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HE CALLED ..
September 28, 2004
3:24 pm
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tenderheart
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I broke down and cried and he heard it in my voice. I told myself I wouldn't pick up the phone until I was ready and I actually did ok for being upset. It has been over 2 weeks since we last spoke. He left with out saying goodbye. It seems everytime he starts a new job he leaves. So for the past 2 weeks I have tried to accept that this man is no good for me.
When he called I sort of froze... and just asked what did he want.. did he leave something behind and want to pick it up? what? He asked how I was and if the space he gave me help. I didn't ask for space. He always tries to find a way to make it my reasoning. He asked to come see and said he was on his way, but I told him not to and hung up. He never did show up. Thank God. Because I was afraid if he did show up that I would get weak and accept him back into to my life. Of course I knew he was coming over for all the wrong things, either sex, a place to sleep or eat. Well I see it this why should I share or give of what I have, when he doesn't give or share back.
It has been two days since I received that call and I really wish I could just let go of it. Deep within me I wish he was calling because he was remorseful for being such a jerk and he loved me and wanted to give me the world, but reality is he doesn't want to.
Well I needed to vent..
Thanks,
Tenderheart.

September 28, 2004
3:29 pm
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gingerleigh
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"Deep within me I wish he was calling because he was remorseful for being such a jerk and he loved me and wanted to give me the world, but reality is he doesn't want to."

This rings true for so many of us I would bet. Hang in there, it will fade and get better.

September 28, 2004
3:36 pm
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Anonymous
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I think you did an awesome job and I know how hard that must have been for you to say no. But do you feel better now that you said no, or do you think you should have said yes? There is only so much emotional turmoil you can go through before you are just tired of it. I think you did a great job and am proud of you.

Hugs

A & S

September 28, 2004
3:52 pm
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CAMER
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((Tender))) you did the right thing, and of course we would all want him to call for the "right" reason, but life is hard, and you did the right thing by telling him not to come over. Relationship/breakups are hard to deal with, feel the pain now and you will get better & healthier, I promise you that, try to stay busy & know he was not good for YOU, and you
deserve so much better. Keep posting and venting, we are all here to help and listen.

(((hugs to you for doing the right thing)))
Camer

September 28, 2004
3:57 pm
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tenderheart
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Thanks gingerleigh and Aces. It has been hard to say no in the past. After I ended this thread he left a voice message on my phone at work. I pray that I will stay focused on my life ahead and the changes that I am beginning to make. I am trying to forget about the damage he did and the past and yet I still remember just to remind me of how bad it was to be with him. Hopefully the calls will go away, but this time I will help them dissappear by changing my home # and asking my boss to change my 800#. Thanks for the hugs.
Hugs for all of you.
Tenderheart.

September 28, 2004
4:19 pm
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jul
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Hi tender, you are doing an awesome job taking care of you. Be proud of yourself. By not seeing him you showed great courage! It's funny, my ex was the same way. Whenever I was calling things off, that's when he tried even harder to get back in with me. They treat us like crap and then when they see they are losing control, they hang on tighter. I too wish things had worked out and that he would feel bad and be sorry for how he treated me. But I am reallizing that that will never happen. People like them can't love, they just move on to the next one that they can use and abuse. It amazes me how many of us have been in relationships with these losers. I used to feel like I was the only one who could see the potential and that I could change him. I am amazed that there are so many of these guys out there. Hang in there tender. Good job!

September 28, 2004
4:57 pm
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Anonymous
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Tender, changing your number is a good step, hard to do but a good step. I think that you will be fine, you have the strength to end this and are doing so for good, trust me I know how hard it is everyone here has had to read my pathetic posts on Mr. Jack this and Mr. Jack that, so I definitley admire you. We are here for any support you may need as well.

BIG HUG

A & S

September 28, 2004
5:07 pm
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hopefulinri
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Hi tender,

I'm also in a similar situation. I haven't heard from him in 9 days. I hope I will be as strong as you were when he does call. And we all know he will. Wish me luck.

September 28, 2004
6:44 pm
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sunray
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tender great job! i am not there yet i can feel your pain . and pray when he calls i can master the strenght . this site has helped me greatly today ,being my first. i have gained strenght just by reading others problems and how they have come. be proud of your self today. your a step closer.

sunray

September 30, 2004
6:26 pm
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benefit
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wow. this is my first post, i'm happy to have found this site. i thought or was made to feel like i'm a total emotional coaster by my ex. we've carried on our love/hate relationship for 7 yrs. I think it finally ended last night when i took it upon myself to not settle for an email good bye.i needed him to be responsible for his words. It was all turned on me, it was my fault for upsetting him and all the problems i've caused him in his life, he never takes the blame. he said he likes spending time w/me and we can be friends, but he can't risk me screwing up his life or his job. he's never worked more than 3 months besides in a family business. he lived off of me when family turned their back or when he was bored. i've always been there to catch him.i thought i would be rewarded because i know the person he used to be. drugs, alcohol, i've dealt w/it w/him and i upset him and i'm cut out of his life. i'm sorry i just rambled on. i can only hope to get to point that tender is. the phone rings and i almost cry in disappointment that it's not him telling me he needs me.

October 1, 2004
9:59 am
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InPainZHT
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Tenderheart,

I love what gingerleigh posted... basically, a mirror-image of what we're thinking when "they" call.

I have received a phone call from her at 1 week to 2 week intervals... quick, small, short phone calls. They're carefully balanced with 1 nice thing to say and 1 bad thing to say... and a quick sprinkling of "i'm not even suppose to be talking to you", or, "I can't talk, got to go.... gotta go.... I have to go...."

You all know about the incidents with her daughter waving; also, I come home the other day, she's in her drive way pulling out to turn around and back up and as I pull into my driveway, her window is suddenly rolled down and our favorite song on one of our favorite cd's is suddenly cranked up (from the start, she just put the cd in and hit "play track 4"). As others in here have said, there is no such thing as coincidence. It was a set-up.

So, tenderheart, while we want them to be doing it for one thing, they are in all likelyhood doing it for another. Stay strong and make the right decisions.

I am SO proud of myself. These are the times that test people against become alcoholics or drug addicts as a means of escape. I'll be damned if I let that happen to me. I am going to be soooo strong and soooo much wiser when this part of my life finally resolves, whichever way it does.

The same will be true for you.

InPain

October 1, 2004
12:30 pm
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benefit
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thanks for the postings and thanks for everyone sharing their pain. i sometimes am selfish and think i'm the only one. i received an email this morning belittling me again and telling me he doesn't trust me. that's a riot, things like that help me to look at why i'm better off without him. if it's not drugs then we'll have a problem w/the alcohol or w/his running and hiding so he doesn't have to work or be a boyfriend. it's scary because looking back the bad far outweighs the good in this relationship. it was totally one sided and i was made to believe that i was doing so much wrong and i made him someone he didn't want to be. our intervals were usually two months. he'll disappear and show or call in two months and his first question is "how have you been" like he needs that justification that i've been miserable w/o him. he pledges love, talks marriage and kids and then wham he's gone again. candy from a baby and just enough to keep me hanging on. plenty of times i heard "i had a ring to give you, but. . . " "we were going to go out, but . . ." and it was always something i did wrong to not get his "prize" and i bought it completely. i'm so frustrated and i think it will never get better, but i can only hope one day to make myself happy and if someone is lucky enough to catch MY eye i hope i don't bring this pain into that relationship.

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