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He started yelling & cussing at me & I hung up. Very long
January 26, 2006
8:06 pm
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Lostrose
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Short version of what's been going on: broke up thanksgiving day, he was a drug addict has been clean since the break up day, he is staying with his parents around 6 hours away, lately he has called me once a week to see how I'm doing, he tells me to take care, he stopped saying I love you right before christmas, when I text him asking an impersonal question he responds (in the past he never would respond on anything), I had a major crisis & texted him what was going on & he called and helped me figure out what to do, past week an a half we've been laughing, joking, and teasing each other over the phone or by text. He feels we need to try friendship first.

Now to today. I texted him this morning about losing something in a town next to him & maybe I will have to go pick it up this weekend. So we started texting back and forth joking around. He said, "That's too bad cause I was coming up this weekend. I asked how long he was going to be here & did he have a place to stay. His text was "Thought you weren't going to be around". Well, I explained to him that it was him I lost & wanted to see.

After a few more texts he sent this, "Even if you did come this way I wouldn't be able to see u anyways." I asked him why and his response was, "I couldn't lie to my parents, and they wouldn't allow me to do that" This man is 29 years old....

I texted back, "Ok I understand. Are you coming up with them this weekend? I don't know what else to say except things are finally making sense to me." What made since to me was his parents are controlling him & his actions so I figured he couldn't see me if I went down there that he must be with them & that's why he can't see me this weekend.

Then he texted, "Do you talk to my family behind my back & against what I told you not to do?"

I texted back, No & why do you ask.

Then he called me....He wanted to know what was going on & I asked what do you mean. He said why do you feel I will be with my parents? I started to explain and I hesitated for a BRIEF second. Anyway I explained he started getting upset & paranoid and felt I was going to go to his town for a reason other than what I said, & that I wouldn't have said about going there just out of the blue cause I manipulate. I tried to explain and he was cussing & yelling. I HUNG UP ON HIM.

He called right back & I answered and said before he could speak...I'm not going to fight and argue with you and i don't have to put up with it & I will hang up again. Low and behold he started in telling me that I went behind his back & called one of his family members before & that I checked out his phone. "I did do that when he was on drugs & being taken to the hospital by the police & I was concerened & I told him I was calling them. Anyway I hung up again.

He called back & then accused me of being the reason why he was put in the hospital & strapped to the bed & that I told the police I was scared of him & he has a copy of the police report & to not lie to him. First I never said I was scared of him I never had a reason too. I said, "I didn't force the drugs down," & then he started cussing again & I hung up.

He called back & I answered and he said what's wrong don't you want to talk, sarcastacly & I said not when your acting this way. He started in again & I hung up again & then shut my phone off for awhile.

I texted him this a little later, "Not once did I say I was scared of you. You can believe what you want cause no matter what I tell you, you won't believe me anyhow. I'm not going to argue and fight with you anymore."

He texted, "Not unless your in control or it's what you want to fight about!"

My response, "LOL. You are funny. I've changed and am in control of ME. It's not worth my breath to argue and fight anymore. I'm walking away. Call me when your ready to get your car and please bring my house and car keys and suitcases back with you. I wish you the best and take care of yourself."

His response, " Go ahead and run from talking. Hell it's what we are both good at!".

My last response was, "I'm not running I'm walking. I'm tired of arguing and fighting and I refuse to do it anymore. LIfe is too short to live that way. Seen my parents do it and that was the only way I knew how, until now! If you want to talk civil that's fine. If you want to start accusing me of doing something I didn't or if you want to yell or be angry, take it out on someone else cause I won't listen when you act that way.

In a way I'm glad this happened cause I seen who he really is. And he is either having flashbacks or on drugs again. I'm expecting the latter cause of the way he was talking to me. Because of this my eyes are opened wide & I stuck up for myself & wasn't going to take his verbal abuse. It hurts like hell, but now I can walk away.

Thanks for listening, I had to get this off my chest.

January 26, 2006
9:53 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Lostrose:

GOOD FOR YOU!!!

Way to go honey. Now you walk and don't look back. He's gonna try to suck you back in and play games w/ you. Stand strong and hold your head high. The air is a whole lot fresher up here w/ us sane (somewhat anyway) folks. 🙂

January 27, 2006
11:13 am
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Lostrose
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Thanks mamacinnamon.

I texted him this last night: "I'm not responsible for your actions, choices, anger. 12 steps taught me: Admitted i'm powerless over others, my life had become unamageable. Made a decision to turn my life over to God. To be willing to make amends and forgiveness. I'm at peace. Friendship is trust. Trust comes within and i'm powerless over you. Until you get treatment (for his drug addiction)I can't be your friend. Once your in treatment you'll understand. At that time if you chose to be freinds give me a call and I'll be there for you."

January 27, 2006
11:33 am
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mamacinnamon
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Good response Lostrose. Now check out the no contact thread here. It will be beneficial. He'll probably start Mr. Nice after this message or maybe not but will push the fence to see if you will cave. DON"T.

You don't have to put up w/ his craziness. Take this time to work on you. Have you ever read the book "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie? Great place to start.

Be strong and stand your ground. No waivering. 🙂

January 27, 2006
11:47 am
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Lostrose
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Yes I've read Codependent No More. That helped me the last few months to work on changing myself.

He texted this to me late last night, "Your right, thanks!Now I can focus on my recovery! i'll let ya know when I'll come get my stuff, bye bye."

I don't know what to think about it & I really don't care. However, I did text him back letting him know he has till the end of February to get his broke down car & other stuff out of my garage.

January 27, 2006
11:51 am
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mamacinnamon
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lol. Good for you.

I'm a bit surprised at his response too. But, we can always hope he means what he is saying. Wonderful.

January 27, 2006
11:59 am
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Lostrose
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I really do hope he gets help & stays clean. However, he is not going to affect me anymore cause I'm hurting too much & I don't care. I've let go & am still in peace with myself.

Thanks for your support.

January 27, 2006
9:32 pm
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shelbeegirl
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Lostrose, Congradulations on setting boundries with this guy! I am sure he really cares a lot about you. He just has way too much mental health stuff going on for you to bother with right now. He needs to do his homework like you are doing. I am very proud of you. Try to stay on the right track. I promise you will eventually feel better about it.

January 27, 2006
10:47 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Yes, Lostrose, as Shelbeegirl says... I am sure he really cares alot about you. He just has way too much mental health stuff goin on for you to bother w/ right now. My hubby loves me and I have no doubt about that; but when he starts into the drugs again it is just unbearable. It's not him personally, please do remember that. But, even tho it is not his raltional loving head you are dealing w/.... he made this choice. Let him suffer his consequences w/o you picking up the ball or giving away your peace. Say "I love you and I'm here IF and when you go thru rehab, but until then don't call me again". And then be done. NO CONTACT. Do check out that thread if you have not.

Lostrose... YOU will be just fine. Now it is up to him, and him alone, to decide and work toward his bein ok. I truly hope he does.

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