if she wanted to or not. She then said, she has been feeling really guilty, because the day after her recital, her mother said she would take her out shopping with her. They went to a major center, and who, by coincidence should show up, Earl, her "just male friend." Then, last week, her wacked out mother tells me she is taking my oldest daughter to the mall to shop for a prom dress. Well, she took her to a local center, where they met up with Earl and his daughter, and got into his car, to go to another center. Wacked out mother then proceeded to shop for Earl's daughter's prom dress and clothes, while my daughter tagged along, with no shopping of hers. Wacked out mother tells her own daughter, not to mention their trip to me, unless I asked. My daughter was feeling so guilty, she asked her best friend about it, and her friend told her she needed to tell me, because she now suspected her wacked out mom was doing something inappropriate. My daughter was even told by wacked out mom, that Earl is just a friend, and that dad doesn't beleive it, and went through her cell phone bills to check on her. I was driving along, maintaining my composure through all this, and told my daughter, to remember when she thought her mother might be having an affair, a couple of months ago. Then I told her she was a very smart and perceptive kid, and that she should draw her own conclusions. I also told her that her mother had no right to use her for cover, and to put her into the middle of our situation. When we got home, I confronted wacked out woman alone, and told her how dare she do what she did. I told her all she has done is hurt people, her own kids as well, and that she should just pack up her crap and go move in with Earl now. I told her she was a sick person, with no concern for anyone but herself. I told her that her whole family is going to know the truth, and it won't have to come from me. I told her that everyone knows she has been having this affair, except for her. The next morning, yesterday, I went back into her room, and told her to keep my kids away from this [email protected]%hole "boyfriend" until we are final, and that I have called the mediator to change our filing to a divorce. She then tells me the following. You need to sit down for this one. "It's your fault for what has happened because you never set any boundaries down for me, and allowed me to do whatever I wanted, go out to dinners, parties, trips, shopping, and you didn't give a care." "You are going to drive me to Earl." I told her she was an immature 12 year old, and that most adults her age, know how to set boundaries for themselves, and they can be honest and truthful enough to know right from wrong, but that obviously isn't the case with her.
Last night, she called a family meeting, and apologized to the kids for putting them in the middle, and said that she is the one that wants to not be married to their father anymore, and that dad is filing the divorce. She told them that for now on, she will not take them along when she goes with Earl, and will not tell them where she is going, just like she doesn't want to know where I am going. She told them this is between their father and her, and that they are the most important ones that should not be involved in any of our disputes. I just listened, and smiled, thinking what a sicko, can she get any worse than this? Yesterday, she signed a lease on an apartment, finally. So, I think we are finally going to start the physical separation. I am so looking forward to it. I can't stand to have her around anymore. My youngest one, during the meeting last night, says in front of everyone, mom wants to be friends with you still, are you going to be, and I said probably not..........Happy Birthday to me..today I'm 48..........Randy

September 10, 2001
11:43 am
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sue2001
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Well Happy birthday it seems that everyone I know has a birthday this month 5 of them are tomorrow...
I think you did the right thing with your daughter others might not have been able to remain calm during the conversation about wacko shopping with Earls daughter while your own daughter was being dragged around like that... I wanted to slap her for that....

September 10, 2001
1:33 pm
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Molly
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Sometimes I think the whole world has just gone mad. At least there are only a few more days of daily interaction, and based on what is going on, I don't think this shared custody thing is going to work. The girls are not going to want to leave the nest, the center of their friends, and all of that to play second fiddle to Earl and his. Of course we must pay abundent amount of attention to manipulate the next bank, Bank of Earl. What a mess Randy, I am sorry. Ugh ugh do I say Happy Belated Birthday, or just say ya know next year will be so much better.

September 10, 2001
1:43 pm
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Cici
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My mentor from my internship at the mental hospital had a great one-liner: "What do you do with people who can't learn form their mistakes? Nothing - lock 'em up and throw away the key." Sounds harsh, but when you work with in forensic mental health it starts to make sense. ha ha ha

September 10, 2001
6:46 pm
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ranmar1
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Thanks guys. I appreciate your wishes. I will be going to the Northwest tomorrow, and will take my laptop to stay in touch with all of you. Have a great week. I'm going to take my two daughters, without the screwball mother, out to dinner tonight. Talk to all of you later.....
Randy

September 11, 2001
12:37 am
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lost soul
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happy be-lated birthday šŸ™‚

September 11, 2001
3:15 pm
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ranmar1
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Well, because of the tragedy, my flights were cancelled today, so I'm back home. Found a question on a Narcissistic web site, posted by another person, asking, "has anyone heard that you are doing or you did this to yourself", coming from the Nariccistic person? I couldn't beleive the question, since my wacko blames me for allowing her to operate without my setting down any boundaries down on her. How perfect. What a Narcissistic case study she is. I'm so glad to be getting away from her........divorce.........good luck Earl......Randy

September 11, 2001
6:47 pm
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Molly
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Aren't you lucky to be here, vs there, and worry about the girls.

