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Having a minor setback (Jennifer here...)
May 19, 2006
8:47 am
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Anonymous
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Well, I'm having one of those unexpected moments. People are starting to arrive for the twin's graduation. XH and his mother are here. Which is fine, because we're friends.

But here's the weird part. I've been strong concerning the X fiancee. But with having the XH around is really making me miss XF. XH is more the rough and tough type, and horseplays with the kids, and is loud and somewhat obnoxious, but tolerable. This is making me miss the calm, gentleness and sweet nature of the XF. He was so kind and quiet.

XF called recently, and told me he wouldn't be able to make the graduation, due to his job and his kids aren't out of school, yet. He just e-mailed to say he was sorry again, and had some kind words to the girls for their graduation, and complimented me on my parenthood.

Normally, this wouldn't effect me this way. But I think that having XH around, is making me miss all the good things about the XF.

I was awake, this morning at the unGodly hour of 4:30 am. This is NOT usual for me! I've never seen Montana at this time of hour, and I've been here a long time! But my heart was aching, and I couldn't sleep.

I know this will pass, it's just part of the process. I just didn't expect this. This is an unusual kind of trigger.

Now I'm going to try to get thru my work day, and be ready for MORE company tonight! This house is FULL! Today is the last day of school for the twins and the excitement is about to begin! I had just always thought that he would be by my side, thru this milestone. Afterall, that was the plan.

Anyway, this weekend is about the girls, and I will shift my focus on them, and be PROUD of them, NO MATTER WHAT!! THANK God, these girls will be highschool graduates within the next 48 hours! Yee Haw!!

Thanks for being here, since I can't express this to the ones around me. I had to sneak out to the computer, (in the garage) and STILL can't get much privacy!

Thankyou...

Jennifer

May 19, 2006
9:05 am
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taj64
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Congratulations to your girls. It will be a proud moment. Im sure all of the plannings and ceremony just has you keyed up and hard to sleep. Enjoy, it will work out.

May 19, 2006
9:34 am
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Congratulations on your twins graduating. You should feel very proud as it sounds like you are a great Mom. Im sorry you re heart is aching but know that it will pass, dee1 x

May 19, 2006
10:29 am
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CAMER
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(((hi Mom))) Congrats on your gals and graduating & have a wonderful weekend with them, and the more you focus on them, i think the less you will focus on your XF...((camer)))

May 19, 2006
12:19 pm
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smarterone
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Jen, its normal, you are having a gathering of loved ones and you would like your xf to be there to share this event with you. Like you said, get thru the weekend for the twins, you will feel better about it. Congratulations again, donna

May 19, 2006
2:23 pm
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Thankyou all, for responding to me. This helps me to hear this more than you know. I always know where I can go with these types of thoughts. This board helps me to cope thru the difficult times. The people here understand this more than anyone.

I came home early, today, due to lack of sleep and a pounding headache. And crying always makes me MORE tired. And when I'm tired, I get more emotional than usual. So I've learned to value my rest now, more than ever.

I will get thru this weekend, and it will be a JOY! Afterall, I had ALWAYS planned on my girls graduating, even before I met "him"! This is "their" moment, and it belongs to them! '-)

Thankyou so much, again, for replying. I don't know how I would of managed these feelings, if I had never found this place! (((HUGS)))

Jennifer

May 19, 2006
3:37 pm
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Soulsister
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Hi Jennifer...

I didn't realize you "really" lived in Montana....I thought the Montana part of the backyard BBQ was for the fun of it, too. I've been there..3 times. I think you said something to someone...somewhere about the airport. I didn't realize what Airport you were talking about..I've flew into Montana before..scarrier then heck!! I think I went to Helena?? Not sure though..I don't have a great memory about things.

Anyway...I can totally understand the feeling you have about the XH and XF. My exH sounds similar. He comes here..loud and plays rough the kids...even the daycare kids...they all LOVE him. (he drives me nuts) but then, I miss my BF who cannot be with me..he was gentle and calm...and so opposite of other dad. It makes me miss having him around..too. Wishing for things to be different. Lonely..

What a big and exciting moment in all of your lives.....congrats on everything...I hope you enjoy all of it!!!

Soul

May 19, 2006
4:55 pm
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Hey, Soulsister. Yep, I'm really in Montana, although I'm not on a barn with horses! LOL!

Well, I'm feeling a little better, now. I do miss XF, but I think only because XH is here. Once he leaves, I think I will be more than satisfied to return to my solitude, again. I've been reminding myself of the things I don't miss about the relationship with XF. But I really think the reason I was missing the good things about him, is only because I have to deal with the "not so desirable" ways of my XH, right now. (Which, by the way, only takes me about FIVE seconds in the room with him, to remember why I divorced him!!) Nope, that one is not hard to remember all of the things I do NOT miss!! However, he is being decent, just irritating.

