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help me, im losing my friends
July 24, 2006
4:39 pm
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Lost22
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Im in a horrible situation. I used to have several best friends (girls) theyve changed so much and all they want to do is get high and hang out with guys and party with them. I have a very serious boyfriend who i adore and love more than anything. We both respect eachother very much, and we dont go out and party with tons of people of the opposite sex, without eachother. And all my friends want to do the exact things that I hate most. But I told them that I'm not into that and that Im sorry but I just wanna hang out with the girls, and not go party without my man. They are furious because I dont hang out with them much anymore (because I hate what they do). They are all so mad at me and think my views are rediculous. But i feel the way i do and im not changing. What am i sopposed to do to get my friends back?

July 24, 2006
4:58 pm
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LthrNlace
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There probably isnt too much you can do at the moment. You are in different places in your life and have different priorites, beliefs/values/morals. The sad thing is that maybe you will never get them back. We change as we grow older. We outgrow people, we change. They come into our lives when we need them the most, then when we have taken and given all we can in a relationship it ends. How old are you..how long have they been your friends?

I have lost..rather outgrow... several very amazing friends. They were my best friends at certain times in my life. I wouldnt have gotten through those periods of my life without them. However, we changed, we grew, we no longer saw eye to eye. Those friends are no longer in my life.. some I havent seen for 5+ years, yet I still have love for them and will never forget them. I now I have other friends that I have met through college, work, etc. I have one best friend since we were 7. At certain times, she was out partying a lot, drinking, drugs, sleeping around. I broke away from her, and a few months later, she came back in my life. We are still best friends for over 19 years now.

Anyways, I know its hard when you lose friends, but if they are your true friends, they will always be around. And if they arent, take what you can from your past relationships and grow. But dont ever let them pressure into doing things you dont want to or arent comfortable doing. Be who you are!

July 24, 2006
5:01 pm
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taj64
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It sounds to me as if you have grown up and they haven't and since they don't want to grow with you, then you have grown apart. are you so sure you want them back if they are experiencing differently things especially things you want no part of. In life, we don't always keep the friends all through life. The good ones are here to stay and some come and go. They might be upset with you because you have done what all girlfriends do, and that is give up the friends for the boyfriend and in that case I think they should be concerned even though that is typical in a new relationship for the couple to put friends on the backburner. But since it is more to it than that then maybe going seperate is inevitable. You are still young. you will have different set of friends later down the road. I don't have the same friends as I did in younger years. People change and life does change. You get to choose your friends in life, and choose wisely. Sounds to me as if you are choosing something healthier for you. That is not a bad thing.

July 24, 2006
5:06 pm
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Lost22
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Thanks for the advice. Im only 17 but ive been friends with most of these girls since like 2nd grade. We always used to hang out and have fun sleepovers when we were little. But now that we are growing up, many have boyfriends, and a lot has changed. All they want to do is get high and party with several guys. They are so furious because i dont hang out with them much, but the reason i dont hang out with them is because i hate the things they do. I love my bf so much, we've been together for almost 2 years, and he is my BEST friend. He is always here for me no matter what, and would never ever do me wrong. I dont like partying with lots of guys and getting drunk with them. I just wanna hang out with my friends like we used to. But they cant acceppt that. They say that ive abandoned them for my boyfriend, and that what im doing is very unhealthy. The thing is, i do hang out with other friends, the ones that can accept that i dont want to do certain things, and that are okay with just spending time with me. But my best friends just wont accept that, and im really upset and i dont know what to do. They are all ganging up on me and telling me that ive changed so much. But really, they're the ones whove changed. I love them so much but i not into the things that they do. I'm so confused and i dont know what to do!

July 24, 2006
10:33 pm
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Lost22
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cmon guys! im emotional right now!

July 24, 2006
10:43 pm
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Honolulugal
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'K, Lost22,

Let me ask you. Who is more important to you? These "friends" who aren't interested in the same things as you are, or your BF? He must not be too keen on hanging with them either. Are they trying to get you away from your BF?

