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Help, I don't want to be her friend.
October 18, 2003
3:25 am
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gypsygirl
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I go to a group for borderline personalities. There is this girl there, fairly new, she always complains about her boyfriend and how his kids punch her in the face and blah blah, she said how he dosen't want her to go to counseling... so I opened my big mouth and said that it's because she will figure out what an ass he is and leave. I told her that he would never change, and that she should find herself. After group she asked to speak to me and for a ride home. Well now she is calling me all the time and crying about how her boyfriend threw her out and she wanted to stay with me. I told her no, but how do I let her know that I don't want to be her friend? She has tha emotional intellegence of a child. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to be her caretaker either.

October 18, 2003
4:32 am
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free
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How about "I can't be your friend outside of group. I'm sorry, but it's just not somethng I can do. Group is only a part of my life, and I need group to stay at group."

I've a feeling she is not going to listen to this. You may have to stop taking her calls. Please say she doesn't know where you live.

One thing I've learned is that when I try to rescue when I'm not able to do so, I don't rescue- i sink the ship faster. It does nobody any good.

free

October 18, 2003
5:29 pm
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gypsygirl
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thank god she dosen't know where I live. She did ask, but I only gave her a general area. I think I will take you advice, that sounds like a nice way to put it.

October 18, 2003
10:17 pm
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unhappy camper
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Try to transfer her needyness into the hands of the group counselor. Ask the girl to discuss it with the profession as you are not qualified...blah blah blah.....

And yes, in a group it's a good idea to remain annonymous. Just like here.

October 19, 2003
12:05 am
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gypsygirl
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I told her to ask the counselor for help with a place to life, after all she is also her case mananger. She has been controled all of her life and dosen't realize that she can be in control of her own life.

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