So, I need to quit whining here, and put my attention where it belongs, and be HAPPY for my girls!

Thankyou for replying, Soul! Take Care...

Jennifer

May 19, 2006
5:13 pm
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Jennifer, graduation is always such a crazy time. Lots of emotions, too much to do and not enough time to do it, late nights. It's so bittersweet, isn't it? Your heart is so proud of your girls it wants to burst, yet the threat of the unknown lingers. How are things going to change? Will I miss them? Will they miss me? Will they survive college? lol

You are handling this so well. You have a good head on your shoulders where you XF is concerned. You are an amazing woman! You may have your moments this weekend when the emotion takes over. But this too shall pass. Enjoy your girls! Smile proudly! And congrats to you for raising two fine additions to society! (I have boys, so I'm always on the lookout for well-adjusted females for them:) lol

Congrats and good luck!!! Love, Plz~

May 19, 2006
5:26 pm
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Thankyou, Plze! Your post was so encouraging! The last thing I want my girls to learn from me is the "art" of codepency! LOL!

One already has a full time daycare job, and wishes to stay there, for now. And the other one is thinking about moving near her dad, so he can help her to get on her feet, and possibly attend beauty school. My youngest, who graduates this time next year, is the one that I know will go to college. She has been in a program for the last 3 years, where she attends 6 weeks out of the summer in the college dorms, taking classes. And this also helps her to earn credidts towards a scholarship.

So, yes, I think I will be a "worrier" for the rest of my life! LOL! It's what we codependents do best, is worry!

Thankyou for your words, Plze! This is truly helping me! Take Care...

Jennifer

May 19, 2006
5:55 pm
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bonni
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((((Jennifer))))
bonni

May 19, 2006
6:00 pm
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(((Bonni))) Thanks for the hugs! I needed that!

May 19, 2006
6:55 pm
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bonni
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Jennifer,
You are such a sweet, kind person. i'm so glad you're here. i'm sorry things are rough now, but i know you'll manage.

I'm so proud of you for graduating twin daughters. That must be so tough!

i find that when i want forbidden fruit (like xf for you), i'm really missing something else, but forbidden fruit is standing in for it.

what i mean to say is that you don't really have someone to share this with and it feels extra lonely. you DO have us.

love,
bonni

May 19, 2006
9:51 pm
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Thankyou, Bonni! I'm so thankful that I have all of you to share with! It definately fills a place in my heart! And it's a comfort to know I have a place to go. Thanks...'-)

Jen

May 20, 2006
2:09 pm
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smarterone
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Jen, i know you are rushing around with everyone there so real fast:
((((((Jen)))))))) love donna

May 20, 2006
2:25 pm
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(((Donna))) I just happened to be checking in here close to the time you posted! Great timing!

Yep, ALOT is going on here, now. But I just wanted to pop in, and say thanks again to everyone for being here whenever I'm able to sneak away to post! It's a real comfort to know that I have this place!

Today is better. I got some sleep, and I'm ready to ROLL! XF called to send his love to the girls and let them know how proud he is of them. And I didn't even get emotional over this! (A little sleep goes a LONG way!! 😉

So, ya'll have a WONDERFUL day! I love everyone here!

Jennifer

May 20, 2006
8:57 pm
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Rasputin
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(((Jennifer/Ipw))))

Congrats to your 2 daughter graduation from high school. All the best!

May 20, 2006
9:12 pm
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Congratulations!!!! I hope you have a wonderful party! You truly, truly deserve it!

May 21, 2006
12:40 pm
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Hey IG and RAS!! Thankyou for your words. I'm feeling better now, and I think I have figured out some of the reason this setback may have occurred...yep...PMS!! What great timing for this!! LOL!! At least now I know why I was feeling a little sappy! So I can take peace in KNOWING it will pass! **sigh**

Well, tonight is the big moment! This morning is church, where they'll be acknowledged for graduating, and ALL of our company is going with us to church! FULL pews, this Sunday! LOL! Had a party last night, and probably another "gathering" tonight! I'm just glad I took tomorrow off!

Anyway, just wanted to check in with the latest, and tell you guys that I'm alive and roll'n!! Thankyou again, for being here for me! This IS a big deal to me, to know I have you all! Love everyone...Jennifer

May 21, 2006
12:46 pm
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(((((Jennifer)))))) thinking of you this hour. I know you must be beaming! Soak it all in, sweetie. This is one of those defining "kodak" moments in life that only come once! Savor it!!!

Love, Plz~

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