I think you're right...your friends have changed and you haven't. Hard to let go of longtime friends. Maybe you'll reconnect later? What is it about them that keeps you so attached? Habit? Sounds like they're trying to get you on board (for some really bad times) and you're saying "hell, no!". If they want to do things that you "hate", where's the rub here? Who's wrong? They are. Sorry, that's the drill.

I know it's hard to stand strong, esp. if they're ganging up on you. Focus on your other friends who accept you. Tell the "best friends" that you love them and want to see them, but not the way they want. It's hard to walk a lonely path in high school. You'll find the right niche, though. Just keep your eyes forward.

July 26, 2006
3:18 pm
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Lost22
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For a long time, I would try and get my friends to hang out with me and my boyfriend and a bunch of other friends or w.e. The only time they really ever came through was on my birthday. Any other time, they'd make up some excuse that they didn't want to drive out there or they already had plans. But now they're claiming that I make excuses to them. I've learned that my bf is 100000000 times more important than my "friends." They tell me that its rediculous that I dont want to hang out unless its just the girls. How is that rediculous? I didnt even say that I would only hang out if it was the girls, I said I'm not into going out to parties without my boyfriend and im not into smoking my lungs out all day and all night. Tell me, honestly, is that wrong of me? Did I ditch them?

July 26, 2006
3:27 pm
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taj64
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A lot of it sounds like their issues and let them deal with their issues. Friend that can respect that you want do live by a certain standard should not put you down, or threaten the friendship or they are really not your true friends. In the long run, you are choosing what is best for you. 17 is a pretty "selfish" age. And that is ok at this time, as long as you don't go down the wrong path. It is defiantely a discovery time of one self and learning independence. Sometimes being independent and growing also means growing apart from friends, especially friends that are not good for us and at least you recognize that. Some don't and get into serious trouble that will follow into adult life. You sound like a good teen, with a good heart. Growing up can be so hard and choices hard but you get through it.

July 26, 2006
4:52 pm
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Anonymous
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Lost,
Sounds to me like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders hon...don't let these "friends" of yours bring you down to their level here.Someone said it earlier,if they were truly your friends,they would not try to propose ultimatums and make you leave the BF at home or whatever.It happens to the best of us...I lost a best friend after 15 years together all because I didn't agree on having my eldest daughter being my only child.She said she was an only child,and was just fine,and that I would taking my daughter out of the limelight she deserved to be in.I don't know why,but she seemed to think she had an opinion in this...and when I went on and had my 2nd daughter,she cut me off completely because "I don't listen to her".And this woman was 27 years old at the time.....anywho back to you....don't give in,you just had a growth spurt,and they didn't come with.

July 26, 2006
6:01 pm
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Lost22
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thanks so much guys. Even though they all feel the same and are equally mad, i havent talked to the main one, ashley, since the fight. she left really mean messages on my cell phone and ive just been ignoring her. only thing is, im going to have to deal with all of them in september for our senior year of high school. thats going to be so awkward, and my bf is older so he doesnt even go to the school. im not going to have any friends! im so anxious of what the years going to be like, but i dont want to feel awkward and like i have no friends all year...

July 26, 2006
8:20 pm
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confused as heck
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Walk in with your head high knowing that you made the right choice for you. If they are true friends they will understand your choice and respect you for it.

You have the right not to want to party all the time. You sound like a very mature 17 year old, they sound a little immature.

Don't worry about the beginning of the school year. There are other people in your class that you have known for a while that can also be your friends if you let them. Take some time to get to know some of these other people. Your true friends will move and grow with you and not try to hold you back.

July 26, 2006
8:30 pm
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taj64
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You will be ok. Maybe you will make new friends with a new year ahead. Just remember to make it good because you only get a few shots at high school. Don't forget to have a circle of people, and not just make it all about your bf. He is important of course but remember to have variety in life.

July 26, 2006
9:53 pm
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Lost22
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yeah good points from everyone. thanks so much!

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