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Hello from Utahgirl .
September 23, 2003
1:17 am
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Utahgirl
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Hi my friends!

Iam sorry I dropped out into nowhere land but I decided to say "hi" while I got a second. I have a lot I could tell every one but I have to be honest and first ask a question to everyone who reads this.

My question is: Do you think that God would willing punish a person because they didn't pursue a career path that He wanted them to pursue. A special question for Gypsygirl and MJ Why did you leave the mormon faith?
What do you think of it?
I will find more time to tell more about what has been going on sometime tommorrow.

Utahgirl

September 23, 2003
1:26 am
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Zinnie
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Hi Utahgirl,

I believe God gave us the gift of free will so that we may make our own choices in our lives.

Zinnie

September 23, 2003
2:25 am
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Anam Cara
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Utahgirl

Behind a question like the one you pose - must be prompted by something very deep in your soul - Oh yes -obviously do I here you say?

Your question also has an obvious answer. ----Of course not!

Punishment cannot come from a forgiving - loving God.

You see I believe we all go to heaven despite ourselves .

He died to save us - not to punish us.

God bless. LOL.

Anam

September 23, 2003
2:28 am
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Zinnie
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Oh Anam,

You see things so clearly! I feel the same. I have people tell me differently all the time, however, I believe God to be a forgiving and loving God. If you live the best life possible, you will see the way.

Love,
Zinnie

September 23, 2003
2:36 am
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gingerleigh
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Nah, God wouldn't punish you for something like that. God has far more grace than that! *grin*

Hope all is good with you. Nice to hear from you, girl.

September 23, 2003
4:25 am
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silence
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I believe that god constantly punishes me because it makes her laugh.

September 23, 2003
4:40 am
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Zinnie
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No Silence...

I make God laugh. He is still looking down at me going... "help, she is 40 years old, and still cannot manage to go through a complete year without falling down in front of a crowd of people!

Also, if you ever wonder if God has a sense of humor, go to a park and watch the ducks for an hour!

Love,
Z.

September 23, 2003
4:58 am
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elliott
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Zinnie wear springs, you just bounce right back up.

September 23, 2003
9:33 am
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bel
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I believe God does not punish, why would he when he made us a beautiful earth to live in. We have the freedom to choose our own path and as long as you have God in your heart he is happy.

September 23, 2003
10:12 am
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sixfootblonde
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I also believe God gave us free will so that we may make our own choices. To him, the everyday choices are our opportunity to make our lives our own, and why would God mind which path our careers took? I do think however there are big choices he gave us the opportunity to make and if we reject what he offers (his son), we will pay a price ultimately. But that's just me. I agree with Anam and others that God is a loving, forgiving God ... he gives us so many chances because after all he did create us and has done so much for us.

Welcome back Utahgirl....What's happening with you?

September 23, 2003
10:22 am
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gypsygirl
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Hey Utah.

I believe that there is no hell, no three levels of heaven. I believe everyones soul is equal once we die. I think that we are on earth to gain knowlede. Good and evil need each other, they balance each other out. like the yin yang. Earth is evil and heaven is good.

I left the mormon faith because they failed me. I was only 10, then again when I was 14, and again when I was 19. I wont go into detail.

Perhaps I should have more forgivness, or then again maybe I have forgiven. I wont open myself back up to be hurt again in the same way.

The good news is that I had Nicole blessed by my brother.

September 23, 2003
10:51 am
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mj
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Hi Utahgirl,
My question to you is "What do YOU think?"

How do you know if Your God wants you to pursue a certain career path?
Did you thoughtfully pray about it and feel like this career is right for you?

Your question of me brought alot of emotions and thoughts to surface...but I really don't care to discuss my personal spiritual choice with anyone at this time....after all I am having trust issues and this is highly personal...so maybe another day ...ok 🙂

Welcome back...
Are you still living with your parents in Utah? I recall that you were worrying about a career choice with your disability and was really emotionally torn last time I saw you post over 6 or so months.

I wish you well as you struggle with your spirituality. 🙂

September 23, 2003
11:31 am
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sixfootblonde
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and a struggle it is.....

I grew up in a non-denominational, pretty strict right wing gospel hall. Left when I was about 15. To this day I am torn between the hell-fire preached from the time I can remember, trying to reconcile that almost instinctive rhetoric and the God I've come to know as an adult. It is a struggle, but I look at it this way....if we're searching, we'll find our way. I don't think God hides from us, I think he's happy to meet us partway.

Mj, I'm sorry you're still struggling with trust issues. In the end, all we can account for and all we can attest to is our own actions and our own intentions. Anyone else -- is beyond our control. It's hard to do but the best thing is to probably let go. I know for me, it seems when I hold onto a negative emotion towards another, it only hurts me. Damndest thing -- it never seems to affect that other person at all! lol (((hugs))) dear old friend!!

September 23, 2003
12:38 pm
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silence
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It just makes everyone try harder to convert you when you tell them that you don't believe anymore.

A guy at work jokingly likes to come around singing kumbaya or something similar every time he comes into one of my trucks.

