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HELP ME OUT HERE!
August 26, 2007
5:10 am
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santino
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hello all, help me out here, a little confused.

last night i slept with a girl that hated my ex with a passion. i dont think i like her it was more of a sexual thing rather than a feeling thing. anyway today she tells me that my ex, which is married and living her life, was calling and flirting with someone else while we were together. I thought she was true to me?! Should i believce her? When she tolde me it actually hurt! Should i let it bother me? Shes been gone for over a year and shes married now! What should I do?! I have to admit, hearing this, it bothered me. Alot!

August 26, 2007
9:43 am
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CAMER
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good to see you posting santino....I am not sure if i'd believe the girl you slept with, esp. since she didn't like your ex....either way, your ex is married now, and having a life.......and Santino, i wish i could sprinkle some magic dust on you to forget about her, but i can't......You still have feelings for the ex, it shows, and maybe having a fling or even getting involved with other women won't help you get over the ex. Ok, even if your ex was flirting with others while you were together, how will you ever know the truth?? and if she did, it just adds to her bad character...you know that she wasn't a great gal. Start thinking of all the bad she did to you, and maybe that will help you get over her more.

((((sending you huge hugs, Santino, and I am sure you will get lots more answers on this question))))) camer

August 26, 2007
10:16 am
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CAMER
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bumping up for (((santino)))

August 26, 2007
10:33 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Santino, I guess what would bother me the most, is the girl that you just slept with. Why did she even bring this up ? horsefly

August 26, 2007
4:50 pm
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CAMER
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we need Taj!! where are you!!!

August 26, 2007
8:33 pm
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CAMER
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(((santino)))) bumping you up babe, for more advice, hope you are doing ok!!! camer

August 26, 2007
10:06 pm
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chelonia mydas
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Santino,

Getting over someone is very difficult. I am recently divorced and still think of my ex... but I have recently realized that who my ex really is and who I thought he was are two very different people. The person I thought he was is just a fairytail- a figment of my imagination that is as real as unicorns, mermaids and the toothfairy. They all served a purpose to make my life nicer for a time, but we all grow up and out of fantasies.

The person that I really married is selfish and manipulative. I have found that whenever I am confronted with evidence of his true self it hurts because it brings me back to reality and I have to accept that the person I wanted to be married to never existed and I grieve that loss.

I have a feeling that you are in love with a fantasy- and this little tidbit from this girl gave you a shot of reality... which hurts.

Your ex is married to someone else- the dreams you had of a life with her are only dreams now- there is not basis for reality... it also sounds like she wasn't a nice person to begin with- so even if you were to continue the relationship it probably wouldn't have been what you thought it would be.

I would encourage you to grieve your loss... its the loss of a dream, of a relationship that you dearly want but don't have and will never have because it just doesn't exist in this life. That is a lot to swallow and I know first hand what a bitter pill it is... but the sooner you take it the sooner you can move forward with your life.

sending you energy, comfort and strength,
Chelonia

August 26, 2007
11:29 pm
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santino
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Thanks Camer, I got nothing but love 4 you! 🙂

Chelonia: your words hit the spot. You r absolutely right. I was in love with the fantasy, not the reality. I was talking to a friend about this new revelation and she really put things in perspective 4 me, she said, "who knows if its true, but really, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't change anything and all its doing to you is keeping you stuck in a painful past" Shes right, it doesnt matter anymore, whats done is done and forward I must go.

I still think of my ex from time to time as you can see, and for the most part I'm doing loads better. It still hurts when people mention her name to me, or if I hear about her and her life. Everytime I hear, I turn the other way and run! 🙂

In 3 weeks I will be transferring to another location, I can't wait, a fresh new start where no one knows her and no one mentions her. She hasn't called in nearly 3 months, and she wont know where I am. I can;t wait. 🙂 Thanks all for chatting. 🙂

August 27, 2007
7:08 am
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CAMER
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Santino...3 weeks, that is awesome, new location, new start, new life...and yes, i bet the more you don't hear about "her" or people who know her the better.

And yes, Chelonia, is right about the dream, the fantasy, I think alot of us have that, and then we realize the person was just not that, far from a dream, someone we hoped they could be.

I wish you so much luck in your new "move" and be sure to keep posting ok!!!!

August 27, 2007
8:26 am
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lalasgirl
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santino, we have never posted each other...but i want to share this.

what information comes to us is ours to discern. is it truthful, does it matter? i agree with horsefly...why would this other woman bring it up now..??? she may have an agenda to suit her needs by making you feel bad and turning to her....EH????

i am going back to trusting my intuition...and if i would have listened to myself more often i would know truths...so will you....listen to what you think it means and how it makes you feel and then either admit to yourself if it matters or not.

i hate to hear the long term grieving about your ex. i don't want to do that.....you must be exhausted with tender heartbreak....take care of you and try selective hearing with this bad news monger. peace out.

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