September 12, 2001
4:05 pm
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ranmar1
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Yes, it's true. Everything happens for a reason. I have cancelled my trip completely. Let me tell you how things worked out. Today, after I called and found my flight cancelled, my youngest daughter called me sobbing from school. She forgot her math homework, and mom couldn't be found, wasn't answering her cell phone. Since I was home, I found the homework, ran down to the school, and took her out for 30 minutes to get a hot chocolate. All because I was there for her. I called my wacko's counselor to relate all that has happened the last two weeks. She and I talked for about 45 minutes. She stated that I shouldn't be shocked at her actions and behavior, because I had already figured out her Narcissistic traits, and this is all normal behavior for this kind of personality disorder. She said she tried to "dissuade" the wacko from doing what she is going to do, and feels she is not hearing anything being said in counseling. She told me I needed to accept her behavior more as a coping skill for my daughters to learn, and said to be prepared for within a year, having either the wacko show up on my front door step with her bags, or my older daughter showing up, wanting to live with me full time, after she sees for herself what her mother really is all about. The counselor said to just sit back and let things unfold on their own, but to continue to work on myself in the meantime. I guess there was a lot of meaning in this conversation. I just need to work on accepting things for what they truly are, and work on minimizing my desire to see immediate revenge take place against wacko and for all the hurt and pain she has inflicted on my kids, my family and myself. I was right from the beginning, this was a preplanned agenda that wacko had from day one of counseling, back in January. Whether the two of them (Earl and her) had been coaching each other or she was smart enough to put this whole thing together herself, it really doesn't matter anymore. She is what she is. And what kind of person can he be to have done this too? I guess they truly deserve each other. Once again, I just want to see justice........
Randy

September 12, 2001
8:43 pm
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Molly
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See, that is the problem with adultry, you can't be in two places at once. She see's Earl who has an agenda, he feeds her agenda, and there is not a chance in hell she can focus on committment. Be greatful, that she was at Earl's house, and not Earl at yours when you returned. Duh, where else do you think she was.
I am sure before this all unfoldes, that the girls will want to be with you full time, wanna baby sitter??????????? ugh ugh i need 4k a month, ugh make that 3, ok, 2 but room and board.
My walls are getting tight, got that alien feeling going again. Ladeska has already whipped me, guess, well damn, she is right.

September 12, 2001
9:42 pm
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ranmar1
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Molly,
I'm so sorry you're episode keeps going on and on. It's just BS what some of these people do to others. Yeah, I want to be able to be ready to take my girls full time. I hope this comes soon. Again, I just want to see justice served and soon. She is so deserving of it, as well as Earl. I hope they do to each other, what they have done to everyone else. I wish I had the reassurance it would happen. I would probably sleep a little better knowing it's a sure thing..........Sad huh?........Randy

September 13, 2001
7:38 pm
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ranmar1
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Today, wacko comes to me and ask if I'm planning something regarding child custody, and should we get a hold of our attorneys. I responded, and told her that I'm not the one that sneaks around, doing things behind the others back. I just get sick to my stomach when I have to have any conversation with her. How can she have these effects on me still? I'm sooooo pissed at her. I so much look forward to her getting away from me, and self destructing........
Randy

September 13, 2001
8:14 pm
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gingerleigh
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You don't spend years and years with someone and within the space of 8 months expect her to no longer have any effect on you. šŸ˜‰ It's understandable.

It will be over soon, Randy. We're all pulling for you.

September 13, 2001
8:42 pm
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Molly
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In a way its better to feel than to be numb. Just like Gingerleigh states, after all the years, and in a space of 8 months, you would have to be wacko, ugh ugh pardon the pun, to not feel. This to shall pass, and sleep, you know she is on the down hill slide.

September 14, 2001
10:16 am
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ranmar1
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Yes, you are right, I'm just impatient now. Yes, she is on the downhill slide. This morning I was making our youngest daughter's lunch, while wacko was in the kitchen too. I tossed a fork into the sink, and she looks at me and says "are you mad at something?" What a Narcissistic idiot living under the same roof. I looked at her and just said to not even go there. I think "back hill slide" is too polite for what she is. She is oblivious.......totally oblivious to everything in the real world. Last night, just for giggles, I went through all the checks I've written which are directly related to her, and added up her visa expense for this month. With this amount, plus gas, and the cash she takes per month, she is at $3695. And this is the wacko that is going to get 4K to live on. The above doesn't include rent or other incidental living expense. I really don't care, but find it almost humorous. No worries on her part, Earl to the rescue.

