Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
He wrote me back...(Plz)
May 20, 2006
8:32 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I need your help! As many of you as possible who have an opinion to help me handle this. My original thread is titled "Should I hold him responsible", so if you need some background, you can read it there.

Here is how he responded, "A lot has happened since the last time we talked. I am not going to bore you with the details. I just moved back to Florida on Thursday. Things seem to be looking up. I need some time. I haven't forgotten about our agreement."

So, I'm actually surprised it is so civil and I actually braced myself before I opened it. I would like to think it had everything to do with **my** delivery of the original email. If I had berated him and told him all the nasty things I was feeling before, I don't think I would have gotten a decent response.

So, do I acknowledge it? Do I let it go and wait a few months and remind him again if I need to? If I respond, what in the world should I say??? Please help!!! Some of you are sooooooooooo much better with words than I am!

Thanks in advance! Love, Plz~

May 20, 2006
8:35 pm
Avatar
IrishGirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Okay, I need to read your original thread, but are you in Florida too?

May 20, 2006
8:40 pm
Avatar
IrishGirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh Honey,

I just read your post. This guy is a TOTAL loser. He is only getting in contact so you don't take legal action to get your money back. Plz, you deserve so much better. Yes, you can feel bad for him because he's PATHETIC!!! What 40 year old can't get it together?

Do you have children? If so, is this the example of "manhood" you wan't them to grow up with? If not, is this the person you want to tell you that he can't pay the hospital bills when you're first born is delivered?

Hang tough!!

May 20, 2006
9:26 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Irish! You are right, he is doing what he always does and putting me off. No, I live in Louisiana, and he took off to Florida in the car that I just bought him. I wonder if I had put the title in my name, if he would have at least had the common courtesy to let me know he was taking my vehicle out of state? When he made his "proposition" to me about helping him buy this vehicle, he first proposed that I would own it outright...the title would be in my name, and when he finished paying it off, then he wanted to give it to my youngest son (now 13) as his first car. How sweet, huh? Puke!!! I told him I would rather loan him the money outright and let him be responsible for paying me back. He is an alcoholic and I didn't want ANYTHING in my name that HE was driving! I have too much to lose if he did something stupid and somebody tried to sue me (the owner of the car).

So, I paid for the vehicle, and he promised to begin making payments to me. But we broke up, and he hasn't attempted to contact me (or I him) in 3 months. I found out recently he was moving back to Florida (he doesn't know I knew already), and it pissed me off that he would just literally "take the money and run." Of course in this case, it's a car! lol I didn't think I should let him slither away so easily, the snake that he is!

I think is civil response may be just to put me off, so I won't come down on him? How should I respond?

May 20, 2006
9:41 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

plz, i wouldn't acknowledge it at all. to ackknowledge it would be to fall into his trap, one more time, so leave it alone, and go about your life. if he pays you back, awesome!! but if he doesn't, which it sounds like you don't believe he will, you will not have wasted anymore time or your life worrying about it.

hopefully his statement is one of truth...allow him to reap his own consequences of paying or not paying it back.

get on with your life woman!! 🙂

hugs to you...you can do this...remember your Source...you will be ok...and move on.

May 20, 2006
9:46 pm
Avatar
IrishGirl
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Do you have an attorney? If so, find out his address and have your attorney contact him. Or if you can't stand it, get in contact (I know that's a no-no) but get in contact and tell him if you don't see some kind of re-payment within a certain amount of time, he will be hearing from an attorney!!

What a Skeezer!!! You can move on, but it sounds like this guy owes you a ton of money. If you don't need the money back, then forget him. Chalk it up to an expensive learning experience!

