Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Having trouble starting therapeutic letter
August 29, 2005
1:42 pm
Avatar
Chontelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello all. I have just started seeing a therapist & she told me to write a therapeutic letter to my last ex live-in boyfriend. He was/is the epitome of charmer/abuser. He looked like Alan Jackson's identical twin. We moved in together after 3-4 mos of courtship. Once he was officially living there, the true colors came out. He had fits of rage over nothing, usually to deflect when I wanted his share of bills or asked where he had been. He broke tons of my stuff, it was always my stuff, never his that got thrown & broken. Once I was in the car to escape his rage I he hit the driver window & it broke, throwing glass all over me & my little dog. I went out of town once in a while & suspected he was cheating. Of course I kept believing his charming lies. I became very ill for about 6 weeks, really thought I was dying. I could no longer work so I had no money to go to a doctor. I did go once & only saw a nurse practitioner who didn't help a bit, she had no clue. I started feeling somewhat better and my friend who lived 4 hours away offered me a job working for her. (I wasn't sure how much I would be able to work, when I would need to sit down, etc.) Well she took me to the doc in her town & it turned out I had Hepatitis B. When I asked how I got it, sex and needles were the only possibilities. I never used needles so I knew it was sex. When I was given the time frame of when I had to have contracted it worked out perfectly to one weekend I returned from out of town & there proof in the bed that sex had happened. He was busted, no way around it. My friend promptly drove me back to my place to go get my car from him & get his stuff out of my house. For about 8 months we would be on again, off again. My thought process back then was "I have this std now, who will want me if they have to go get a vaccination before sex". During this time he was very insistent that he wanted to get me pregnant & start a family. I had a mass in my lower belly & sex hurt, got to where I couldn't have sex at all. That pissed him off. All during this time also, he would disappear for 2-3 days at a time, claiming to be at his uncle's....ya sure. Anyway my refusal to have sex finally got him to not return at all. Well he didn't live there part time any more. He would call every night at the same time & hang up. The next week I finally went to a doc for my abdominal pain. I had major surgery the next week, turned out I had a fibroid tumor on my uterus that was about the size of my fist. I never did talk to him, so he had no idea about the surgery. About a week after surgery the police are at my door. Now this is the very first part of January, ice on the roads, I live in the country, just had my belly cut wide open, couldn't drive, couldn't put pants on, was recovering in a recliner, I even had to call the fire department to re-light my pilot light because I couldn't bend over. The police tell me he called them claiming I broke into his parent's house which was about 50 miles away. I had never once been in his parents house so I told them come back when they have some physical evidence. The police could see my condition & were pissed that he did this. The ex continued to harass me via police, post master general, he broke into my house & left me notes when I was not home, for 6 months, until I finally moved out of state. It was then end of the year 1998 when our relationship ended. In 2001 or 2002 I was diagnosed w/ PTSD & Anxiety disorder. I was still having nightmares & panic attacks. I got to where I wasn't having nightmares about him anymore, I think I was over it. I moved back home in 2003 to help take care of a grandmother with Alzheimers. This was very scary for me, I started to worry he might start stalking me again. (I remember him telling me "if it's 5 or 10 years from now I'll still be thinking of you & love you".) Everything was fine, he didn't stalk me. I had been back in town for 5 or 6 months when one morning while getting ready for work, I see on the local news HIM facing life in prison for molesting a 6 year old little girl. WOW! I knew he was a monster, but never would have thought THIS. I started to remember how hard he was trying to get me pregnant. Then flashes of him & his brother "babysitting" his brother's girlfriend's 4 yr old & 6 yr old daughters while she worked. Then, oh no, did I ever leave my (6 yr old godson at the time) alone with him to go to the store? What if he hurt my godson while I was sleeping. What about the little girls that lived across the street from us. My godson's mother just happens to work for the office of probation & parole & she got the report. So I know that he used his fingers & a knife. In the court records it shows that the little girl said he used a knife on her 'pee pee & my butt'. It has now been a year and a half since that news report. He just in the last couple weeks finally went to prison. He was found guilty after 20 minutes by the jury, he appealed, and for that year and a half he had been free to walk the streets. I know his crimes have absolutely nothing to do with me. But I feel like I cannot trust my own judgement, I have believed so many lies all my life.

So does anyone have any tips for starting the therapeutic letter? I've pulled up the sex offender registry photo of him, trying to bring it all up. I just don't know how to start that letter.

August 29, 2005
1:52 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

the point is to dig deep to the feelings you have pushed away for so long and identify them, name them so you can deal with them, just start with how you feel, these things just have a mind of their own sometimes. It will be hard but you can do it! I have to say I am proud of you for going to therapy! You are the one in control now!

August 29, 2005
2:01 pm
Avatar
Chontelle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks gayle. And this isn't even what I started therapy for. Would that post count for my therapeutic letter? Or do I need to relive every single instance of terror I experienced? It seems like I can tell others about it & it pours out of me but I draw a blank when trying to write TO him.

August 29, 2005
2:07 pm
Avatar
gayle
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think anything you do to express your feelings helps. Its kinda scary thinking about going back to that place in your life and dealing with the terrible things that happened to you. I don't think it is about reliving every terrible experience as it is being able to face the experiences in your life that are still controlling you. Try to write to him, Put his name on the paper and just start writing, find a particular memory and write about how you felt at that time. Start small, you don't have to fix it all today, just do what you can when you can. If you are sad, say you are sad, or scared or angry...whatever the emotion- this is just a start- you can do it!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information