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He ended it
February 24, 2004
2:28 pm
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Anonymous
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So I don't know how many people have been up to date on my situation but he called from the airport and ended the relationship, actually his exact words were I can't trust you and I dont see having a relationship with you if I can't trust you. So I told him to take care, he called back a couple minutes later to ask about the voice mail I had left him where I said that I had sent him that email for that purpose alone and he could have told me then, and he called back to ask about that, and I told him to take care again. He is on his way back to CO now, and I wonder how it will be when he gets here, anyone think they know what I should expect?

February 24, 2004
2:35 pm
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Zinnie
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Change your number and leave him alone.

Face it the guy is a nut.

February 24, 2004
2:36 pm
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He is the nut? explain to me Zinnie if he is the nut, then why is it he can't trust me and he's ending it?

February 24, 2004
2:37 pm
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marley
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Aces -

How are you doing? Do you feel good/bad about the situation?

I think when he gets back it will depend on a lot of things. Is he planning on staying in CO? Will he see you often (since you 2 live close right)? Is he dating someone else - or will he find someone else quickly?

And what will you do? Do you want him back? Do you want to move on?

If you want to move on and get over him you will and it will not matter to you after a while what he is doing. If you want to be with him, you should make some decisions soon about this, figure out what it is about him that you like/dislike, reasons why you want to be together, etc.

He will probably call you and be nasty every now and again - blame you for the failed relationship, etc. It seems like he is too controlling to just let you live your own life. In my opinion this statement of "it's over" is part test and part truth. He is assuming a whole bunch of stuff now and your change in behavior has got him spinning. He is wanting to see how you will react to this, will you come running back, swearing you love no one but him and you would never cheat on him in a million years? Or will you shrug your shoulders and say your loss. The ball is in your court now. Make a decision that you can stick to, that feels right in your gut - they say the body doesn't know how to lie.

February 24, 2004
2:43 pm
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MEC
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Aces, I agree with Zinnie this time. He's a nut, let this one go. He's a jerk. He has trust issues that you don't need and/or deserve to be dealing or putting up with.

Let him go.

February 24, 2004
3:05 pm
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Marley

I think part of me was relieved that he did it , but you know how you just get a feeling that it really isn't over. that is how I feel, I mean he said I can't have a relationship with someone I don't trust and to me that is a big thing, but then when I was like I have to go take care whatever, he didn't want to get off the phone, it was like make up your mind, I think I have been the one pushing him to do this because it is easier for me to be able to move on knowing that he made that decision. I don't know if Im even making sense anymore

February 24, 2004
4:25 pm
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acj
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I don't know much about this but would this be considered Passive/Aggressive behavior on his part??

acj

February 24, 2004
4:49 pm
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Anonymous
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I have no idea does anyone know?

February 24, 2004
6:46 pm
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MEC
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Honestly, does it matter?

February 24, 2004
8:08 pm
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marley
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I am with MEC on this, whether or not he is being passive/agressive really doesn't matter, all that really matters is whether or not your needs are being met and it sounds like they aren't.

My Advice? Go out and enjoy Mardi Gras, I know there has got to be something fun to do in Denver, you can get a free hurricane at Gov's with the coupon - and Gov's is FULL of hotties.

Take care Aces! And I think it would be best to drop him, I mean Brad Pitt said it best "of all the fish in the river".

February 25, 2004
10:39 am
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So he called me when he got in last night and I like an idiot went over there, then this morning I told him my phone wasnt working right cause it was freezing up and he fixed it then looked into my call log and go super mad that I had called guys over the weekend while he was gone. Freaked out, started yelling and saying I must be dating these guys if Im talking to them, Im tired.

February 25, 2004
12:49 pm
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marley
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Aces -

He is a control freak. My mom married one of those, there is no upside. Who did he call over the weekend? What did he do? I don't think it is TOTALLY UNFAIR that he subjects you to such scrutiny and is not fully willing to commit to you or to give you the same information in return. There is a grain of truth in the idea that if they suspect you of something it is likely b/c they are doing it or at least thinking of doing it.

But I would have gone over there too - there is nothing wrong with that. I think what truly matters is if at the end of the day you still like yourself and feel you are being true to what you want/are/believe in. You know what I mean?

February 25, 2004
12:55 pm
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MEC
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Aces, I know it is super difficult, but, you need to let this guy go. Really.

February 25, 2004
12:55 pm
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MEC
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I am seriously considering going through detox myself again too.

