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Help Me Please x 3- Randy
August 14, 2001
6:26 pm
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Molly
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Geee, and you are surprised, know your in Phoenix, but when you return, I will be gone. Go back over the threads, Randy, what have I told you to do over and over. her credit is in tact, its just that she will now be responsible for the payment, and not you, with out reflection on your credit. her credit, is as good today as it was yesterday, its her future she needs, to worry about. You need to start going over all the bills, and make the bill to her for all the community funds she has spent, on her and good ole earl.

August 14, 2001
6:57 pm
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Alena
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Call the attorney because mean ole Randy wont let her continue to charge $300.00 jackets? yeah, okay, are these the attorneys from Ally McBeal?

August 14, 2001
7:24 pm
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whatever44
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Hello Randy My husband paid off all the credit card bills and sent letters to all to take his name off and guess what it's legal and everything is now in my name . What ever I buy I have to pay for... So go for it!!! from one who knows..

August 17, 2001
2:58 am
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ranmar1
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Hi everyone, back from Phoenix. Guess what, she must have called her atty., because nothing has even been said about it. Also, I took the jacket back. It was sitting on my bed. Tonight, when I returned from my trip, she comes into my room and says she went out to dinner with our kids and another mother with her kids, and she got reimbursed for half the bill. She said she is going to pay me back for it. I said good. I told her for now on, I expect her to be responsible for any of her own charges, since I have taken my name off of every joint acct. She looked at me almost in shock. I also have been pushing her hard to finalize our separation agreement, and make an appt with a mediator. She called me yesterday, while I was in Phoenix, gave me the name and number of one, and I called and set up the appt for next Friday. I'm going to push this through as hard and as fast as possible. I want her out of my life. Oh and here is a good one.This Saturday, my two daughters have a dance recital all day. Guess who else has to be there, because his daughter is in the same dance class as my older daughter? You guessed it. Earl. I haven't said a thing, I think I'll just let the two of them squirm. I may even sit away from my wacko soon to be x. I just hope I don't break out laughing when I see this hunk of a specimen, all 240 pounds of beer belly, 60-65 year old looking, receding gray hair. This ought to be interesting. Yeah guys, I'm starting to accept things for what they really are, not what I wished they were.
Best to all........Randy

August 17, 2001
4:51 pm
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Cici
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I don't contribute to the thread because I don't really have any experience in dealing with these issues, I just wanted to say, Randy, that you seem to be handling this very well. Your daughters are so lucky to have someone like you looking out for them. I wish you lots of luck in your future freedome....:)

August 17, 2001
6:38 pm
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Alena
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Welcome back Randy, we missed your smiling face! 🙂

Sounds like a very interesting weekend you have planned...yipes. Face to face with EARL...stay strong, laugh if you must....but stay cool.

Glad you took the jacket back..think she's getting the picture finally. I'm interested in knowing how the recital goes, don't forget to watch the girls!..*smile

August 18, 2001
12:06 am
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ranmar1
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Cici and Alena (where is Molly and Gingerleigh these days?)
Thank you for the postings. Last night, wacko woman comes in to tell me she went out with our daughters and one of my older daughter's friend and her mother to dinner. They split the check, and wacko woman put the whole bill on our charge, while collecting the other half in cash. She came in last night, told me about it and gave me the cash. I was shocked. Maybe the coat episode did something to her convoluted mind, although I doubt it. Anyways, tomorrow should be fun at the recital. It will be interesting to see if wacko woman and her "friend" come across each other and squirm. I'm just going to go and enjoy my daughters. Anyways, I'm feeling pretty good, looking forward to our mediation meeting next Friday. I just want to get our agreement finalized and get her off of all my responsibilities as far as joint accounts that I'm obligated to share right now. I can't believe she says she can't make it on $4000 per month, too bad. Now she will have to get a job and see what the real world is all about. Welcome to my planet. Stay tuned. I hope you all have a great weekend. Look forward to hearing back from all of you..........Randy

August 19, 2001
8:10 pm
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ranmar1
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Hi everyone. It's Sunday afternoon. I just returned from taking my youngest daughter to the Discovery Museum, an interactive childrens museum. Wacko mom took the older one to the mall, the third time this week. I guess she is trying to train her in her compulsive traits. Mediation is this Friday. I'm so looking forward to it. Also, my first group support meeting for separated and divorce is this Wednesday night. This should be a good week in starting to put some healing and closure together. Hope you are all having a good weekend. Looking forward to hearing back.
Randy

