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He wrote me emails pretending to be another guy interested in me!!!
June 17, 2007
6:41 pm
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foreverhoping
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I met a guy online. He said he had got my details from a girl who knew me, and he was interested in getting to know me more. We exchanged a few emails back and forth etc. A few weeks later my ex confesses that he made this guy up and HE was really the one emailing me. He was pretending to be someone he is not. I have stopped talking to him completely for the past 3 days. I ignored his emails, texts, and phone calls and messages. I just don’t get how someone could pretend to be someone else. How do I move on with my life!! Now I don’t know what to think, or how to protect myself from this guy.

For the longer version of this story, you may read below:

I was recently involved with a guy and things were messy. We were still talking but the relationship was kind of over. He was emotionally abusive and told a lot of lies and did other things that affected me psychologically. He kept promising to change and I would keep going back. He even tried counseling twice, but I sometimes feel he got worse. Some of the time he was a really nice guy, but he was highly irresponsible and had problems dealing with people, and very abusive and critical of me. I guess in the end I was in love with the idea of being loved, and he promised to change.

Anyway to cut a long story short, I started talking over the internet with another guy, which was my mistake. Although on the surface things were over, but I guess subconsciously I hoped he would change. Maybe by still talking I sent mixed signals to him that we might get back together. I really don't know anymore. But still, I feel it was my mistake. Until the point that I stopped talking to one guy, I shouldn’t have been talking to someone else.

Anyway to get to the point, I got an email one day from a person saying they heard about me through a friend and they wanted to get to know me. I ask him who the girl was, but he told me he couldn’t say as the girl asked him not too. (and I just presumed the girl didn’t want to be involved if things went bad between us). Anyway so I started emailing this guy. I wasn’t really that interested but I thought “what if he is the one”, so I didn’t want to turn him away straight. We sent a few emails back and forth (maybe about 8 in total), although I was not that interested. This guy seemed like a bit of a jerk and sometimes took up to 3 weeks to reply. He asked to call or meet me but in the end I wasn’t that interested. He also claimed to be going overseas for study for up to a year. So I wrote him back and asked why would a guy want to meet a girl when he is about to go overseas, and I told him im not really interested.

A little while after that…….. My ex called me up and confronted me. He told me he was friends with the guy I had been emailing, and he had seen my emails. I felt so betrayed. I felt this guy I had been emailing had betrayed my trust. Although they were not secret, one of the emails was a bit personal…… ie I told him I didn’t really want to get involved with anyone as I was hurt in a previous relationship and still getting over it. I felt how could he show my emails to someone else. I broke down in tears. My ex was also so mad that I had been emailing someone else when there was still a chance I might get back with him. Anyway I confessed all. I wasn’t going to email this guy anymore, but I told my ex I would email him again to ask has he been telling other people about me and showing emails to them behind my back. My ex knew how broken I was over what this guy did. He even comforted me when I was crying. By the way, my ex confronted me about 4 days before I had a big interview. He could have waited as apparently he said he had known I was emailing someone for a few weeks.

Anyway to get to the point, the topic was dropped about this guy. Until a few days ago when he told me he knew I emailed the guy again. I told him I would and he was like “I told you not to”. I was so mad and said how would you even be friends with a person who does such things to me and talks about me behind my back.

That is when he confess…….. there was no other guy. My ex made up the profile and email address and it was HIM. HE was the one emailing me, pretending to be someone else. He even gave me the password to check the email account. I didn’t know what to say. He knew how upset I was the day I thought the guy was showing people my emails. I also was worried about my ex’s state of mind. How can someone pretend to be someone else? And not just once. We sent back and forth several emails. Over the time frame of about 2 months! Now I don’t know what to think, or how to protect myself from this guy. What if I try to meet people in future and he tries this again.

June 17, 2007
6:48 pm
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lovinglife
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WOW- RUN from your ex fast!! This is a case for Ma Strong...

your ex is one sick puppy and the longer you stay in contact with him the more he is going to mess with your mind. Thats scary what he did-

June 17, 2007
6:54 pm
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foreverhoping
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Up until now i have been strong and completly cut communications with my ex. I know i have to get away but i am afraid of 2 things. 1, what he might do in the future if i get into future relationships, and 2, what if he gets to me and sucks me back it. He is very charming and knows my weak points. Im afraid i will cave. I am trying my hardest not to though.

