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help, anyone cry uncontrollably at their first CODA meetings?
May 25, 2009
11:20 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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September 24, 2010
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well, I was the same way too, I never knew when I was going to cry and when I wasn't.

I often cried so hard, I was blubbering and could only get one word out at a time in between heaves and sobs....many handed me tissues and patted my back, trying to help me settle down...some looked like they were in pain, others were very sympathetic.

as far as being out of control - that's part of what I had to learn to let go of....that's one of the facets of being codependant.....worrying what others will think and worrying about maintaining control....sometimes it's ok to lose control....better to lose control in a meeting, than in front of someone who will take advantage of you....meetings are "safe" zones for us to let things out.

If you can't talk while it's happening, don't....just let it ride until you can...sometimes we don't need to talk...just "feel".

don't judge what others THINK about it....it may not scare others....it may make THEM feel like crying, which is THEIR feelings, and you aren't responsible for it (we are working on being codependant, right?).....also, people may know you as having such good control that they don't expect it from you, so it may surprise them (which may not be the case if it's your first meeting). The whole purpose of meetings is to give you a platform to explore your feelings without feeling judged....so, try not to assume what others feel about the outburst....that's why they don't allow cross talk, so that you can be "safe" and free of judgement.

please give meetings more time....it can be very theraputic to let all those bottled emotions out.

like a champagne bottle ready to burst when you uncork it.....you have many bottled up emotions inside you, that never had a safe place to come out....going to meetings is giving you that....and they may "explode" at first because they have been bottled up under such extreme pressure for so long....it's GOOD to let them out....otherwise, it may IMPLODE and you may self destruct.

May 25, 2009
12:25 pm
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balancesekr
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September 27, 2010
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hi everyone,
mzrella, I didn't get to read all the new posts on here, but I read yours. There is a book, "Facing Codependence" by Pia Mellody, I believe she is the author. It may feel a little less critical. For me, I felt like, wow, there are other people out there experiencing the same situations, and its not my fault. The book explains things really well, different styles of codependency and the ways people keep you at bay when you try to break free of codep behaviors.

I am heading out right now, have an awesome day everyone, talk to you soon!
b

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