Also we have family dinners every Sunday night where my sister comes. Every damn week they hold hands and say grace while I sit there silently and she has to reach over and touch me. I'm so tempted to stab her hand with my fork.

September 23, 2003
4:09 pm
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gypsygirl
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I was at group a few weeks ago and our group guy was in the hospital, one of the girls suggested we all hold hands and pray. I told her no way. I don't pray.

September 23, 2003
5:55 pm
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Utahgirl
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I just found out I can take a test tomorrow so I am going to put off homework for a little while and write a long post updating all you guys.

Well to start with I am still living at home with mommy and daddy. I obviously not real thrilled with that still!! They keep pretty type reign on me since last April. You ask what happened last April? Well in Sept. 2002 my parents fulfilled a dream the has always had and brought a little cabin in the mountains near the Utah/Wyoming border. They go a lot up to the cabin and they left me for two nights alone at home last April. I was real upset before they were about to leave that Thursday because I had spent the day interviewing and looking for a job. I had worked real hard that whole week at job hunting. I was real mad, depressed and upset about job My parents were going to force me to come with them but I signed a contract saying I would not look for a job on Friday since they felt it would affect my mental health and I should not look for a job that Friday. I did not have group therapy that night. Later that night I ended calling the answering service for my doctor and talking to a crisis worker who told me to go to bed and call my therapist in the morning. I was inbetween therapist at that time and was going to quit individual therapy. After I called the answering service I called my brother Dennie who talked to me for a little bit. Well, the next day and I did look for a job and was also real emotional about it but felt like I had a responsibility to look for work despite everything else. I forgot what I did that night except that I made an appointment with this new therapist that my old one,Beth, recommended. I made an appointment for the next Monday.
Saturday I slept in but was real angry inside about my situation and how I can't seem to find a job. Everything seemed hopeless like they always feel and I got the suicide idea again and decided to carry out my plan that I had come up with to kill myself. I went to the Home Depot ang brought a knife and took my pills and started out to the West Desert to cut myself up and take all of my pills. I would be were no one would find me and I would die.
I stopped and came home and called a friend who told me to call my doctor. My friend is in the same ward as my uncle and his wife. My uncle's wife was home and called some one in our family who was closer to me to come be with me. Well, to make a long story short Sandi, my uncle's wife, called and told my parents when they gor home later that night. They have tried to be in control of my life since that time and they think if I do certain thing my depression will be in control. They control my life!

Well, I got a new therapiet name Katy, who has a PHD in psychology. She is real nice to me and less judgemental then the other psychologist that I worked with for a couple of months. But I do miss Beth a lot. She became more a friend then a therapist to me. She was still very professional but I think there was a lot of dependance issues with her. I also went to a group class to learn how to manage depression which turned into a support group after the class part is over. The people in the group come from all kind of backgrounds but we challenge each other and the therapist with the group does not really say much. I consider the group members my real friends.
I got denied twice form Social Security and I hired a lawyer and sent in paperwork to request a hearing before a judge. I was told by the lawyers paralegal to stop looking for employment until after the hearing in June. I have not actively looked for employment since June. I am really struggling with asking for disability and feel guilty since I have worked with a lot a people as a provider who have a lot more limitations then I have. I am not a depressed as some people and feel like it is unethical for me to get on disability. My group tells me to styop feeling so guilty and I do have an emotional disability and a small physical one too.

Last of all, I am still in school and decided to go into accounting and also I want to go into to Health Information Management. My original post is because I feel God wants me to take a career path that will make my weaknnesses my strengths and these two different fields do not do that. I believe this because of a couple priesthood blessings I recieved and these two fields do not do that. I am angry at God for doing that and setting me up to fail again and again. I am doing my part to try to support myself. I want to be an independent adult so bad that I am willing to turn my back on my church. That is what my original question is all about.

September 23, 2003
8:01 pm
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mj
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Hi Utahgirl!
Thank you for helping me understand you more.

I think the patriartical blessings are a bunch of horse manure myself.

My family is the third largest family in the LDS Church. So for me to break away was just simply amazing.

I have found my own spirituality and believe that God is with me daily.
All I have to do is think my higher power whom I choose to call God...and I am comforted.

I am soooo glad you are continuing therapy and group sessions. Unfortunately, the state of Utah is pretty well operating within the limits of the LDS religion. So you have lots of LDS influence everywhere. I hope that you will find comfort with your private contact with God...and ask him to help you find a solution for you.

I could tell you more about how I removed myself from this LDS influence if you want to know more but I think that the biggest reason was because of my father. His patriartical blessing says he will be there for his family...which he has never been and he goes to church regularly...so to me...It is extremely hypocritical of him to disown me.

I hope you can become financially independent....and move into a healthier situation where you feel like you have control over yourself.

Hugs to you and thanks for sharing.

September 24, 2003
12:02 pm
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Utahgirl
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Would l;ike other feedback. Thank MJ for your feedback!

September 24, 2003
1:27 pm
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gypsygirl
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Utah, I think if you follow your heart and not what the church tells you you will be much happier. Only you can say where your true path leads you.

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