February 25, 2004
3:18 pm
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marley
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Aces,

http://www.angelfire.com/indie.....index.html

the website is super funny even if he isn't a narcissist. Did I send it to you before? Anyway - you should check it out.

P.S. There are so many beautiful, self-sufficient intelligent men in Denver, why chose this one?

February 25, 2004
3:22 pm
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MEC: what happened I thought you two were moving in

Marley - you crack me up, thats cool that you are in Denver too, yeah he is a control freak you know what he says to me today, he says he is in charge of our relationship, dead serious, he is in charge of our relationship, who says that, and how do I change it? Just by leaving?
How are you doing Marley?

February 25, 2004
3:28 pm
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Marley

That website was hilarious, so seriously though how are things with you?

February 25, 2004
4:50 pm
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marley
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Aces -

I am doing really well today, he comes home in a week and I haven't emailed him back in two days, so I am proud of myself. Everytime I think of being with him I try to go to that site and read the Missing the Narcissist and try to remind myself that no matter how real or nice he seems to be right now, there is a veritable monster in there too!

So we will see . . .

I am 99% sure I will pick him up at the airport - although I am kinda scared that he is gonna look like the swamp thing, having been on the beach and at a commune for a month with no comb or brush or razor. But I think if he looks like the swamp thing, then maybe I will be like OH GROSS! and not want to see him anymore, b/c he is usually pretty nice to look at.

Anyway, I tell myself I am only going because I am his friend and he bought me something in Costa Rica and I want to see what it is, but there is a part of me that wants to say get lost creep! (Only then I think he isn't a creep I am just too needy or whatever so then I go to the NPD site and think, hey its not me its him)

round and round we go!!!

And you? Are you done for real?

February 25, 2004
4:59 pm
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Im not done for real, I wish I was, I want to be done, but alas no, and if I was you I would be picking him up too, planning what I was going to wear to make him realize his loss, I tried it, did you read my other thing, that retard said that he is in charge of this relationship, I don't think so. Well I think this will be good for you, because you need it and maybe when you see him you will say what did I ever see in him in the first place you know.

February 25, 2004
5:50 pm
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marley
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Aces -

I am trying to figure out what to wear to the airport, and exercising like everyday and not eating any fried foods, etc. How sick is this?

I am reading into Narcissist Personality Disorder and it is really scary how well my EX fits the profile and it sounds like yours might too. I have always tended to be one of those people who wants to help/save others - and my sister told me from the beginning that I couldn't save this one! Well rebellion kicked in and 2 years later I am wondering how I got here!!!

I think (honestly) that your guy is feeling pretty threatened and instead of just acting like he doesn't give a shit and letting you walk away he is in hyper-macho mode, like who the hell is she to be making me feel inadequate, blah blah blah.

Well whatever, you obviously know that you can control yourself in this situation!! What is it that you want? I mean I go back and forth marriage to this imbecile or a life with someone infinitely better? I mean I love him, but do I really? Sometimes I think it is too surreal, like maybe I made him up. Sometimes I wish I made him up, and then I could unmake him.

Anyway - hope you are having a good day.

February 25, 2004
5:59 pm
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Marley -

So is this the guy that went down to coast rica with another girl? Hmmm he talked to you about picking him up though, I mean thats good, Im sure he could have found someone else to pick him up if he wanted, but just be careful, you don;t want to be second choice for anyone, and I know its easy for me to say but you deserve better, just like I do, we just have to find it in this god forsaken town

February 25, 2004
7:12 pm
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MEC
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Marley,

Are you out of your mind????? Already planning what you are going to wear and exercising just to pick him up from the airport????

Come on, you can do better than that!!!

Go salsa dancing this weekend!! or come to Cuba with me!!!

MEC

February 25, 2004
7:24 pm
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marley
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Ok -

The short version . . .

Aces - he went to costa rica to hook up with some girl. Before he got there she had already met someone new, but he went anyway since he had a plane ticket and he could very well be co-habitating with some entirely new person in Costa Rica as I write this, but you know what? I don't care. I just want him to want me - it is a game and I know it but hey that is what I want and if I don't get it? Oh well life goes on! I know there is someone out there who will treat me like a queen and if I can just get over obsessing about it, my life will be great. But hey, it wa 50 degrees out today and sunny so I am in an unusually good mood!

MEC - I can't go to CUBA and you know it, stop tormenting me!!!! I have a final and a trip to chicago and WORK it is tax season. I have a month off b/w thanksgiving and christmas I am thinking southern hemisphere!

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