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He told me he is not in love with me anymore! I am devestated. Felling lost
March 29, 2007
8:14 am
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Anonymous
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He told me he doesn't love me anymore. I am completley and totally devestated.

March 29, 2007
8:21 am
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Isis
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Sorry to hear that sweetie (((FL)))

Think of this as the one and only- the best reason in the world to finally pack up and move on.

Isn't this what you've been waiting for? There should be no holding back now- it's time!

Love to you,

Isis

March 29, 2007
8:26 am
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soprano2
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(((feelinglost)))

What very harsh words. I am so sorry. We are here for you when you are ready to talk.

s2

March 29, 2007
8:29 am
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Everyone was right I was hoping he would want to work things out. He said he loves me and would do anything for me but he doesn't know if he is in love with me anymore. He said he feels like he rushed in to things with us and he doesn't ever want to go through another divorce again. I am so hurt, I moved in to his house, rented my house out, we talked about getting married, we bought puppies and now he feels like we rushed things. I am so sick, I can't even think straight.

I don't understand why god would let me go through this again. I don't know what I did to deserve this. The pain is unbearable.

March 29, 2007
8:29 am
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I don't think I am strong enough to go through this again.

March 29, 2007
8:30 am
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He also said he doesn't want to have to answer to anyone anymore about where he is going or what he is doing all of the time. I am sorry I am just a mess.

March 29, 2007
8:37 am
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He said that he loves me but he is not in love with me. I keep thinking if I would have gotten over my jealousy things would be ok. I just don't understand. I took a huge leap of faith moving back in with him and renting my house out. Now look where I am totally heart broken again.

March 29, 2007
8:43 am
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hopeful for change
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I don't know what the history of your relationship is, but I am sorry you are going through this.

Hang in there!!

March 29, 2007
8:43 am
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He just sent me this email...

I am just in panic mode. I don’t want to end up like I did b4 & I think living with you is just rushing things. I will cover what ever you need since this is my fault

March 29, 2007
8:47 am
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Isis, Hopeful for change and S2. Thank you, I just feel like I am losing my best friend and all of my dreams.

March 29, 2007
8:50 am
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Now I just got this email.

we can still see each other, just am not ready for this living together thing. I feel like I need to answer to someone all the time. Just can’t do it!

March 29, 2007
8:55 am
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feelinglost,

I'm sorry you are going through this pain... I'm also sorry that you didn't see it coming. It's so hard to see things straight when we are in the middle of it!

I know that you love him, but I would suggest that you do NOT continue to see him. He is basically telling you that he wants to play the field WHILE keeping you on the line as well! He wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. Please rise above this, fl.

You do NOT deserve this! You are a good person. God is not punishing you. He is giving you a new opportunity... to find someone that will love you completely. This man can not.

I'm sorry for your pain.
(((((((((((feelinglost)))))))))))))))

TC

March 29, 2007
9:04 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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feelinglost...I apologize for not remembering all the details.

I understand your pain and hurt...you sacrificed alot to be with him.

Here's the question - has this been an ongoing issue with you? Meaning, has he talked about feeling pressured to answer to you...and do you find that you are questioning him all the time about where he is.

I am not saying you are doing anything wrong...just wondering if this was out of the blue or something you have discussed.

Sometimes people THINK they are ready for the next step forward, then realize the responsibility and realize they screwed up.

Because he is so quick to dismiss you and all you worked for...I would say do NOT keep dating him.

Cuz if he loved you, he would come to you and say "honey, I feel a little smothered (or something) and I want to work this out...." and try to talk thru what bothers him and any possible solutions.

Instead, he has decided what the solution is, without involving you.

All I can say is that I am sorry it has happened.

Can you sit down and talk with him and find out a compromise or a middle ground? See what his REAL problem is and if there is any way to deal with it.

In the end, if you do have to move out....it's good that you didn't marry him. Cuz as you said, divorce sucks.

March 29, 2007
9:11 am
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TC, I guess I was putting my rose colored glasses on. I thought if I did enough or loved enough he would want me. I feel so rejected. He was the one person that I have ever really let in and now I wish I wouldn't have. I guess I only have myself to blame.

I do love him but i can't go back to being someone that sees him here and there and have sex with him.

Thanks for thinking I am a good person. I just don't understand why all of this happened. I was doing ok without him and he convinced me to come back to him in November and it got me no where. Actaully further behind then before. At least before I had my house and now I don't even have that.

((((tc))))

March 29, 2007
9:22 am
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Rising from the ashes,

We have been back and forth for years. We lived together once before and he started picking fights and I eventually moved out.

When our problems first began about a month ago he said it was because I am jealous and embarrass him when we go out. I felt really guilt about being a jealous bitch and tried hard to work on it.