May 20, 2006
10:07 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

OMW, thanks for your wisdom. I KNOW you are right about letting him reap his own consequences. I was really struggling with this Thursday. I barely got out of bed and I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest. I did what I KNEW to do, which is fall flat on my face before God, and beg him to forgive me for MY part in the whole mess and then take away my feelings of wanting revenge. I struggled ALL day and into the night, but I knew that He was listening. When I awoke Friday morning, I was at complete peace. I haven't felt that way in months. I know where it came from:)

You see, the thing I was having a hard time letting go of had to do with ME. I have always been generous to a fault. I have "helped" people many, many times, and in MOST cases, it usually ended up biting me in the butt. I trust BIG, and I hurt BIG too! God knows this about me. Yet, for some reason, **I** keep putting myself in these situations, whether it be with someone I care about, or a co-worker, or a friend. And I'm usually disappointed. For instance, a few years ago, I got a call from a girlfriend of mine who was in a financial bind, and asked me to borrow $600. In my own mind, I didn't want to do it, yet I felt "bad" because I DID have the money and she knew I had it to spare. So saying no sounded cruel. She told me thank you, and that she promised to pay me back as soon as she got her income tax refund. I have never gotten a dime, nor has she ever mentioned it again. I see her all the time. For a long time, I let it grate on me, and it affected our relationship. But then I decided to let it go. But I always feel like she took advantage of my goodness, and then must have "justified" it in her mind that she had it worse financially than I did, so it was ok.

So these kinds of things have happened to me all my life. My family has been very blessed, and I am better off than most of the people I hang out with, yet that should NOT be a reason to take advantage of me! And so I get hurt, then I just stuff it. And I get hurt again by another, and I just stuff it. And this time, I had had enough, and I don't want him to think he can just meander off and forget about his promise to me. So what that I can pay my bills and he can't? That's NOT my problem. So I guess what I'm trying to say is at some point I have to stand up for myself and quit letting people do this to me. Or make a rule to NEVER help somebody out ever again. I doubt I'll stick to that though. It's just not me to not give out of my abundance.

So, that's my dilemma. I will continue to pray about it, and see what unfolds. But, at least for today, I have some peace about my life and my future, and the fact that no matter what other's intentions are toward me, that I TRY to do the right thing.

Thanks for responding. I respect your opinion so much!

Love, Plz~

May 20, 2006
10:33 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi plz...
"generous to a fault"...is there such a thing? sometimes i wonder as well. my heart tells me no. n fact it is written that those who have more are to help others, can't remember where, but in the NT.

i also think though that part of loving someone as we are commanded to do, is to know when to help someone with money and when not too. i have seen in myown experiences that it becomes enabling when someone knows they are taking advantage, and in the end, both are hurt to one degree or another.

so perhaps pray for discernment in your giving...i do not see anything wrong with your generous heart, you seem to love life and love people and want to help people. no harm in that.

you know the verse: "Do not cast your pearls before swine" ? there is something to be said for this verse in regard to your situation.

and, for me when i find myself in a situation over and over....it's that darn mountain again. guppy and i had a hilarious conversation in Libs "going around the mountain", about it all...i learn very slow, as i will look at the pain that hs been caused me over and over, and whine, and wonder why. i finally just figured out it was God saying, "HEY, I'm here for you...not your feelings, not your hurt, not that person that hurt you, not your family...but ME."

so the light bulb went on and i started to ask when circumstances are uncomfortable, "Ok God, what's good about this?"...because you, know Plz, there is ALWAYS, something good about it!! He'll tell you.

just some thoughts dear sister. will keep it close in prayer.

May 20, 2006
10:39 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I really hate the fact that people have taken advantage of such a kind soul, as yourself. It sickens me, it really does. BUT... let's figure this out. My opinion is that you should respond to him, but you need to think ahead - in fact you need to be about ten steps ahead of this guy. At this point, I think you have to have a PLAN, rather than reacting to what is in front of you at the moment. Since you know him, you have to formulate a response that will set his wheels in motion. Your replies always need to include a date of accountability. For example: "Thank you for the quick response. I understand that this is a large sum of money, but I'm sure you can understand the importance of repaying a debt or holding true to your word. I'm hoping that you can get on your feet soon, so we can put this behind us. I will contact you again at the end of the month, so we can discuss terms. Until then, good luck."

This way you're giving him a couple of weeks, AND keeping the issue alive. You're not demeaning him, you're just doing business. Save all of your emails, because that last one showed intent to pay... which will be invaluable in court if it ever comes to that. Rock on sister.