August 19, 2001
8:45 pm
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Alena
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Hi Randy..good to hear about the support group, you're right, this is going to help the healing. Hope mom isn't trying to use the age old ploy of "I have no real relationship with you so let's see if I can buy your affection so you'll like me better than daddy..." Went through that a long time ago with custody of my husband's son after she didn't want him anymore originally, so then it was, maybe I do, so let's see if I can buy away all the crap I put him through and make him like me more,,,, what a looney, but oh so popular way to go...works sometimes too, even if only temporarily.
How was the recital? Everyone cool?
Weekend is okay here in sunny Ohio, although I've been sick the last 2 days, the sun is still shining. I'm just a couch potato today, vegging before the race starts all over again tomorrow..... hey, I'm proud of you...hang in there...

August 19, 2001
11:45 pm
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ranmar1
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Alena,
Sorry you aren't feeling 100%. Get well soon. Thanks for the reply and the support. The recital was good. She was squirming, and then thought I saw Earl in the balcony. I didn't even know what to look for, other than a bald headed, 60-65 year old looking idiot. But, I really didn't make it a point to find him anyways. I was there for my kids. Besides, the two of them deserve each other anyways, so I could care less about them anymore. Two people with no integrity, no comittment and certainly no trust, why would I want to lower myself to their level? I've been reading a lot of books lately, the newest one, Making Peace with Your Past, by Harold Bloomfield. Just started, but the topic of Trancendental Meditation keeps coming up. Any feedback on this? It talks about reaching deep within yourself to deal with the past, so you don't keep repeating the same patterns in the future, and using Transcendental Meditation to really focus on yourself and your feelings? Interesting. I hope you have a healthy week, and feel better. Thanks again........Randy

August 20, 2001
11:43 am
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Alena
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Mornin...I've been thinking for some time now how Yoga and/or meditations my be good for me. Can it hurt? I don't have any experience at all with it, but someone recommended the CD by Wayne Dyer, something like, Manifesting your own destiny...it's morning and evening meditations. I ordered it the other day from Amazon and should be receiving it soon,so I'm really looking forward to it, I'll let you know how I like it. Knowing very little about it, I just feel that if nothing else, isn't it a good way to get in touch with yourself for that time you've set aside? That's my problem.. concentrating, trying to calmly find who I am in my heart and mind and soul, okay...that's waaay deeper than I intended to sound...but do you know what I mean? I'm looking for peace of mind, soul, whatever...I just don't think it can hurt you..if it helps, great, if not, no big deal.
Thanks for the good wishes, I am better today, gotta be, the world keeps on movin around me so I have to hit the floor runnin on Mondays....hey, I'll bet you walk with a little more "zzzzip" in your steps these days?? Watch, I'll bet you didn't even notice it..... 🙂

August 20, 2001
1:44 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hiya Randy (Alena, Cici, et al), I've been away from the threads all weekend, been busy moving into the new digs. My offer still stands to anyone interested in pegging tourists from my balcony with wine corks and lime wedges...

Molly made some noises about going on vacation. Hopefully she'll have good stories when she gets back.

Randy, sounds like you really have your head screwed on straight. I'm happy you are doing so well with this and being so strong. Rah Rah Ranmar!

August 20, 2001
7:03 pm
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ranmar1
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Gingerleigh and Alena,
I have been saving up so many wine corks to toss from Gingerleigh's balcony, I'm going to have to rent a truck to get them to you. Alena, it's interesting you are going to try Yoga. I am going to try Transcendental Meditation, just to see what it's all about. This whole thing has allowed me to reach so far deep down inside myself, and to touch feelings I now were buried and covered over. I went to my initial screening conference for the support group, and the coordinator and I really hit it off. She "warned me" that this group is made up of 13 women and one male. I told her no problem. She mentioned that most of them are in the same position I am, only role reversal. My first meeting with the group has been put off until next Wednesday.She said they originally didn't want another male in their group, but she is going to insist I become part of it for balance. I'm feeling pretty good right now, I feel that I truly am working hard at making peace with myself, while wacko woman doesn't have a clue what she is doing. We have our first mediation meeting this friday. Hopefully,that will go smooth and I can get some closure from it. She has no plans of moving out at least until December. That's okay by me. I'm not going to put my life on hold, and obviously, she never has. I'm almost hoping she acts on her fantasy with "Earl". Maybe that will get her out faster. What a clueless individual. I found four words on a shirt the other day, I saw someone wearing. I typed up the words in big print, and it's now sitting over my desk at home. The words are everything the wacko doesn't have..
Respect, Trust, Integrity and Comittment. I realized I have always tried and will continue to live with these words. Hope all is well. Alena, keep on moving. Gingerleigh, keep on throwing.
Randy

