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heart broken beyond repair
July 19, 2005
7:51 am
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freefall
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does anybody know how to deal with losing everything you love how does it all turn from love to evil how to regain the confidence to do it all over anew

July 19, 2005
9:43 am
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jamaicanwife
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Okay, first things first. Your heart is NOT broken beyond repair. You are hurting right now, and you may feel as though you may never recover, but you will. It may take a long, long time, and it will hurt and hurt and hurt, but you will heal.

Just try to take a bite of this for now, it might not be something you're ready to deal with yet, but it needs to be out there where you can see it.

One day at a time, alright?

July 19, 2005
9:57 am
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OopsADaisyFuentes
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have to agree with jamaicanwife..i know that many if not all of us have felt like at one or more times in our lives..like we have hit rock bottom...that we will never come back from all we are going thru and that our hearts will never mend. i'm not hear to give you a Pollyanna speech and tell u the sun will come out tommorow..blah blah blah...tho that is true...when u r at the lowest point..none of that seems believable

all you can really do is put one foot in front of the other...get up each day..breathe in and breathe out...and dont lose hope that maybe today is the day..that it doesnt hurt as much..and there is a future. When u hit rock bottom..you got two ways to go...straight up...or sideways..i prefer the straight up.

Know that you are not alone...and coming here is a theraputic start on your journey back. Baby steps...but you CAN make it! I know of where i speak. Hang in there!

July 19, 2005
11:17 pm
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I C Gold
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I'm there right now and it's true, sometimes it isn't one day at a time, it's 1 hour or 15 minutes...Try and set yourself a goal-something small and see if you can make it. Somedays that's me getting up and dressed!!
I've got pets that have to be fed so I MUST get up. Start a journal and write,write, write, even if you write the same thing 10 times on the same page, nobody's going to read it and don't worry about spelling or anything like that...just pour your heart out at whoever and let it flow onto the paper. This really works for me. LOVE my vent notebook...:)
Good Luck and you will feel better, you may not believe it but remember
"that which doesn't kill us makes us stronger"

July 19, 2005
11:25 pm
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Just Lost
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boy....if we all had a dollar for how we all feel right now. I hate this. I hate that we are all suffering. Suffering because of someone's choice to leave us with a knife stuck in our hearts. We deserve so much better...but the real love is in here. here with us. this is our safe place.....in here with our friends and support

July 19, 2005
11:32 pm
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flutechick
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I have been there (more often than not lately) and I know the depths of dispair and like in "The Pilgrim's Progress" novel, I swim in my slough of despond. It is so true about breaking time down to getting through the day 1 hour, minute, second at a time. I learned in Karate that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". Learn what you can do to turn yourself out of your tailspin (call a friend, journal, meditate) you will get better at it. I clipped out my horoscope and put it on my fridge one day and it has never come off. It's a quote from Winston Churchill "When you are going through hell...just keep going". If it worked for him it has to work for us. Just one foot infront of the other. Stay strong and as cool as you are.

July 20, 2005
12:07 am
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4venus
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I feel the same way right now. I can not breathe. Wish I had a friend to talk to. It seems I am always isolating myself once I get in a relationship...and then when all hell breaks loose, there is no safe place for me.

Man, when was the last time someone told me they love me and had never hit me or threatened me at some point? A shove here, "I'll break your legs there"...

July 20, 2005
4:37 am
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Cinamac
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I have to say I did lose everything, but I gained something better. It sounds so frickin cliche- but I gained my self respect, my life, my freedom and independence. Freedom costs a lot. Boy, did it ever.

I lost my dream house on the ocean, the man of my dreams, my money, my friends, family. It was like a fire ripped through my world. It would have been better if it had, at least I would have had insurance. People may have felt sorry for me if I were widowed. Left casseroles at my door. Taken a collection. But now I am a single mom- stigmatized failure. Foresaken. Bottom of the garbage heap.

Well out of heaps of ashes, the phoenix arises...

I kept this mental image and I had faith. But I do remember thinking if 52% are divorced- over half of the people are feeling like me, or have recently, or will- the walking wounded....how can we do this to ourselves.

I felt I was in a furnace and was forged- I came out stronger, sleeker. I am so independent now. I have made new friends and I have a new family. I would have never believed it.

My heart felt broken beyond repair- but what I realized was there was a miracle...my heart kept on tickin. I promised to be good to myself...it was like I came out of my body and cared for myself like no one ever had in my life. As if I was a baby bird that had just been tossed out of the nest. I breathed life back into me, because there was no one else. No one may have loved me, but I thought I could love me. I promised to wash myself, and give myself good food, and not go around mean and toxic people. To exercise me- I know it sounds crazy. I treated myself if I was an important guest. This changed my life. I was no longer going to be a slave to someone who didn't appreciate the great things and loving kindness I had to offer. I could love myself. So I promised myself I would.

Be kind to yourself...let the healing begin

July 20, 2005
7:56 am
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SexySadie
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Here....here...let the healing begin. My heart has been broken and I thought beyond repair. I had trusted people who in turn took advantage and used my trust in them to further sabotage the situation. I've learned that there is good and evil in all people.

I'm learning one day at a time. I'm learning it's okay to cry and let it out...if I cry then I don't get the panic attacks from keeping all the stress in me. I never thought I would survive this...and look it's been 3wks. now...guess I survived after all. We started off with him hating me and now 3 wks later we are talking as if nothing happened, except he's living with another woman...gotta love that.

But I survived, you will too honey. Just take it one day at a time...baby steps. Trust in yourself. If you can afford it, get a Therapist. I still laugh that at first I was going to a Therapist because of him, NO, I am going for me.

There is so much love and compassion on this board. It's my new home. No one judges on here. We have all felt the pain or are feeling the pain.

July 24, 2005
1:13 am
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freefall
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thankyou all for your heartfelt response, it gives me hope to read how you have all found peace and that the pain will subside, i hope for me too this will happen its a seemingly impossible task i am so lost alone afraid of what i will do to myself if i cant deal with all this.

July 24, 2005
1:18 am
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on my way
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you will get through it. even though it seems as if you never will...but counseling helps, talking to a good freind helps, having someone to lean on helps, and a close trusted family member helps..for me the biggie was prayer.

honestly you will,however long it takes, you will be whole again. i am sorry for your hurt, i have been there too. do not intend to go back, but i do intend to love again, and not let that experience hold me back. but to be honest? i do not regret any of it, although at the time i felt as if i would not make it emotionally, so much i did not understand and wanted desparately to do so.

i have learned some of my life's greates lessons from my relationship..i am better, stronger, more willing, more able to discern what is goo for me and what is not, etc. Pain can be a positve in our lives, although difficult to see up front.

hang in there ok? i promise, we all make it through. keep smiling. 🙂

July 24, 2005
3:14 pm
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Anonymous
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Cinemac, what a beautiful post. I am reminded that I need to put my focus back on ME, treat myself as I would a guest in my home, and love myself enough to walk away from an unhealthy relationship.

I have also allowed myself to be a slave to someone who didn't appreciate the great things and lovingkindness I have to offer. I have done this more than once, but today is a new day, and because of your post I have renewed my resolve to look within and take care of ME. I deserve to be treated better than what I have been accepting. Thanks for reminding me of that!!!

July 24, 2005
11:41 pm
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I C Gold
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Cinemac, Love the post. I'm going to take it to heart and start practicing it tomorrow... What a wonderful concept.

It's been 38 days since my soon to be X2 asked for a divorce, he only moved out July 4th weekend. What a way to celebrate! NOT! I made the mistake of letting it slip that I didn't want this divorce in spite of him cheating on me_am I blind and dumb or what?_
WHY IS IT WHEN THEY LEAVE, YOU CAN ONLY REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES AND NOT ALL THE TIMES THAT DROVE YOU OR THEM TO THE POINT OF LEAVING?????

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