September 15, 2001
2:07 am
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ranmar1
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Well, this should be expected of Narcisstic wacko. Today, I watched the services from the National Cathedral and lost it when they sang Glory Glory Hallelujah. Wacko, went out to play golf with her "just male friend." Tonight, I took my two daughters to temple, for a special service devoted to what happened on Tuesday, the national tragedy. What did Narcisstic mom do? Go out drinking and eating with her "friends". This pretty well sums it up what I am finally leaving behind. She leaves me a phone message that she wants to have "her girls" to herself tomorrow night, so I should make other plans if I want to. I'm staying home. She can run and pretend, but I'm home. Let my daughters see that I don't go running out to take care of myself first, that I'm there for them.........Randy

September 15, 2001
4:20 pm
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Molly
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Well, she must be feeling real secure with Earl, personally I saw you had posted again, and feared she would use the recent turn of events for an excuse to reconcile, or at least defer the seperation. She does indeed win the wacky award. I have been I guess feeling that national guilt, difficulty in doing those normally selfish things. It just seems so hard to just go out and have fun, when .....

September 15, 2001
9:26 pm
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ranmar1
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Molly,
The difference is that you have feelings, you can go deep within yourself, and feel pain, sorrow, empathy, etc.. Narcissistic people such as wacko, aren't capable of having any of these. Therefore, like her therapist told me, I shouldn't be shocked about anything she does, this is to be expected. What is shocking to the therapist, is that I continually am shocked at what is to be expected. I think she has a point there. I guess I just can't get use to the idea that she is what she is...
Randy

September 16, 2001
8:31 pm
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ranmar1
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Well, now it's getting around our temple as to what wacko has done. I have confirmed with anyone who has asked, since I have nothing to hide. Wacko has really isolated herself into her own fantasy world. You can run but you can't hide from the truth.
Randy

September 17, 2001
9:30 pm
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ranmar1
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Mediation, round 3, is Friday. Wacko comes in tonight, and says she wants to just proceed with our agreement and get it done, so it doesn't cost us anymore money. I said it was great with me, the faster the better. This will just speed up her timetable for her plans with what she and her "just male friend" have come up with...Fine with me. I don't want to have her near me anymore than I have to. She is such a revolting person. I don't even talk to her unless I have to. When I leave in the morning, I kiss my girls goodbye, and walk past her and out the door. I was taught, if you don't have anyting nice to say to someone, don't say a thing......Well...here I am.....nothing nice to say to her.....
Randy

September 18, 2001
2:09 pm
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Molly
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Randy, I hear your frustration, and pain. There is a couple of things to be greatful for, and one, she is consistantly pushing forward, and out.
Try living with a Sybil!!!!!! When your heart, and committment wants to own the words that are said one day, the US conversations, where you think your on the same page, and then the next day, it looks at you like your crazy as you proceed based on the conversations and attitude presented the day before which no longer are valid, only to have it come up again, and the dance of insanity continues. Bad but not bad enough to run fast.
Your heart wants to connect and accept, but your head says, you know this game. I have come to celebrate the weekly cartoon, Life in Hell, its published in the Orange County Weekly. Two people dressed the same, with the same little Fez like hat, this week, the one asks the other, why do you hate me, and each space shows the other person responding, because your controlling, your opinionated, your probbally thinking I'm projecting, you go on rants about all my defects, besides, I love you.

September 19, 2001
11:13 am
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ranmar1
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Okay, so now we start giving back what was asked for, and not wacko not liking it. Just the beginning. Yesterday, I told her to bring her own money to pay for half the mediation on Friday. She said no way, so long as she isn't getting any support money, she doesn't have to pay for it yet. She also reminded me that her lease on the apartment starts on Sunday, the 23rd, so I better be ready to pay for that too, since she isn't getting support payments until the 1st. Well......suprise........I told her she would get her first installment on the 20th (tomorrow) and as of that date, I am no longer financially responsible for any of her crap anymore. The charge cards are cancelled as of tomorrow, all credit reporting agencies have been mailed copies of letters stating my separation and non liability for any purchases after the 20th. I have informed all retail charge accounts the same. Everything shuts off on the 20th. We went and divided our accounts up at the bank last week.I think she is really pissed and panicky now, because her first installment of 2K, (the second to be paid on the 5th of each month) will really be eaten up. Her lease is $1105, mediation will be $350 each, and then her lifestyle cost. Hey Earl, time to get the checkbook out. Here she comes........I really almost feel a weight coming off. I know the anger will dissipate after we physically separate. I'm setting up my travel schedule to go through November, so I'm going to really be kept busy, based around my time with my daughters. I guess, as I look back on it all, she still is getting exactly what she wanted, however, I don't think this is what she expected. Like I keep saying to myself, it's not my problem anymore.
Best to all.........Randy

September 19, 2001
9:52 pm
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ranmar1
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Tomorrow is the big day for me. This is my freedom day......the day I stop having to pay and pay and pay for wacko's self indulgent lifestyle. Tomorrow, she gets her first installment of $2K for support payment. At this time, the joint charge accts stop, my subsidizing her lifestyle stops, it all ends tomorrow. She will be as independent as she has wanted to be, (of course, with the help of Earl I'm sure). I truly feel like a burden has been lifted, and the start of a new life for me will begin, with my daughters.........I don't know why I feel as happy as I do about it. You would think it would be the opposite...Randy

September 20, 2001
2:13 pm
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Get ready to breathe that sigh of relief. Good for you, Randy!

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