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having to feel the lonliness stinks
February 11, 2004
5:09 pm
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LadySun
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If anyone remembers, I was dating a guy straight out of my marriage and we just broke up. Its only been 3 months, not long, we were together. I realized when he broke up with me how the relationship helped me leave my husband because I didn't have to feel that intense lonliness that would have made me stay in something utterly wrong.

Problem is, now I have to feel it. I know ultimately that is a good thing, but wow it feels horrible.

How does one get past the lonliness. I don't feel like I should just fill it with friends or whatever so that I don't feel it. I feel like I have to deal with it, like I have to understand its roots and get past it.

As much as I want to, I am not going to date anyone until I can get a handle on this.

How do you all learn how to handle the lonliness? What are your insights into getting past it?

I'm glad I am seeing my therapist tomorrow!

Lady Sun

February 11, 2004
5:31 pm
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gingerleigh
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Perhaps the best way to not feel alone is to realize that you are never really alone. The human experience links you to other people and just by nature of the fact that you are alive links you to other creatures. Maybe in times when you are feeling really alone and lonely, maybe you could try to sit back and focus on your connection with the world around you. It's a rather strange exercise, but one thing that helps me is to imagine that I'm moving up and out of my body and looking down at myself and seeing the room I am in and the people around me if there are any, and seeing how I fit into that puzzle. And then I go up higher, and see all of the other houses or buildings around mine, and picture all of the other people who are in their homes, some with families, others sitting by themselves, the dog in the front yard, the bugs under the rock in the woods... it puts me in a different frame of mind, makes me feel much less alone and alien to imagine myself being part of a whole.

February 11, 2004
6:45 pm
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Hoopla
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It's hard LadySun. I'm just now realizing that perhaps I struggle with lonliness too. Strange thing for me is that sometimes when there are opportunities to be with significant others, I prefer to be alone. And, sometimes when I'm alone, I long companionship. The dichotomy of life...you don't miss your water til the well runs dry...

Anyhow, I'm most affected at night after the world has settled. I used to work through the night and sleep late in the mornings. When that stopped being an option, I drank away the midnight hours. Someone here called it self-medicating. I guess that's true. It is however a poor substitute and leads to all sorts of troubles on its own.

Reading helps me...takes my mind off of the issues. Have you read a good book lately, LadySun?

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