Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Help me out....Kinda urgent...
January 12, 2007
5:45 am
Avatar
Tearstain
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok, let me just tell you all about myself, I am a foreigner, so excuse my poor English...

I just found out that I have Co-dependents.. And I also lost my girlfriend because of that. Yes, I still love her and she still loves me too. But thats not so important about getting her back at this moment...I need someone to give me some suggestion at this point.
Here is the story.
She dumped me about 3 weeks ago, reason was she told me she wanted to be single for a while... At first, I couldn't believe it, so I was so upset. But then after a while, I decided to stand up again, and put relationship "on hold", just wait til' later and see if she wants to get back with me or not. But then here goes to down hill....I posted a blog, about my living arrangement might not be here in US anymore, then she replied and asked me what was that about and she didnt want me to leave.
After that replied, she changed. She now is like, almost not home for a week, doing and selling drugs and whenever her mom wanted to talk to her, she filp out and scream back.
Her family at this moment is not going to do anything to help her, they want her to figure it out herself....Well, but I can't do that..I don't want to see her gets into big trouble before she realized what she has done wrong.
So I need some suggestion, I am thinking to go talk to her if shes home on her b-day (she said she would) which will be on this Saturday. I am going to tell her either choose her friends that don't care about her or me to help. If she is not going to choose my help then I will be done with her once for all...I am like 90% sure she won't take my offer, I just want to bet if she will come find me when she found out what has she done wrong....
Or
I can tell her that let me know if she needs any help in the future...which I don't want to let her think that because I am always going to be there for her, so she will keep doing what shes doing....

I am sorry, I know the whole post is really confuse...But I tried my best....
Please someone give me some suggestion....

January 12, 2007
6:54 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi, you can talk to her like you suggested, what happens after that is her choice.

Has she been doing drugs in the past, or is this her 1st time doing drugs and hanging with the wrong crowd??

What her family is doing by letting her figure it out for herself, is true, cuz no one can stop her from doing drugs except herself, you can always offer guidance, etc...but all and all its up to her to stop.

Was one of the reasons she wanted to be single for a while was cuz of your codependency or more for her to do the drugs???

keep posting, ok!!

January 12, 2007
4:15 pm
Avatar
Tearstain
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Camer, thanks for caring about this....Well, she is so stubborn, so I am pretty sure if I talk to her or not, the answer will the same that she needs to figure out herself...
No, its not the 1st time she is doing drugs, she had a pretty messed up past before, however, when I first with her, she changed back to normal and happy without me saying anything....I just don't understand why this time she wanted drugs instead of me...
To be honest, my codependency has something to do with her breaking up with me, but then, I am also understand its not ALL about it. Maybe she is bored, or maybe she has something can't figure out herself....
People been telling me to talk to her in like 2 way, one in a hard way, and see if it makes any different if I let her know that I don't care about her anymore, or show her as much support as i can even tho. she won't take my offer, so which way you think I should do?

January 12, 2007
4:50 pm
Avatar
nappy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Tearstain, first of all, welcome to this site. This site is very helpful and I hope that you get something out of it.
First, except the fact that your ex girlfriend want to be single. what ever the reason are.
Second, you can't beat the drugs that she is on. They will only beat you and her if you let it.
It is truly up to her if she want help, you can hollar and yell and talk means and it still want change her over night. Her parents are doing the right thing because the more that you enable her in what she is doing, then guess what? she will continue to do it.
The drugs are just a cover up for what is really going on in her life. That is something that she is going to have to face, maybe not now but it will happen in her lifetime. You should be bless that she don't want to drag you down with her. At least she is letting you go and don't want to hurt you in that matter. You can still be her friend and be there to support her when she decided to clean up her act.
But since you know that you also have some problems (co-dependency) maybe you need this time to work on yourself. I would first try and work on myself because if you continue to be in contact with this person, then you are going to know how to handle yourself, then to start going back to the old way of being co-dependence. Then hopefully you will be better in handle certain situation that might come up when it is concerning your ex.

January 12, 2007
6:16 pm
Avatar
Tearstain
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello, nappy, Thank you and yes. I completely understand what you mean. But its really hard for me to see her like that, yet, I will start trying not to be "possessive", and I will let her know that, I want to help her, so whenever she needs my help, I will be there, however, I will also try my best not to be that much available for her. Now lets hope she will realize what shes been doing before its too late.
Ahhhh, its just so say than to do... :[

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
27
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714258
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information