May 20, 2006
10:44 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ohhhhhhhhh, good response Shaney. I may use it word for word. I am going to pray about it as well. I want to do the right thing here. Do you think it would be mean of me to wait and respond on Tuesday, his birthday? And not mention the bday? See, that revenge thing keeps creeping up! *ha*

But I do love the wording of that response! Thanks for helping me!

OMW, discernment. Ahhhhhhh, love that word! I definitely need more of it! Thanks for the gentle reminder. And thanks for seeing my "heart". All of you! It means so much to be recognized and validated that way. Even if it is in cyberspace:)

May 20, 2006
10:49 pm
Avatar
on my way
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Plz,
Anger is good! revenge, not your problem!

Shaney,
great words!

May 20, 2006
10:52 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think that you should respond when you feel that it is right for YOU - not when it will have an emotional or mental impact on HIM. If you do reply on his birthday (which may be a great idea now that I'm thinking about it), you can wish him a happy birthday. You know him best. Which reply would get the most out of him? Replying to him on his bday and NOT wishing him a happy birthday, or making him still feel a little warm an fuzzy (and obligated) by wishing him good will on his bday? You don't want to make an enemy out of him, at the same time that you don't want him to feel that he can take advantage of you. You know? It may serve you to be friendly without being a pushover. Killer bees are drawn to honey, not lemons. You're going to get that money if it kills me. Either that, or we'll have fun trying.

May 20, 2006
11:07 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shaney, you crack me up! I can just see the wheels turning in your head:)

Ever think about taking your "skills" and forming a private investigator business? *ha* I seriously saw a show the other night, may have been on Dateline or something like that, about this all-female detective agency in Atlanta called Busted! I thought, Wow! I think that might be fun! You and Lolli and I could dress up like Charlie's Angels and go for the jugular!!! Woo-hoo!!! I'm ready now!

May 20, 2006
11:14 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm READY too. Don't kid yourself, sister, I can find a yellow needle in a haystack under 30 seconds, when I have the will.

I'm pissed right now. Do you want to hear what happened tonight? I don't want to hyjack your thread, so give me the word and I'll go away :o)

May 20, 2006
11:18 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

plz,

I like OMW's suggestion to ignore his email and forgive. I like the forgiving part. If you can afford to lose that $7,000, then the money isn't worth losing any sleep over. You also can't force him, persuade him, or successfully threaten him into being responsible, and I can tell that's been a terrible strain on you.

But I suggest emailing him a very short email something like this:

"I will expect for you to let me know by June 1 when you will start making monthly payments, and how much they will be. If you don't, I'll be forced to pursue further action."

Any if/when he doesn't, you can tell him the "further action" is that you've decided to forget the whole matter and will let him reap the consequences of his own behavior without your help.

Ah, maybe it would be best just to forget the whole matter entirely, and put it all into God's hands. I'll pray for you. You certainly deserve a lot of blessings, and if I can help you get any, I will.

Seeker

May 20, 2006
11:20 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shaney, you better believe I want to know why you're pissed! (How many glasses of red wine have you had?) j/kidding!!!

What's up girl?

May 20, 2006
11:26 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

((((((Seekipoo)))))) I knew you were my cyber love for a reason! You rock!!!

Thanks for caring and giving me your thoughts on this mess. I like what you said about telling him (after giving him ample time to man-up and do the right thing) that I am putting it behind me and leaving the consequences of his actions (or inactions in this case) to the big guy upstairs! That kind of action would do ME good, and I could walk away feeling good about myself because I didn't let him just walk away without me saying anything! Does that make sense?

Anyway, thanks you...you are such a sweetheart, and some lucky girl out there is gonna get a great guy when the time is right!

Love, Plz~

May 20, 2006
11:33 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

2... but that's besides the point :o). I think you should have one with me.