August 20, 2001
7:27 pm
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Cici
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Oh, Alena, good for you! I recently started yoga as well, I got the 6 video series endorsed by Yoga Journal at Yoga.com - I love it. My body feels so good afterward, and I get such a feeling of serenity. But it wears off after about 4 hours at work, har har har.

August 20, 2001
8:26 pm
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Alena
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Cici, how cool of you to mention the videos, I think I'm going to check them out. Have you ever done anything live, like with a group or personal yoga trainer? I live in a very liberal college town and when I thought of Yoga I thought, hey no sweat, there has to be one on every corner of the campus..but...not so. They must be undercover... 🙂

I pictured a yoga instructor with a room full of long hairs in flowered outfits all driving "bugs" with flowers on them..."har har".... no kidding but you can't swing a stick in this town without smacking into a hippie in a time warp... I am so anxious to get going on this, it's like I'm having a "craving" for some serenity. Cici, I'm glad to hear you're feeling good, whatever it takes, right?

Randy, your posts are so encouraging, I'm feeling so positive for you these days. It's been a rough road for you, heck , just go back and read the threads, and you've come such a long way. I think you have a "craving" for some peace in your life too and you are really searching for it which is such a healthy move on your part. Way to go.

GL, with these corks, are we required to just throw or can we use slingshots? It's just so much more of a challenge...ya know? What floor are we on? and how fast can these tourists get to us?? wait a minute, wouldn't I classify as a tourist and then wouldn't I be shooting my own kind????? hmmmm......

August 20, 2001
8:59 pm
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ranmar1
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Alena and Cici,
Alena, I don't think you have to shave your head, wear beads, and dance with all the flower children of the world to get into yoga nowadays. I think anyone can really get into it. Cici obviously knows why. I'm looking into something that will allow me to relax my mind, keep it from racing all the time, with everything that has gone on. Thank you for the vote of confidence. Maybe I'm realizing that I am a good person, with a lot to offer someone who really appreciates it, and will allow me to reciprocate as well, instead of just taking with nothing back in return, except deciept, lies and manipulation because she is bored or narcissistic. It is still hard to watch this person self destruct before my eyes, however, I am able to detach myself more and more, as I think about everything she has done to my kids and me. I think acceptance, and then detaching from her has really been the lifesaving way to handle my situation, with the additional help from all of you. By the way, I don't think you would be classified as a tourist if you are throwing the corks and peels. We would just tell everyone we are all together, one big happy family.........Best regards to you guys....I miss Molly though.......Randy

August 21, 2001
10:34 am
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ranmar1
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Hey, let me know when you guys are ready to go to "Help Me Please x 4-Randy". Then I'll start the new thread..have a good one everybody....
Randy

August 21, 2001
10:56 am
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sue2001
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Randy, I think that you are doing great.. I am learning from you and the four words hit home also... I think I will do the same... I am concerned though about her living there untill december what is she waiting for? ....

August 21, 2001
12:23 pm
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gingerleigh
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What makes you a tourist? Any one of the below items:
(1.) wearing a sweat shirt with a picture of the Space Needle on it
(2.) taking pictures of the musicians on the corners of Pike's Place Market
(3.) feeding the blasted pigeons or sea-gulls

Pegging tourists is fun. I live on what would be the 5th story of a building near the waterfront, which is high enough where the toursists can't throw rocks back at you with any accuracy, but low enough that we can get a really good shot at them.

I have only done the yoga thing once in a class, and it was really peaceful. It's nice to draw on the energy from the group, but I prefer solitary meditation. Just my preference. I'm around people all day, and getting time alone to recharge and focus inward is invaluable to me.

One other thing that I do a lot is music. I can spend hours with my guitar, practicing without even realizing it, letting the emotions out through music so that they do not overwhelm me. Music I think is universally enjoyed by all, and I understand that not everyone seeks solace in it in performance or composition, but it might be a viable outlet for you.

