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HE HS TOTAL CONTROL IM SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!
November 22, 2000
5:23 am
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opium poppies
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September 30, 2010
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i have been married for 21 years almost and my husband hurt me for 2o of them he no longer hits me but has always verbaly abused me. he is very controlling with where i go who i associate with and the list goes on you know after 20 yrs. where do you start? about 1yr. ago to make a story short i had it, went over the edge picked up a shogun to end it he would not leave me alone i could not get it cocked told him to leave or i would shot him he walked away thank god i stoped looking in the mirror i seen myself and said to myself what the fuck you doing so i put the gun down and for the first time in 20 yrs. i dieled 911 2 cops came to house he was outside w/ one i in the house with the other next thing i know cop outside comes in puts handcuffs on me i go to jail for aggevated assult w/ deadly weapon. chicken shit told cop i was pointing gun at him to keep himself outa jail besides hitting me slamming me down to scumm takeing my family and friends away becouse there lowlives or he just aint going to benifit from them the jail think i cant get or let go of ive left himm but always come back and in hope things will change but deep down i know better when i leave him im lost becouse whos going to tell me what to do i dont go no where becouse im afraid to make him mad oh shit gotta go hes up be back later sorry.

November 22, 2000
1:34 pm
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opium poppies
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November 22, 2000
6:56 pm
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Molly
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Could opium poppies be a part of the problem? There are several theads here where you can read of domestic stuff, and just like any addiction and insecurity, or fear, when you are sick and tired,of feeling sick and tired, you will take some action. You will leave, you will not care about pride, or things, or history, you will decide to live, and live with out fear or regret. This should have shown you something, you know what the problems are, and you know what you should or should not do, thus your label of this thread. Quit with the blame, quit with the game, live with your choice or make a new one. There are financial hard ships, familial and social difficulties, but lady you picked up the gun. You have other options that are not as harsh, make a plan to make a life, it will not be easy, you will need emotional support, financial support, but get on with things, and take back your power, and regain controll.

November 28, 2000
9:02 pm
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eh
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September 27, 2010
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You are not stupid you just spent too long letting someone else convince you that they had the answers you needed. Your self esteem was probably low when you met this control freak. He preyed on your vulnerability until he knew he had you hooked then used you like a tool to satisfy his own insecurities. One of the things you must remember about controllers is that they have a deep insecurity which drives them to treat other people in a degrading way to make them feel better. Think on this also, the man you live with; your abuser (note, I don't refer to him as your partner because a partner would treat you with respect, you must remember to give people their correct titles according to how they behave towards you otherwise you will continue to be confused about your relationship with them and therefore how you should behave with them and they with you and your expectations of them)is not the man you think you met and married. He disguised himself as somone else, someone you thought was ok to be with, he needed to do this to get you to live with him to satisfy his needs. I mean, come on, is he going to say, "hi, would you like to shack up with someone who is going to tell you pretty lies for a few months until you are smitten then turn into a contolling selfish abusive monster for the next 20 yrs" No, I don't think so either. Once hooked, you stayed because you wanted to beleive that he would revert back to the charmer you met, but it hasn't yet occured to you that the charmer never existed, he was a sham, a disguise.
But guess what, you don't have to live with this imposter now that you have blown his cover. Ok so it has taken you 20 yrs, that makes you one helluva strong woman to tollerate his behaviour all this time. You have survival tactics you can make better use of. Contact your local refuge, ask them what's available in your local area eg counselling or support groups for survivors of domestic. Domestic violence isn't just about physical violenec it encompasses all kinds of abusive behaviour including what you have described. Your recovery won't be an overnight thing, it will require commitment and honesty. Counselling for example can take you gently through your life in a way you can handle, learning how to handle situations in a way which will produce a differenet outcome. It won't leave you raw, effective counselling can leave you feeling refreshed and stronger after each session. The great thing is how others begin to respond differently to you. By the time you are on your way to recovery you will look at this man and say to yourself, "what the hell have I been doing all these years" then you look at them like a box of sorry old clothes you wouldn't give house room to.
All sound a bit unreal and idealistic? That's what my 120 clients said when they first came to my project for support, but 60% have begun new lives, taken new jobs, changed their appearance, moved house, even had their children gently supported. Without exeption they all say the same thing, "I wish I had done this years ago" But I tell them to get out their and enjoy their new life. Some of the women who come to my project have been abused since childhood by family and later by husbands and boyfriends, they survive broken bones and near death incidents, I'm not saying it is easy, but I am saying it can be done, and is done, you can be one of those women, you just have to remind yourself that YOU ARE WORTH IT AND DESERVE IT AND ARE ENTITLED TO IT AND INDEED HAVE A RIGHT TO IT.

GOOD LUCK.

December 13, 2000
4:17 pm
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Anonymous
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god, what a sad story, I pray that you are finding the strength and the light of god enters your life.
If you only ask, god will help, believe that you are divine.for you are.

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