I don't question him to a pain but do it trying to see what time to start dinner, ect. Last Saturday night he did not come home at all!

He won't open up and he won't talk. He said he has tried but he just doesn't know how he feels. He said he is overwhelmed with work and school and I add to his stress. I have tried to be very loving and supporting and make him laugh.

Maybe his real problem is that he doesn't love me. I almost wonder if there is someone else.

March 29, 2007
9:31 am
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atalose
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I'm sorry it worked out like this for you.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 29, 2007
9:33 am
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atalose, Thanks I am just really really heart broken

March 29, 2007
9:34 am
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risingfromtheashes
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well, jealous and clingy will push a guy away.

but, on the flip side, it is NOT unreasonable to want to know when he will be home to plan for dinner.

my dad dragged his heels about "reporting in"...so my mom finally gave up.

instead of trying to control him...she did what SHE had to do...she stopped making meals to suit HIS schedule.

she cooked when she felt like it, and cooked what she felt like...and if he was home, great and if not...oh well.

when dinner was over, she'd pack it away in the fridge.

when he came in....if he wanted food, he'd have to prepare something or fix himself a plate of leftovers.

she did NOTHING to accomodate him.

and there was a GOOD many nights that he'd come in, "what's for dinner" and mom would say she didn't cook anything....cuz she had a can of soup or some cereal or something. And he'd rant and rave...and she would gently remind him that he wasn't here, so she didn't cook.

I didn't like the arrangement...cuz it pissed me off that he couldn't be held accountable.

BUT - it kept her from holding dinner up for him...and working around his schedule...and put HER needs first.

I don't know if there is a deeper problem with your BF....but if he won't talk...there isn't much you can do.

My BF is having similar growing pains....and I am just giving him space and trying not to smother him....which I tend to do. And realize that we all need our personal space.

So, now, our agreement is - he tells me if he will or won't be home for dinner....and then I work around it accordingly.

But, if he's not there when it's ready, I don't wait....I eat and leave him to make a plate and reheat it.

I am rambling, but hope something helps here.

March 29, 2007
9:38 am
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mj
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OH, Feelinglost, that pain is so intense....I know. It hurts like hell. ((((Feelinglost)))))

Dreams crashing, change, lost dreams, physical pain, and your heart hurting.

I know this well. There is hope. You will get through this. I am so sorry that you are hurting.

March 29, 2007
9:43 am
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risingfromtheashes, makes sense you are not rambaling at all.

Your Mom was a lot stronger then me because I don' think I could handle that.

I just want him to do what he says he will. Because if I would come not come home and not call he would freak out but it is ok for him to do.

He hardly spends anytime with me so I like to try and make plans so we have time to see each other.

I am lonley, I just want to be loved and cared about.

I am jealous because he cheated and that is why i act that way. I used to be so confident and strong. Now I feel insecure and needy.

March 29, 2007
9:51 am
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MJ, Every part of my body hurts, my heart feels like its been shattered into ten million little pieces. I don't even know how to pick up or even find the pieces. I don't want to love anybody if this is how it feels when things don't work.

Four years down the drain. I don't even know where to begin.

March 29, 2007
9:56 am
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mj
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(((FL)))

Just pour it out and know that grieving loss happens in stages. Be Gentle with yourself and do nice things for yourself today. Take a bubble bath or a leisure walk. Do something special for you that says how special you are to yourself. Call a friend. Journal. Just know that you are not alone. You are your own best friend and always will be. Love to YOU You will get through this. You can practice loving yourself and knowing that you are worthy of healthy love. It will get better.

March 29, 2007
10:12 am
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I just wish I could talk all of you on the phone sometimes!!! I love all of you. MJ I am going to try and do something nice, what I really want right now is a big hug!

March 29, 2007
10:17 am
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atalose
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(((((feelinglost)))))

One big hug coming your way!!!!!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

March 29, 2007
10:38 am
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((((((((((((((feelinglost))))))))))))

I know that you feel like it was 4 years down the drain, but look at it as a learning experience. You are 4 years older and wiser. You have learned a great deal from this relationship. You will be a better partner in the future because of what you went through with him.

I do not believe for one second that there was ANYTHING that you could have done differently to change this outcome. You could have been the Patron Saint of Love with the looks of Miss Universe and the brains of Albert Einstein. It wouldn't have mattered!!! This is not about you!!! It is about his inability to commit to anyone. Not just you. Anyone!!! Please don't take it personally!

You are so young! You have so many great years ahead of you! Believe that!!! Women hit their prime in their 30's and 40's so look at all the great stuff you've got to look forward to!!!!!!

Try to stay as positive as possible. I know it's hard, but it's the only way you'll make it through this!!!!!!!

Here's another hug for you...
((((((((((((((((((((feelinglost))))))))))))))))))

TC

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