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HELP ME control my panicky feelings
October 27, 2001
11:44 am
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La2Femme
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ok. My partner & I after 11 yrs (you guys remember the thread i posted as DeniseLover) are now more like "dating". It's mutual. We think we have too many issues to "handle" in an everyday, live-in situation and it always gets messed up if we do the COMPLETE committment, ie. family, living together,etc. OK, that's fine. We try to spend weekends together when my son's @ his dad's. This is one of those weekends, but she hurt her back at work. OK, that's fine. MY PROBLEM. I got so worried, cuz she didn't answer her cellphone last night) & never called me back (today she said she didn't get it, probably cuz she took muscle relaxers & went to bed around 4 or 5pm). But since that time, I've felt sick to my stomach, shakey, like i'm in a nightmare. (She was going to go out w/friends last night & i thought she did & just wasn't calling me so she wouldn't have to hear my crap while leading me to believe that she was home resting w/muscle relaxers). So just a few min. ago, I sent her a text page saying "please tell me you're not lying, cheating or hiding anything & that everything's ok". (if i come out with an outright question, she's not one to really lie). She IMMEDIATELY called me (groggy-sounding, from just waking up) and said "i'm not lying....& everything's ok). She actually said she understood me feeling scared & panicky (which usually, she's not too emotionally supportive). So, here, everything's ok, she'd like to see me tonight (if i'm free) or tomorrow b4 she goes into work. And I went thru all that stupid mind-f**king for nothing. It's like i'm on a runaway train & almost can't stop myself). Anybody have any suggestions (other than valium)? ...which by the way, i thought about, but last night but was able to calm myself down enough til i was tired & fell asleep. (btw)I AM seeking counseling.

October 27, 2001
4:34 pm
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pill
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I UNDERSTAND what you're going through. It happens to me every time I abandon my goals to analyze my relationship. As long as I keep myself busy and move toward my own dreams - regardless of involvements, I'm ok and i don't get those panicky feelings.

October 28, 2001
6:29 am
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La2Femme
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ok. That's kinda what i did. I made plans for the weekend for MYSELF (altho it was for the purpose of not sitting home worrying about where she was & what she was doing). But here's the funny clincher. I got home from a party tonight @ 1am. I sent her a text page to her phone (as i said i would) when i got home. But for some reason it didn't work. Well, at 5am, i wake up to her in my bedroom. She was having the same panicky feelings as I. (So we both worried for naught). We realized (& talked about the fact that) slowly, we will regain our trust while she's trying to get herself strong/independent & I'm doing the same! (phew!)

October 28, 2001
9:42 am
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pill
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Yea!!!!

I saw another post to me here that said to try and not dwell on the past and stay in the day-to-day. Rejoice in your renewed love!

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