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Help-15 yr old daughter involved in homosexual relationship w/18 yr old
December 26, 2000
10:15 pm
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connie
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I need advice on whether to make her terminate the friendship. They swear they are not doing anything. I don't trust them anymore. I feel like my daughter doesn't really know what she's doing, but I'm torn on how it's going to affect her if I tell her she can't be her friend. She really doesn't have any other close friends. She has always needed a lot of affection, and I am afraid she just found it with the wrong person. The bad part is that the 18 yr old is really a nice girl, just mislead I think. If this hadn't happened, I would like her as a friend for my daughter. Any advice?

December 27, 2000
9:34 am
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janes
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Well....18 is legal age...can prosecute for juvenile crimes..that would aleinate your daughter tho'.

My now 21 year old told us she was gay when she was 17...after no clues at all.

It could be a phase... Seems to be a fad thing among certain groups.

This is a tough one...

If she truly is gay you are not going to change her by attempting (attempting) to terminate the relationship. You could even drive her away.

We always stated our disapproval (strongly) but they have to choose their own lifes paths...and even tho they choose paths we would not choose...that's life.

Sit them down and talk seriously about the problems with sex at an early age...doesn't matter what kind it is..it can still be damaging to the psyche.

(relax..even tho' you don't approve and it breaks your heart...love her anyway)

Our daughter recently decided...she isn't gay...but whatever..she's my kid and I love her. If she decides to marry a sheep or goat..then I'll get concerned...what and whomever ..that's her business.

She taught me long ago that the control IS NOT MINE.

good luck to you.

j-

December 27, 2000
12:03 pm
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Molly
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Ditto, on Janes advice, don't know if I would start the discussion with both of them, but most definately with your daughter, just like if she started to get hot and heavy with a guy at this age, it is just to young to be experimenting with sex. Let her know that you love her no matter what, I too believe that it is a fad thing, especially the bi sexual stuff with the girls. My oldest has not had a long term relationship with a boy or a man, and I have had my suspicions, especially when I went to her apartment, and there was a swarm of photos on the walls of her and another woman, who appears to be several years older. It would be a tough choice for them if that is indeed their choice, but the animal stuff is where I too would draw the line. I would not over react to your discovery, remember the more you persist, the more they resist, the more you resist, the more they persist. At least it is not drugs, or cancer, ok, keep it in perspective.

December 27, 2000
1:00 pm
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Cici
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I was very close to one female friend in high school - in fact, some of my peers accused us of being gay. We weren't. In fact, we never did anything even remotely close.

If you can't trust your daughter, why should she trust you? Has she done anything overt to violate your trust in her, or are you basing you judgement of her relationship solely on suspicions?

My Mother was opposed to my friendship with this girl, and made sure to tell me on a daily basis. All this did was instill a barrier between us that culminated with us not speaking to each other for over a year after I moved in with this friend when I was a sophomore in college.

Before you make any restriction son socialization, please make sure you know the truth of the matter.

January 6, 2001
10:31 pm
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TaeQT
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I can speak from personal experience... I am a lesbian... I was in my first relationship at age 16... The hardest part about it for me was having to deal with all of the issues of a normal teenager and then having these extra ones, the shame and guilt you feel.... my mother says she always knew about me, she says she could just always tell... she didn't finally confront me about until I was 18... she was the hardest person to tell.... anyways, she was in denial about the whole thing for so very long and kind of still is.... but one thing I greatly appreciate about our friendship- she respects my choice, whether she feels it is a stage or not, and although she knew about it when I was younger, she respected my level of judgment and maturity... and for this I will always appreciate my mother for giving me the respect of making my own decisions about my sexuality and my relationships... if I may pose a question for you- Would you feel differently if it were a boy she was interested in???

January 7, 2001
10:45 am
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christina
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as a 16yr old i think you should support her. she know's what she's doing and she's going to experiment, making her destroy her relationship will only destroy the one you have with her.....

January 18, 2001
7:42 pm
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pg lova
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I truly understand your disapproval. A homosexual relationship is not a correct relationship to enter. However, you cannot make someone stop doing that unless they want to. Therefore, what I would suggest that you do is pray over her. Explain to her God's plan for creation that each man should be with a woman and a woman with a man. Then after you've done everything you can, you have to just stand and be strong. Know that it is not your fault that she chose this way, but love her regardless because she is your daughter.

January 24, 2001
2:52 am
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gingerleigh
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Hm, not sure what to respond to this... I am a heterosexual female myself, but I get really angry inside when people tell others that homosexuality is not correct or is morally reprehensible. I myself am sterile and unable to bear children. What right does God have to tell me that I must live out my life with a man, even though I cannot procreate? I have had to deal with being rejected by men because I am unable to father their biological children. I envy women who are lucky enough to find another human being to accept them as they are (male or female, sterile or fertile).

Or, does God believe that I should be alone for eternity because I cannot bear life in His image?

Anyone have comments they wish to share? Would love to hear what others think.

January 24, 2001
8:03 am
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janes
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GOD doesn't tell you that you MUST do anything. The Bible does give a pretty good set of rules that if they are followed actually protect us from STD's, broken homes, abuse and a multitude of other societal ills

(only sleep with the one person you marry, cherish your spouse for life and remain faithful, honor your spouse, don't anger your children, don't kill, lie, charge to much interest etc. etc. etc.)

I don't believe GOD thinks you should be alone...that's some stupid male thing. "People" can be pretty stupid.

As for homosexuality...(and all the other choices we make with our lives...)God gave us FREE WILL to make our own way. He would prefer we come to Him..but again..it's our choice.

January 24, 2001
12:27 pm
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Cici
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You guys, don't sweat it. This pg lova character is extrinsicalyl motivated in terms of his/her religion and you can't really reason with people like that (believe me, i've tried). Just ignore those ignorant comments. If they continue to post like that, I'll e-mail the site coordinator.

I was reading a comparative religions book. The author said, you can't make a complete study of any one religion without examining ALL religions. That would be like a geologist only examining the rocks in his backyard and claiming that he knew the be-all-end-all of geology.

But, i suspect, people like pg lova have never really learned about any religion other than their own. Close-minded, cruel and judgemental.

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