But i am also afraid for my future. He said if i get involved with anyone in future and have kids, he will take everyone that loves me away from me one by one until i am completly alone.

June 17, 2007
9:32 pm
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lovinglife
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He IS scary...I'd lay low for awhile. Thank god that you are away from him even if its not completely away...I understand about the charming thing as well as someone knowing my weak points and how I've caved or really gave him.

Does he live close to you? And are the two of you in daily contact?

June 17, 2007
9:45 pm
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thewall
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Forever,

Place any emails from him in a safety deposit box and let someone like your parents know about those emails tucked away. If he hurts you or anyone else that you care abuot, those emails will help seal his fate.
Please dont stop dating others just bc he made those threats. He wants to control you. If you stop dating, he has won. If you find a good guy to date, and the ex makes any threats or becomes destructive then get a restraining order right away and tell the cops immediately to make a case against him. If there are any phys bruises, take pictures and put them in the safety deposit box as well as telling a friend/family member and of course the police.

You might want to contact an atty for free advice now. Google: The bar association in your state (example : google "California bar association" or whereever you live) . They give free advice on certain days of the week.

good luck and stay safe.

June 17, 2007
9:46 pm
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lovinglife
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oh something to keep in mind if you feel like you may cave: You stated his was emotional abusive and critical of you while in the relationship, just think of how you would pay for "talking to another man" (him) if you two got back together- you'd pay for it dearly hon - keep that in mind...he already showed you "My ex was also so mad that I had been emailing someone else when there was still a chance I might get back with him."

And your ex WILL NOT ever change. There are certain things about ourselves we can change providing we don't have a long list like in needing to change into a completely different person. He has MAJOR character flaws and what I find totally creepy is how he continued to mess with your head while acting like someone else. He didn't feel bad for doing this??? Another to keep in mind is that when he was trying to 'be someone else'- his flaws STILL came through..you sensed it ( not even knowing it WAS HIM). This guy seemed like a bit of a jerk...

June 17, 2007
9:52 pm
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lovinglife
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I'm into this thread now!! He sounds a little bit like my Xh- not a stable man AT ALL.

Honestly for at least awhile I'd put dating on hold (would you even have sought someone out had this 'guy' not emailed you?) Reason being is that you need some time to shake off what you've just been through beyond the whole emailing thing. YOur head has been messed with and until you give yourself some time to heal-and learn about yourself as in why you put up with him as long as you did, more than likely you'll be taken again by another one of these malnipulators (I was).

June 17, 2007
9:54 pm
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lovinglife
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good idea about putting those emails in a safe deposit box. Also he has threatend you..."He said if i get involved with anyone in future and have kids, he will take everyone that loves me away from me one by one until i am completly alone."

He is a very abusive person. Don't cave - stay strong.

June 17, 2007
10:14 pm
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foreverhoping
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Firstly thanks heaps for your advice. I never thought about the points you raised lovinglife - i mean about how he would punish me if i went back to him. But you are possibly right. The unfortunate thing is i dont have ANY proof of what he has done. EVERYTHING abusive etc that he has ever done has always been in private. Only one of my friends ever saw how he manipulated a situation, but the rest he has done in private. And worst of all, somehow i was made to look like the bad one. I yelled at him this one time because he told me he had been tape recording our conversations. His sister overheard and told people. People have also seen me walk off from him when he is talking, but what they dont realise is the tyrant of abuse being shoved in my face. Or like when we go to parties he would be super super extra nice to him, and i would be distant to him...... but what they wouldnt see are things like him shutting me in a room telling me im crazy, or other abuse. I guess its no excuse for me yelling or being angry. I just didnt know what to do. I have since grown from this and behave a lot better. I realise now that i have my faults, but he needs help. I tried for a time to be what i thought was super caring and absolutely perfect etc.... but he still found fault.

He does feel guilty afterwards for the things he does...... sometimes he has extreme guilt, but i dont know. Its like as soon as i forgive him and be nice to him he always hurts me. Sometimes it seems like a game, where he is super nice until he "wins me back", and then the very moment i am nice to him, the abuse starts up. But by that stage my heart has softened and i have gotten back to him.

I did seek professional advice after he threatened me, yet he said he doesnt care if he goes to prison.

He has had many problems with other people, my family, his jobs. He says he is not to blame and that it is them..... but i think that it is a lot them too. I have a high tollerance to his rubbish, but most people wouldnt and i think he pushes it too far.

ALL i want is to move on with my life and have him not hurt me.

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