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Having cold feet about visiting my family
December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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Slient Jaguar
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September 30, 2010
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I
bought the round-trip ticket to California, I haven't been in
California for almost five years. My family wants me to come for
Christmas. They could not afford to help out with my ticket. I paid
the ticket on my own.

Until now, I asked
them to see if they are willing to compromise a room to share with
me. They only have three bedrooms (four family members). They do
have two dogs. I am bringing my cat because I cannot afford to hire
a pet sitter for two weeks. It is cheaper to bring my cat to
California.

I explained them
that it would be helpful for my cat to be in the room, to feel
safer and get comfortable than leaving her in an open-space area
with opening doors (possibly lose her through one of these doors).
They said they do not have a room for me. They are thinking about
putting me into the family room, which is next to the front door).
I asked them what about if unexpected guests at the door while when
I am sleeping. It would be akward for me. I also have concerns for
my cat being in an open-spaced area (family room).

I am feeling
cold-feet about going to California for christmas because my family
would not offer me a room or at least secured place for me and my
cat. I am thinking about selling my ticket, so it would not worth
for me to be there for them if I do not feel so welcomed in their
home.

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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jujululu
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Hey
there SJ. Hugs for you. Every-one wants a warm welcome from their
family. Difficult situation - been there done that. Can you talk to
your family and negotiate? Perhaps you need to tell them that you
have cold feet and why. I think you may need to use the words 'cold
feet' because this implies that you have an issue that may prevent
you from coming and this may open up real honest communication.
Perhaps they could help with the cost of care for your cat or they
may know someone who can house your cat while you are there. (maybe
the dogs v cat could be a problem for them??) I think that most
people understand that a guest (even if a family member)in their
home needs some privacy. Maybe they just don't understand this or
there are some deeper issues that don't actually relate to you. I
think you do need to talk to your family to resolve these issues
before you go otherwise I think you could be quite ill at ease. I
hope you can sort it out and have a happy holiday.

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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first
off - does your cat need to be in the same room as you? - perhaps
the cat more of a comfort for you than you are for her/him? Maybe
there is a cozy laundry room or someplace the cat can stay? bring
some blankets and toys that are familiar to make it more
comfortable.

As for your own
privacy - you could explain that you have sleep issues and really
need some privacy to sleep and that you aren't sure you are going
to be comfortable in the living room.

Do they have
frequent visitors? I know for me, sleeping in the living room isn't
an issue at my family's house, because nobody visits. BUT - what is
an issue is that many people want to stay up later than I do, and I
can't go to bed when I NEED to. THEN, I can't sleep well and when I
have to get up to take care of my early-rising son, I am wiped out
and cranky.

Explain your need
for quality sleep and that you appreciate the accomodations, but
that unless you can share a room (even if it means sleeping in a
sleeping bag or air mattress????) would be the only way you can
visit.

I wonder tho - my
gut reaction to this post was that maybe you are just using the cat
as a reason to back out? are you nervous for other
reasons?

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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Anymore I go with my gut feelings when it comes to people,
makes no difference if they are family or not, if you treat me
poorly, then your off my list of contacts...end of it, period. I
would sell the ticket imho...if it were me. I would spend it with
people who can be more respectful and accomdating to me and my pet.
Its just my two cents for what its worth here.

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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caraway
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Slient,

I can certainly
understand your hesitation about visiting family. a couple of
things come to mind when reading about your situation.

You sound as
though you know they are going to let you down, don't respect you,
and that they aren't considerate. But, you also sound, like most of
us, that you still seek their approval and love.

Do the other
family memebers who will be staying in the bedrooms live there, or
are they just guest like you?

How old are you? I
assume you must be young and maybe in college if you feel that is
someone else's responsibility to pay for your plane
ticket.

Is there anyone
you know who might take care of your cat while you are away? A
friend or neighbor who might come by and check on kitty every
couple of days?

Just trying to put
the pieces together.

Cary

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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Lanigirl
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SJ,

Your family don't
sound like cat people and they don't get what your cat needs.
Perhaps this may feel that they don't get what you need? What do
you think you will get out of this trip?

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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laughalot
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SJ -
I can understand your hesitation. Unless your cat is super friendly
and outgoing, he is going to be pretty tramatized with all the
travel and change. It would definitely be better if you had your
own somewhat private space especially with 2 dogs. He will probably
find a place to hide and stay there for a while. He also needs to
feel comfortable getting to his litter box so there are no
accidents. The living room doesn't sound like the best place for
him. You don't need be worrying about him (like you mentioned about
people coming and going) while trying to spend time with your
family and two weeks is a long time. Like Caraway said, do you have
any friends that might be willing to check on him every few days if
you leave him home? I think knowing he is home and being taken care
of would be a huge load off of your mind and make things more
enjoyable for you during your visit. I personally couldn't take 2
weeks in someone's living room but I'm old. I hope you can work
something out because it is your holiday too and you deserve to
feel comfortable where you are. Good Luck!

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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onlyboringontheoutside
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I can
completely relate. I get a hotel now when I go back to visit. I
know it's an added expense, but it is a small price to pay when you
consider the benefits you will get out of seeing them, but still on
your terms with your own space. There are pet friendly motels. It
doesn't need to be a Four Seasons, just a place to sleep at night
when you need privacy. Priceline has some great "name your own
price" deals. I'm staying for over a week in a place for about $300
this year.

Oh, and by the
way, my family threw a fit when I told them I was getting a hotel
room. But you know what? They totally got over it, except for a few
snide remarks every now and then. And I just let those slide, since
who cares? I'm still going to see them, yet I get a complete
night's rest when I've had enough of the family visiting.
🙂

December 9, 2010
12:00 am
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chinadoll
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SJ,

It sounds like you
are looking for reasons to not make this trip?

When I go to visit
my sister's house, I have to get a hotel room. She and her husband
have a 3 bedroom house and 3 small kids, but she will not
accommodate me in the least. I don't even get a spot on the couch.
I could even bring a sleeping bag to sleep on the floor, but she
says there is "no room".

I am on a very
limited income, and she knows I really cannot afford a hotel room,
but if I want to see her, then this is how it is. It also costs me
quite a bit in fuel to make the 4 hour drive.

Maybe your family
is offering you the best that they can do? It doesn't sound to me
like they are making you feel unwelcome. Perhaps there is simply
limited space for the number of people and they thought the family
room was the best choice.

December 10, 2010
12:00 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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oh, I
remember a time, for last two years, I could only stay with my bro
for a limited amount of time because he had no shower facilities
available...I could wash my hair in the sink, and sponge bathe, but
after a couple of days, I couldn't stand no shower....he has a
shower in his room, but his GF is OCD and won't let anyone in that
part of the house.

So, I would either
plan my trips to be short, or I would stay at a hotel ever few
days, just for the shower.

Families are funny
- some will do all they can to host company - others are really not
"into" it and make it difficult to spend time with you. Others just
"can't" accomodate for whatever reason.

If YOU really want
to see them - go - and make the best of it....examine your
alternatives.

But if you really
do NOT want to go - just be honest with yourself and them - and
don't go.

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