It's the old Class Reunion scenario. My fiance got an invite to an informal eighth grade reunion at a local hangout, and was SO excited about it, which was cool. It was today. I already had plans to go meet my friend's new fiance for the first time, about an hour from here, but my bf BEGGED me to hurry up so I could come and meet him. I called when I was on my way home and he gave me the lamest, long winded reason why I probably wouldn't have a good time, and that I could come "if I wanted to." Hmmm. He went on to say that I probably wouldn't know anyone, and be bored, and that some of his other friends were showing up later in the night and maybe I would want to come then. Yeah, right. I only need the slightest hint of an UNinvitation, to make me not want to come at all. Am I being a freak, or is my frustration justified? I thought it was rude to emphatically invite me, then uninvite me, only to tentatively invite me. BTW, he's called about 3 times already to probably give me the "go-ahead" to show up "if I want to." I haven't answered though. I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

May 20, 2006
11:41 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

MEN!!! GEESH!!! I hate it when they do that! So my FIRST instinct would be to wonder WHY he didn't want me to come until later, since he was so excited about it before! You know him, so that might not be a big deal, but my radar goes off when somebody tries so hard to act like they are doing me a favor. What's up with that?

So will he keep calling you and then be mad when he gets home that you didn't answer? I think you deserve to not answer the phone, since you feel like he was kind of jerking you around. Of course, he won't see it that way, but you have a right to feel the way you do. He didn't handle that very well at all. Just my opinion.

May 20, 2006
11:48 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't think he handled it very well either. He's called my cell and our home phone about 10 times already leaving messages for me to show up, now that the other crowd is there. He said that "spouses" that had showed up were bored, and he thought it would be better if I showed up when the other crowd was there. I really don't think anything was really up, but I just don't like the way be brushed me off. Especially since, if I would have showed up when originally planned, it would have only been about an hour and a half until the other crowd showed up. Whatever. I was all revved up to go earlier, now I'm settled in (and irritated). No worries. Thanks for letting me vent.

May 20, 2006
11:55 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yea, I see what you mean. He probably doesn't have a clue that you feel brushed off. After all, he IS a man:) Have you decided to stay put? Maybe you should answer and just say that you don't really feel like coming now that you've settled in at home. That you WERE coming earlier, but he changed the game plan.

Do you think this is gonna cause a fight?

May 21, 2006
12:02 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

No matter what I do, he'll be able to tell by the look on my face or the tone of my voice that I'm not happy. And because he doesn't like to feel bad or guilty (even though he caused it) it will probably turn into a bit of a fight. Not a big one, but a fight nonetheless. I'm going to hunker down now, and relax so I'll check on you tomorrow. Thanks for talking - you're a gem. :o)

May 21, 2006
12:06 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Goodnight, sweetie! Glad I was here, and I hope that this will all be ok. I'm glad you vented it out. Maybe that will help with some of the irritation you are feeling. If not, drink another glass of wine:) That ought to knock you right out! lol

Love ya...take care!

Plz~ (Tara)

May 21, 2006
12:49 am
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

(((((plz))))),

Hi, my cyber sweetie! I'm glad you like my suggestion. What you said makes perfect sense. I suspected you needed the opportunity to express to him that you are letting this matter go.

What a big heart you have, my dear. You are truly a daughter of God.

You said: { some lucky girl out there is gonna get a great guy when the time is right!}

Which "great guy" were you refering to? Your sentence left the antecedent unclear. :o) (I know who you meant, I'm just fishing for more compliments. No reply is needed!!}

And you will make somebody a very lucky man when you re-marry. Until then, I'm your cyber Seekiepoo.

May 21, 2006
1:54 am
Avatar
lollipop3
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Plz,

I agree 100% with Shaney's suggestion about the response to his e-mail. As a matter of fact, she took the words right out of my mouth.

I think it is very important to let him know in a very business like way that you are not backing down from this. I think she worded it perfectly. If he doesn't think you mean it, you can guarentee you will never see a dime. However, if he does believe you are serious, it may be enough for him to start paying to avoid having to go to court.

I will add my own advice here and say that I wouldn't threaten court just yet....don't give him reason to stop incriminating himself in those e-mails.

Good luck,

Lolli

p.s. I like the idea of me, you and Shaney opening up a can of whoopass on this guy. Don't let my size fool ya....I'm small...but I'm wirey.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110929
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38539
Posts: 714214
Newest Members:
stanley, LarteyWellnessGroup, dr ado spell caster, Leslie Ann Satin, overmyhead201, delight1080
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer