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HELLO HORSEFLY, THIS IS NAPPY (SMILE)
January 25, 2007
1:07 pm
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nappy
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Hello Horsefly, How have you been doing. I hope that all is well with you. How's life treating you, I hope that the sun is shining on you and that you have peace and joy.

Before I go into my thread that I had written, me and my ex goes back along way. Me being 15 and he 16. Well life took a difference course for the both of us (he went to jail at a early age, got off into drugs and alcohol and then being homeless)
(me, having relationship, having babies and being out on my own.) Well after 25 years later we meet up again. He has been sober for 10 years now, he still give me respect like he did before. He has never call me out of my name, never beat me or hit me. Someone told me that his life wasn't like mines, and when he did get those things, he didn't know what to do with them. They say that I had shown him a life that he was scared of but now since being with me, he wants those things again. He is not the type to go after any other woman, I guess he lives in his own fears but just don't know how to handle them. I also knows that being on drugs and alcohol has done something to him because he has lost a lot in life. I'm starting to realize that this man didn't have those things in life and when his mother was trying to teach him, he didn't listen and he was on drugs when his mother died and he didn't get a chance for her to see him right now in his life of being sober.
Well after our life together didn't work out, I guess he has realize that leaving was not what he wanted to do and he realize that he has made a big mistake but I know that it is me not wanting to try again because I am scared. I am scared of being hurt and also trying to deal with the (that is the way life is and stop trying to make it what I want it to be.) Since he has been living in the same complex, things was going alright. I had to put up boundaries because I didn't want them cross. This is the way things are and that is just the way things is. It seem like he is trying to hang on to my family. When I say that my boys don't like him, I'm not saying that they don't like him, they don't like the way he is because they feel that a man at that age is acting stupid because they feel they are more mature then he is but I guess they don't understand either that they were brought up better then he was and he didn't have any support as a kid. Only one of my son knows why he is the way he is and he understand. ( 17 years of age went to prison) in his twenty married, being on drugs and alcohols and then homeless. But he told me that I was being an adult and his life is at a stand still and that I may be the best things that has happen to his life, and he told me that just like you is scared, maybe he is scared also.

January 25, 2007
1:27 pm
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horsefly
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Nappy, How many sons do you have ,bby the way? Gosh, everyone has their unique set of circustances, don't they? I can definitely see you still kinda bonded.. I have been through alot with my ex like bonding. But you have known your ex your practically your whole life...Maybe a part of you is hoping he will change? whos to say if he can or cannot......but what I think we have so much in common is the way we feel about our exes..But Mine is not going to change I just can't allow him to walk all over anymore...He has a mental disorder, plus he smokes alot of dope to level it off. I liked him to smoke it , that was the only time he was social. Your ex has been clean 10yrs? I don't know how screwed up he is , sometimes even taking the drink away they are still screwed up. I trust your judgement and feel like you are being open and honest with your thougths, so anyway I am doing ok and I am just trying to stay busy to keep my mind off of all my problems...Love,horsefly

January 25, 2007
2:18 pm
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horsefly
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Nappy , I feel like I need a good old fashion prayer today,,Have you got one? Your Friend, horsefly

January 25, 2007
2:25 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Here's One....God , grant Me Serentity to Accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change those I can....And the Wisdomn to know the difference...horsefly

January 25, 2007
2:30 pm
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nappy
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Here is another one

Make me strong in spirit
Courageous in action
gentle of heart,
Let me act in wisdom,
conquer my fear and doubt,
discover my own hidden girfts,
Meet others with compassion,
Be a source of healing energies,
and face each day with hope and joy.

And also the one I love to read:

TWENTY-THIRD PSLAM

The lord is my sheperd, I shall not want......

Oh, I have three sons and four grandchildren.

January 25, 2007
2:35 pm
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horsefly
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Thanks Nappy , I needed that....It is pretty obvious to me , you live by your prayers....thanks again for shining a little of your love on me..horsefly

January 26, 2007
1:43 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Hey Nappy, its horsefly, Are you anywhere around today? Hope all is well with you, Your Pal, horsefly

January 26, 2007
1:59 pm
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nappy
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Well Hello, Horsefly
Yes, I'm here. Just been working hard these first few hours. So how are you doing today. Today is a beautiful day and I am going to enjoy the weather this weekend. It has really been cold these last couple of days for us but I am not complaining.
So How is everything going with you? Have you gotten your things yet from your ex? I didn't know if you did or not.
Well I hope that you respond and I hope all is well

Nappy

January 26, 2007
2:13 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Nappy , It is beautiful here too.We must be close. Today is Friday and I have sat up a plan to go on Monday.. I have it all thought out and feel confident.. I am on going to make my initial trip to get what I can. I am going in and coming straight back....I am not lingering around...YOu know what I mean...MONDAY is the big day..Thanks for checking with me. I always love hearing from you,,I am taking my dog for a walk , it is so nice out...Have a good day, horsefly

January 26, 2007
2:19 pm
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nappy
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You know Horsefly, I have been on this site for about a year now and I am thankful to where I am at now. I am very bless because I can think back on my life and say that god truly does take you out of the dark clouds and put sunshine back into your life.
I know that we talk about our ex's and about the problems that they have but this site has really open me up to realize that I also had problems. I just didn't know what they were. I realize also that since I witness my mother and father relationship as a child, I finally realize that they didn't have a healthy relationship.
I do know that I had to stop FINDING in a man the same bad traits like my father. I guess I felt like all mens were like him. He was an abuses man and I guess that I just grew up saying to myself that I AM NOT GOING TO BE TREATED LIKE THAT. I realize that I have a problems with someone trying to control me, or even maybe trying to tell me what to do. But then again I have been told that I am also controlling but I had to be in control at the age of 15 when my mother died. I was controlling an apartment, my sisters and brother and helping my grandmother. Then I became grown and started my own family, I was in control of them until they were grown. I was angry for a long time in my life about my mother death and didn't really know how to let go but to just keep on with life. It is funny what you learn later on in life and this site has help me alot. It allow you to express your thoughts and feeling and not feel ashame. And it is also nice to have friend like you and the other to talk to. I used to feel that I was the only one who had problems but I see that this world wouldn't go around if we all didn't have them.
My ex is a great speaker. Like I said he has been sober for 10 years. His 11th year is coming up in March and I hope that one day I can tell him that the next time he speak in front of the groups, he should not speak about the drugs and acohol because they all know that they should try and get off of the stuff but to truly speak about the after life. HOW TO MAINTAIN IN SOCIETY AND INTO THE REAL WORLD.

That sound like a really good book title huh! (smile)

January 26, 2007
2:23 pm
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nappy
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Horsefly, are you going alone or are you having someone to go with you? Yes it is best to just get what is yours and to leave right aways. Sometimes that is when we haven't seen them in a long time and then they start to look good to us again(smile) like a piece of steak meat (smile)

January 26, 2007
2:32 pm
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horsefly
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So true so true...That is what it is really about. The relationship within ourself..I have spent alot of time here escaping through a man that wasn"t worth a #$$$$$$!!!! So am now respnsile for myself..My counselling/therapst appointment is Feb 27. . Because I will need the help to MAINTAIN IN SOCIETY AND THE REAL WORLD too. .....................You know Nappy I have seen people get off drugs or booze and never develope past that ..small changes maybe,,that is why addiction is just a sympton....I 'm sure you already know this...Your ex may need to be aliitle more accountable for all of his actions...perhaps ? I am so happy I met you and MzKitty , I do feel safe here,...isn't that great? horsefly

January 26, 2007
2:34 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Nappy, right now he is looking In my mind like an old can of alpo..teehee,horsefly

January 26, 2007
3:01 pm
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nappy
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You made me laugh (smile)
My ex is and still is attractive. He was attractive then (16) and as he has gotten older, he gotten more attractive (smile)
A friend of mines had let me know that people that do get off of drugs or booze has never really develope. He has told me that but I guess I just didn't understand. And I also know that by being with me, he did have to deal with his own mistakes because I wasn't carrying them for him.
He is already carrying them now because after three years of trying to get me back to living with him, he didn't succeed. I know that he misses the family life now because he never had that. His family now talks to him but I had told him that the reason they sometimes treat him like that is because of his past problems. After his mother died, he had started to be co-dep on his oldest sister. He hung on to every words. But when he went to go live with them for about a year, she threw him out and that was when he realize that just because we are kin, you can be kick out and don't return. See his family are not close but mines are and that is what makes us a family.

January 26, 2007
4:39 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Nappy , I just don"t know. I tend to agree with the old sayings "leopards don't change there spots" or my Mom told me one once when a guy hit me, "First time is his fault-second time is your fault.....But I always give room for people to change.....Even old alpo could it is possible..You know he did have some good qualities even though and I can still be attracted to him.. But for me the guy has walked all over me and I don"t find him very sexy right now....YUCK heehee .....Of course I know I have a weakness for him, But time will just have to tell, if I done or not. Nappy , you always brighten my day'horsefly

January 26, 2007
5:14 pm
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nappy
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Oh yes! Time will tell when we see them again in life and then you think "WHAT WAS I THINKING" (smile)

I guess people does change, it just a matter of when. My sister has been married for about 23 years. Her husband we didn't like. None of us did. He was rude, he was mean and we really didn't like him. Now my other sister has been married for about 17 years, Her husband came into our family and we adore him. Now here it is years and years later and my sister that is married for 23 years, her husband did a flip,twist, turn around. We like him now. We all do. He has change completely. My sister said that he just woke up one morning and here he is.

Now my sister that is married for 17 years her husband did a flip, twist, turn around and oh my gosh, we don't like him one bit now. He turn out for the worst.

I think life is so funny but my sister that is married for 23 years, she didn't leave. I felt that she put up with a lot of stuff but when she gave it up to god, things did change but my sister with her husband, he went the other way. I just wish that she would give it up to god because she can't beat this one on her own.
He was pure and now he does drugs and booze and everything else.

I try and give people the benefit of the doubt and that hitting part. My ex's never hit me because they knew that if they hit me, they were going to get hit back. I just couldn't sit back and let any one hit me. They have tried to slap me and then they get slap right back.

The kids father told them one day, that he have never talk bad about me but he do want to say that to never hit your mother because she will hit you back (smile)

Mens shouldn't be hitting on woman anyway. They are coward if they do.

January 26, 2007
6:07 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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You crack me up Nappy,,,I started thinking....I have finally have old Alpo's number. Thanks to everyone here so I really don't expect any change.....Once he was a fine steak but today I have packaged him.Sorta like bologne....I am just being silly.. You know some people just change their wicked ways because they get tired and it doesn't work for them anymore......I also fight back also, If a man hits me he will get hurt...My stepfather use to try to beat me.....horsefly

January 28, 2007
9:10 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Nappy, Pulled your tread up to let you know where I will be tommorrow, I am going to get my stuff , I will contact yo whne I get back...Would you say one of your special prayers for me? I know you will....Your Friend, horsefly

February 14, 2010
1:05 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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(smile) I miss you so much my dear dear angel...............Always, horsefly

February 14, 2010
2:40 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Nappy, I can not let go of the ex. He hates me now. Time is not a healer. I always thought, Life is full of shit.

Yes, time is a hero.......time will tell.

I still keep deep in my heart I not only deserve better without needing anything more than my health, sister, my home.

He and the horses are going to be a constant heartache...broken soul.

I am going to make you proud of and I will update you. Love Always, horsefly

February 14, 2010
8:13 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Gawd how I miss Nappy. I wish she would come back with her plain old wisdom.
Horsefly, someone once posted here that "time heals all wounds...it also wounds all heels." I like to hold on to that last part.

Bitsy

February 14, 2010
10:01 am
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StronginHim77
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Dearest Horsefly,

If I recall correctly, your ex is a narcissist. They hate everyone, especially themselves. Remember that narcissism is a mental illness. You are not dealing with a normal human being, but with someone who has a serious personality disorder and is utterly incapable of empathy, affection or love for any living creature.

I, too, have fallen for a narcissist. We have to "let them go," realizing that they are not fully human, just brilliant "actors" who project normalcy and go thru the motions of caring for another human (us), in order to reel us in. Once they have us, they have no clue what to actually DO with us, since they are incapable of genuine intimacy.

Please be encouraged, my friend. And yes...I miss our Nappy dearly. She was so unique...such a straight shooter with such depth and compassion.

- Ma Strong

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