If nothing else, we can use my old guitar strings for slingshots.

August 21, 2001
2:02 pm
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Cici
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Alena,

I live in what is usually referred to as the "hippie island of redneck country" - in a college town, too. It was hard to find classes here. They are usually held at acupuncture or holistic healing centers from what I gather.

I went to one class and didn't really like it. They sang songs and chanted, and (this is weird, but I've heard about it from other people as well) there was a lot of bodily digestive noises being freely evacuated, if you know what I mean. I didn't like the singing. "May the long-time sun shine upon you" and whatnot. Not my thing.

That's why I like the videos, just poses - moving meditation. So deliciously relaxing that it's addictive! I need to get my fix either right when I wake up or right before bed, man. ha ha ha

August 21, 2001
2:42 pm
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ranmar1
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Hey, Gingerleigh, I have an account I call on right by you, Continental Furniture, on 1st Ave. Do you know where it is? We can really line up our targets from there. Cici, I wouldn't be near anyone that I can listen their digestive noises, while trying to relax and do yoga. And the singing, oh please. What is it, Hare Krishna or something? I think the vidoes are a great idea. You can probably get more out of it, than these classes you are looking at. Again, I am going toward acceptance and then detaching. I am so looking forward to interacting in this support group next Wednesday. Meanwhile, I just treat wacko mom as a roommate, who occupies the guest bedroom downstairs. How appropriate, a guest in my life. Somebody who just happened to visit a little too long...Oh well. For now, she does my laundry, watches the kids at times, and pretends to be their full time mom. It's funny but out of a casual conversation with my little one, Earl's name came up. I asked if he was older, and my youngest one says he looks so old, but didn't know how old. I guess it just made me chuckle inside. I really didn't care anymore. I don't care when she says she is going out to meet her girlfriend for lunch or whatever, I just nod and say
that's nice. As far as I'm concerned she is still hiding from herself the truth. I already know it, accept it, and have dealt with it.....Take care for now.....keep saving up those corks..Randy

August 21, 2001
3:51 pm
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Alena
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eeeeeeyyyuuuuchhh, digestive noises leaving the body.....how relaxing....
????????? What a delicate way to put that Cici, I laughed so hard....they need to relax everything BUT that part of their body...harharhar..!

Ranmar, jump back a minute, what's with this group not wanting another man in their group?? Snobby women? Man haters? Women scorned?? They don't know what a treat their in for till they meet you...a genuine nice guy.

GL, sounds like you live in a beautiful place....if I knew how to play a guitar, that would be a good idea, a good outlet...but not me, nope, the only musical instrument I play is the cd player. I'm gonna join Cici in the Yoga adventure though, I'm just not gonna go to the classes...too noisy.

August 21, 2001
5:01 pm
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gingerleigh
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Oh jeez Cici, I can see it now... The U is going to start offering new classes called "Harnessing the Power of the Fart".

August 22, 2001
11:18 am
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Cici
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Oh man, you guys are hilarious. How about that, Randy? Feel the power of the colon!

August 22, 2001
11:57 am
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ranmar1
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Let the force be with you. Hey, Cici, pretty descriptive don't you think? I know I would look forward to going to those classes. Who would be the weakest link? Goodbye.
Anyways, the coordinator of the support group called last night, and is now forming a group to meet on Tuesday, made up of a couple of males and prodominately females, some from the all female group. I guess they feel threatened or have all been hurt so bad, that they feel all males are the target of their feelings. Oh well. Maybe word will get back after this meeting that we are all not the bad party in this process, that it goes both ways. We'll see. Today, we (wacko woman) go to her counselor with the kids, for a family meeting. This ought to be interesting, seeing wacko woman perform in front of her counselor with our kids. You know, I have very little conversation with her now. I look at her and don't even know her. She is like a renter in the guest bedroom. I think the best thing I have done for myself is to accept things for what they are, try not to pretend or push for things that really aren't, and slowly detach from her. For me, it is working. I had dinner with a friend of mine last night, and he said I appear to be much more calm and at peace with myself now. I took that as a tremendous compliment, but know it swings from day to day. If I can just continue along this path, and make these kind of days more predominate, I know I can come through this okay. I know it sounds repetitive, but I can't thank everyone here enough, for all the support this site has given me through my soap opera. It's nice to know there is a caring and sensitive world still out there, you just have to open up your heart and mind to it, and watch it come your way. :)Bye for now......Randy

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