Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Help Dating Online videogame addict!!
October 20, 2004
1:47 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Can someone please explain this to me?

October 20, 2004
1:50 pm
Avatar
starryslp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MEN

October 20, 2004
1:50 pm
Avatar
starryslp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MEN

October 20, 2004
1:51 pm
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi overkill.......go back to your original posting for "keep telling myself" and your support and feedback will be listed under that topic.

good luck!

October 20, 2004
1:52 pm
Avatar
Cici
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Same as any addiction - inability to cope with everyday life leads addict to seek some numbing activity that distances them from their emotions. This is true for alcoholics, drug addicts, workaholics, shopaholics, etc.

October 20, 2004
2:03 pm
Avatar
Emperorsclothes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

ditto cici

October 20, 2004
2:23 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yep. What Cici said. SD

October 20, 2004
3:10 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~CICI~ yes, you said it best!!

~Overkill~

I feel your pain! ... I married one! I have lived with it for 10 years totally not understanding it, until now. Thinking I was somehow not good enough, that this game could replace me completely in his life.

The problem with most gamers -- They are functional addicts... They usually don't hit that "rock bottom" that makes most of us change, even if it causes all kinds of problem around them.. They don't "get it"..

So, don't focus on his issue at all... Work on you, and keep moving forward... I did I feel MUCH better... The advice on your other post is very solid... read it...

October 20, 2004
3:31 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Level 7
I hear you! I feel exactly the same way! I feel replaced and NOW he is on the phone with these people. I have a HUGE problem with this new aspect cause its more personal and makes me Very uncomfortable. How did you get over that feeling??

October 20, 2004
4:17 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I didn't ... It still kind freaks me out...

But what I DID do, was stop worrying about it... I let him go... He's going to do what he's going to do no matter what... I have zero control over his behavior and I learned to be OK with it. ( Ok with the not having control, but not ok with his behavior). That's the first big hurdle for you.

I worry about the "personal" aspect too.. it is very easy to fall into that trap of online romance, because let's face it, it's all fantasy until you actually meet the person you're talking to... Most people aren't what they say they are... Your imagination fills in the rest, usually incorrectly... Trust me on this one... Most likely he's talking to guys not girls, if that's what you're worried about... Unless you know differently..

That's all beside the point... Anyway, this isn't about him or his problem and you can't fix him... This is about you and your feelings of resentment and neglect... The BEST thing for you to do is do for yourself... If he's gonna play games all day/night, then you're going out with your girlfriends... You're going out to dinner.. You're going out to see a movie... You're going to spend some of his money going to the spa.. You're going to go to the gym.. You're going to go to a class... You're going to join a co-dependency group!!..

And this isn't any kind of revenge... This is you going and doing all of the things you SHOULD be doing to have a full life and improve yourself... And then you are going to start looking at yourself and saying "What the heck was I wasting my time with this fool for? I'm FABULOUS!"... You'll probably meet somebdy fabulous too with all that stuff you'll be doing... Don't put another minute into saving him.. Save yourself...

Certainly do not turn your back if he looks like he really wants or needs help.. But don't make it your primary focus...

Let him go... If was meant to be, the day you say "I'm great and I'm leaving", he'll wake up and wonder where he's been.. If not, you don't need him... I'm on the brink of that with my husband.. I'm improved to the point to where now I'm just struggling with the marriage vow itself... Should I break it or not, but that's my personal struggle...

I usally don't say this unless I know a person's preference, but seriously, conscious focused prayer helped me alot. There is a little book called "Day By Day Love is a Choice - Devotions for Codependents" and there was a passage about everyone being capable in Christ.. I don't know what your background is, but the message made sense... It was simply:

I can
He can
Let him!

In other words, let go.. PHEW! So glad not to have that burden on my shoulders... I hope this or anything I've said can free you too... Feel free to ask anything else!

Just remember the sickness is his, not yours.. You are fabulous!

October 20, 2004
4:45 pm
Avatar
FoolMeThrice
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hmmm..

I play online video games, and, think they are a lot of fun! Talking to the people on the phone is not as strange as it sounds. Some of these games take a lot of organization to play and it can be difficult pulling it off in text only.

I guess it becomes a problem if it interferes with responsibilities, but, that would be true of any activity.

So, imo, the problem isn't that he is playing these games, it's that he is neglecting other parts of his life. If it wasn't games, it would probably be something else.

October 20, 2004
5:16 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Level 7 YOU ARE SO AWESOME!!!! Yes you have totally helped me put alot of things into perspective here....and yes I am on my way to my co-dependancy group!! Its really nice to talk to someone who knows where Im coming from. And yes he is talking to girls (distrusing him is not the issue) but it still makes me uncomfortable. The hardest part is going to be distancing myself from him because we are always together. Friends and family do not understand why I just cant let go and its nice to have a more understanding perspective.I would like to ask a question If I may...Has your husband seen or reacted to any of these changes you have made for yourself?? You do not have to answer but I am just asking to see what I may be looking at in the future.

October 20, 2004
5:19 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~Foolmethrice~

Exactly, an addict, is an addict, is an addict, is an addict.. period, doesn't matter the subject of it ( drugs, games,etc.) Again CICI said it best above...

Yes, I game also! I am aware of how much coordination some games require, and it's easier to talk to them than write it... But if you play for any length of time, eventually that chat ceases to be anonymous.. I've seen it happen HERE, as well as in games... This is a strict issue of trust, but when somebody is spending all their time gaming and not paying attention to you at all, it's a little difficult to say "OH, that's ok honey, do what ever you want, I trust you"... Not....

