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healintime and others who have decided to step back for a "season..."
November 22, 2006
6:10 pm
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StronginHim77
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It is my hope that you (and several others who have announced their intention to leave the AAC threads today) will reconsider. Everyone's input, regardless of what "stage" of recovery they have achieved, is valuable and appreciated. The beginners need the intermediates and we ALL need the overcoming survivors of toxic and painful relationships and life struggles.

Healin - You have always spoken with great wisdom and depth. Your healing words do alot of good for alot of people, struggling to make it.

I hope you -- and many others -- reconsider and return. You are needed.

November 22, 2006
6:13 pm
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ggfred4
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strong, cyn left too...can't stop crying...all over one thread...

November 22, 2006
6:45 pm
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StronginHim77
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Oh dear. Let us hope they reconsider, after having some time to think. Just hang in there gg...these sorts of things "level out," given time.

- Ma Strong

November 22, 2006
6:51 pm
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ggfred4
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strong, why can't people just let things alone...why do people have to judge people; yes, we may think things, but to come out and print them...that is abusive! I find people here to me that don't even seem to want to recover, some are just hurting and have nowhere to go, and some are working hard,,,but it is not my business to judge them... so why, strong, why?????I am so upset over this and have done something I am not proud of because of the pain here...but I know what I have here and will fight for it too...I have no one in my real life that I can even talk like this too and that is worth me seeking my freedom here...

November 22, 2006
7:05 pm
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healintime
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Hi Ma,

Thank you for your post - it really means a lot to me.

It's more than just today though - my tendency (my stuff) has always been to be the "strong supportive one" and I wonder why it is that I haven't had the courage to start my own thread. You know? I went through an absolutely hellish time with my sister about six weeks ago and I wasn't doing so well - but I brought it up on someone else's thread (it was about family enmeshment).

If I'm falling back on old behaviors - like relying on supporting others when I'm in pain as a way of connecting rather than saying Och, help" then I need to regroup and figure out how to open up a little better. I think it's probably easier/more appealing to feel like I'm all better - and when I'm reading posts from an Army (God bless you Army, I hope you're well and safe), or someone who is in real, immediate distress, maybe that's a direct way of feeling like I'm over the hump.

All things to think about - but it is, really, my stuff. Some of the back and forth on here today was also really, frankly, toxic. The pain was clearly in the posts but it was also disruptive to and pressed a lot of my buttons. Because that kind of provocative pain - the lashing out kind - is all too familiar to me and I've managed to weed it out of my life.

Basically, I have some things to think about. I don't think I'll be gone for good but I might just take a breather.

Thank you for thinking about me - I really, really appreciate it more than you know. You are absolutely precious to this site and I'm yet to read a post from you that isn't sound, centred, and radiating wisdom. You're a very special lady.

Much love,

H.

November 22, 2006
8:57 pm
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healintime
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Just wanted to be clear by the way that when I say toxic back and forth I mean specifically the comments about suicide and the spin-off direction that a great thread took as a result of that. I didn't mean the discussion about whether/how the site has changed, or whether we play out our codependency issues on the threads (I know that perhaps I do, hence the breather). All of which I feel was healthy discussion and free exchange - despite some raw nerves being hit.

November 22, 2006
10:48 pm
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StronginHim77
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healin---

I understand. I will miss you and look forward to your return. You WILL be missed. I (very selfishly.) hope that your parting is VERY temporary.

HUGS.

Ma Strong

November 23, 2006
8:24 am
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taj64
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I have left time to time too and I came back. I am still here! A little fighting happens here and there, but it is still communicating and airing out feelings to me is OK. Disagreements are part of life. Sometimes just taking a little break will clear your head and you can come back as if nothing has happened.

November 23, 2006
10:45 am
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cyndra820
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Hi Ma Strong,

I haven't decided to stay or go. Maybe, like Healintime, I too need a break. There is so much going on. Maybe I'm too open about what's bothering me and this isn't the place to air it.

Thanks though for always lending a listening ear.

November 23, 2006
11:42 am
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ScaredinMichigan
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I am on the fence...leaning more one way...I just can't take what happened here yesterday. I am hurt, and I feel betrayed. I think that it is sad that anyone has the right to tell us how to or not to heal. It really breaks my heart that I learned to trust and love again, to only be hurt this way again. If I decide to go, my love for a lot of you will go with me, it will NOT end as I walk away.

Mich

November 23, 2006
12:00 pm
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StronginHim77
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(((((MICH))))))

Sincerely hope you stay. You have become such a dear and supportive part of our little AAC family. This will settle. I've been on these threads since April and it takes time, but the dust DOES settle after these little mini-storms. Ride it out. It WILL pass.

- Ma Strong

November 23, 2006
12:02 pm
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atalose
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Scared,
I hope you find it in yourself to stay around, you have so much to offer and so do so many others.

I have to remind myself always that there are alot of sick people out there in need of help. And we just can't get through to everyone to see things in a more positive light.

For me drama based people thrive on continuing at times bazaar thinking and behavior that I don't have to bring into my life. Some posts here lately have gone in that direction and I just step back because I know that no matter what advise or logic I can offer is not going to help them.

Years ago I was involved on another site and a certain person had come back. There were only a few who knew her and her situation and dreaded her return. The site became so toxic with posts from her and all the responses she was receving, it left no room for others. The moderator had her leave over and over again but she would join again using different names. All the good people left and it was sad, I would be dissapointed to see that happen again.

I hope all of you thinking of leaving, consider taking a little break as apposed to leaving all together.

I wish you all a happy holiday!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

November 23, 2006
12:25 pm
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red blonde
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Just want to say this: Even a healthy relationship is somewhat codependent! It is just a matter of whether the codependency BENEFITS all the parties involved. If it is one-sided, or determental, that is when it is UNHEALTHY. I am really sad that some people on the site feel that when people have formed friendships on this site that have benefited them...it is considered unhealthy, clicquish, and a determental codependency!

When I first visited the AAC, yes, I thought that I was an outsider, that I was alienated by not having posts answered, so I left the site for a little while. But, I came back on it shortly afterwards, started reading the posts. I then realized the "outsider", the "alienation" was coming from WITHIN me...not from any person or groups on this site. So I started to post and talk about my problems...one of which was my inability to TALK about them. I no longer feel that way. I have always been accepted and helped. And perhaps I WAS a little jealous of the "clicques" because I didn't feel like I could be a part of them. But, again, THAT WAS COMING FROM WITHIN ME, NOT FROM ANYONE OR ANY GROUP.

I think that NEWBIES should be told on a thread what to expect and to hang in there. They, like me when I was a NEWBIE, probably feel like they want their problems answered AND solved, IMMEDIATELY. They will have to learn that is just isn't going to happen overnight. Healing takes time!

Cyndra ~ can I join you once in a while on the Lib thread? I know I don't have to ask...all of you have never ignored me or anything like that. And I am sad about this. I think you have all been growing from helping eachother!

(((((((((Sisters))))))))))))

Red

November 23, 2006
12:40 pm
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cyndra820
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(((Red))) You are always welcome!!! I look forward to hearing from you.

Atalose~ Thanks for your words. You are right even healthy relationships have some codependence. I really appreciated what you write. I've often read your remarks and agreed with them. You seem to know what to say when words fail me.

Ma Strong~ I hope the dust does die down. You are such a strong woman, and I remember how you welcomed me here. Thank you for that.

Mich~ See you on the other side.

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