That neglect aspect is exactly what I and Overkill are concerned about..SOME gamers are level headed and can balance their lives... I am in the middle of a huge group of them and I see how the behavior varies from person to person... There are individual differences... But in most cases, they're tuning out.. Games are a gigantic time-waster, because you get focused and they take a long time to play..

BTW, we are talking PC games here, not Xbox and the like... LAN parties are the bane of my existence... But in either case, sounds like Overkill and I managed to pick the un-balanced guys... Incidentally, it also looks like hers has prior serious drug addiction ( read other post) so essentially he's traded one addiction for the other.. There's a clue....

My advice to Overkill is still the same.. work on you forget about his problem until HE looks like he wants to deal with it, and then you can help him.. In the meantime, prepare yourself for a good life and be the best you can for YOU, not him...

October 20, 2004
5:26 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Fool Me Thrice
Please dont get me wrong...I know that this is an intrest of his and has nothing to do with the game itself. Maybe you can help me to understand why an online game can give you access to hundreds of thousands of people in multiple chat rooms at the same time and yet still need to be on the phone with them. Does that not remove itself from being an online game? Its the movement to reality that has me worried. its now real people with real voices. Am I just being to overbearing??

October 20, 2004
5:44 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~Overkill~

Gosh! Thanks! I'm glad I helped somebody! See, God does have a plan for our pain... It's all worth it...

I'm going to be very careful in how I answer your question:

Yes and no... He has I think become aware of the fact that I am no longer looking to him for attention. It's not really passive/agressive on my part, I just got busy! I have my own life independent of him, and I think he knows it... A year ago he would pull away from me if I tried to kiss him, now he lets me... He smiles more, but I think he just got into a new online game that he really really likes.. It has nothing to do with me.. I've made amazing changes, like HUGE changes, in the last 6 months, but he has neither commented nor noticed, that I can tell... He's still lost in his world and does not really participate in "our" life... Although recently, he did agree to go to a party with me, and I almost fainted from the shock... Not sure what got into him...

Anyway, here's the bigger point.. Don't look for him to notice anything.. Do for you and only for you.. Don't change one thing if the motivation is to make him notice... I learned to accepthis behavior as ok for him, even if it wasn't ok for me, and let it go, and move on with MY life... I'm sure there are things you are not doing because you hang around waiting for him to notice you... Move on.. He's not going anywhere...

I am at a point where I could comfortably walk away, and be ok... Nobody can take God's love away from me, and that's really all that anybody needs.. The love of your b/f is not nearly as important as that and the love you have for yourself... Seriously... Please know that in a conscious way...

I guess I don't know if you live with person, if not, oh boy! Here's your get out of jail free card... Start being "unavailable"... Go do your own thing ( short of dating because you don't need that right now) and don't even tell him... Don't tell anybody.. Just go do something entirely for yourself, something you've always wanted to do, without anyone's approval, and see how proud you get about yourself... and pray, pray, pray ( if you do)... mediation of any kind helps with this... And keep going to your meetings! I wish you the best...

October 20, 2004
5:51 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

~Overkill~

Quickly, see above.. The phone thing really does have an advantage in team games over chat.. the action moves too fast sometimes to write... It's not an issue unless they start talkign about things other than the game.. So that you'll have to judge for yourself if you trust this guy.. Might be ok, might not... My husband is such a geek that all he talks about IS the game...

That being said, not to make you paranoid, but the issue is the support webpages that alot of groups/guilds have in addition to communicating within the game... That's where the personal info gets passed, not the game itself, in fact in a few games you can't type in phone numbers ,etc.,they get blocked...

October 20, 2004
5:59 pm
Avatar
silence
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I like playing video games as much as the next person. But, if I have anything to do that gets me out of the house, I'm there. I play video games alone. I don't like playing in front of family or friends. And I don't like multiplayer games that much. Every now and then I'll do some lightsaber dueling in a star wars game, but that's it.

October 20, 2004
6:00 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for all of your help level 7. Your exactly right on the money!

October 20, 2004
6:06 pm
Avatar
overkill
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Silence...Consider yourself lucky!!! I have spent NIGHTS OUT with his friends (he knew them before he started playing) who also play this game and by the end of the night I havent said two words and I THINK i'm listening to english but I havent understood one conversation. We went to Vegas and he kept IM-ing people FROM HIS CELL PHONE!!!!!!!

October 20, 2004
6:26 pm
Avatar
Level _7
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Aye Chihuahua!

Fortunately, my husband, not THAT bad... And since I game occaisionally as well , I make it a point to look at what he's playing, ask questions about it, so that I DON'T get left out of conversations.. I don't have such an interest in it, but it is a good way to keep up...

~Silence~
Me too... I get bored after about an hour or two, I can't sit still that long and stare at my computer, even if the game is challenging.. I have no preference over SPS or team, but I'd much prefer to be out somehere having a good time... and communicating with people I can actually see!.. And, how's that hair doin'? I hear it's your best feature.. LOL.. I'm soo dumb...

December 21, 2020
9:31 am
Avatar
Therenchat9
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
December 21, 2020
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have a lot of friends with whom we love to get together and play video games. When I want to increase my rating, I go to the site https://askboosters.com/wow-po.....-leveling/ here guys who know their job well will pump your account very quickly and efficiently.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111148
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
gegeger, mamahanisha, joachimfreunde, Deressamble, Neakey, ronaldcarter
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information