Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Having A Hard Night....
July 26, 2005
10:10 pm
Avatar
luv2luvher
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Well, it has been a difficult night so far. Last week I missed a day of work and another due to waking up late. Last Tuesday I woke up at about 9:30a.m. and should have been at work at 7:30a.m. So I just called in sick. Then on Thursday, I didn't wake up til 10:30a.m. and should have been in at 7:30a.m. My boss forgave me for both times. Well, tonight I wasn't feeling well so I laid down and fell asleep. I woke up at 8:00p.m thinking it was in the morning. I jumped out of bed and was just a cussing. I just knew I was fired. So then I get up and call my work. But no one is answering. So I hang up and sit on the edge of my bed trying to think what day it was. So I pull up my calender in my phone and realize it is still today. Oh, boy, was my heart beating out of my chest. I guess the stress of my life is just finally getting to me. I know the above it funny as hell now, but at the time I was so scared that I was fired.

Anyways, to get back to the real problem, I mentioned I had contacted my ex to see how her surgery went. Well, she didn't have the week I texted her but the following week. So sunday I texted her to see how it went and if she was alright. Well, she calls and she is over at her parents. So we talk for a few and her parents said hi, blah, blah, blah.

So I found out she was alright and that everything went well. I think the thing about that call was the last thing she said before she got off the phone. She told me that her niece still carries a picture of my son around with her. It breaks my heart. We were such apart of her family as she was mine. Anyways, Monday night she texts me and I guess I was a sleep and missed it, but she said "Thank you for caring how I was yesterday".

I think I made a mistake, I responded with "It's because I still love you, and I never want to see you hurting, I still want to be with you". I am not sure if she received it or not, because she never responded to it. That or she just doesn't have anything to respond back with. I have found myself missing her more each day instead of less. God my heart hurts and yearns to be with her again. We say the pain will heal with time, but mine seems to hurt more with time and it has been almost a year. Some of you may think I am dwelling, but I truly believe we are destine to be together and it is only a matter of time before "He Almighty", brings us back.

Much Luv, And Thanks for Listening.
Luv2

July 26, 2005
11:14 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Luv, I'm so sorry that tonight is tough for you. Sometimes even after a long period of time, those old feelings resurface, just when we think we've "arrived". I don't think the fact that you told her how you feel is a bad thing. I know it hurts to get no response though. I am sorry that you are so brokenhearted. I know that feeling well:(

I have learned that the plan I have for my life is NOT necessarily the one God has for me. Sometimes He brings people into our lives for just a "season". I seem to try to keep them around:) But we should continue to pray and seek His will concerning all relationships (past and present), and you just never know what great surprises are ahead. Keep the faith, my friend!

July 26, 2005
11:19 pm
Avatar
Anonymous
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Oh, and the little story about oversleeping gave me quite a chuckle:)

Glad you think it's "funny" now too!

Just an idea...there's this new invention called an "alarm clock"??? lol

July 26, 2005
11:44 pm
Avatar
mamacinnamon
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Luv:

I agree w/ Plz that He does sometimes bring someone into our lives for a season. So very true. And He IS the one in control afterall. He may also want ya'll back together, but not for now. Only He knows the answers to the questions.

I am not saying for you to turn your back on her, but you need to put some distance there. I am not saying you are dwelling either, but when you have constant contact then thre is no way for you to move on coz you are still in the same picture. You need to find something to fill your time; something that will give your mind a break from this revolving door. Then after you have moved on to an extent He may want you back together. But, you need to not think on that. "Do not worry about tomorrow coz tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own."

Go ahead and step outside the frame; see what He has for you to do. You'll not know until you take those first steps.

I really do think that at this point and w/ the way it is affecting you that you need to put some distance into the picture. 🙂

July 27, 2005
12:17 am
Avatar
Just Lost
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

its amazing how stories can be so similar. you are where i was about 4 weeks ago. mine would thank me for calls to see how she was doing or if i did small things for her. but like yours, i would get cut off at the knees if i ever said anything that related to loving her or still wanting to be with her. i am afraid to tell you where i am now because i dont want you to lose hope. now i am told that she is tired of hearing from me and that the only place i can ever be in her life is a friend. nothing more. if i call, she may not answer or even return my call. i updated my attorney on the situation today and he said it was time to end the marriage. so, despite his advice to cut off all contact with her, i went to her house. we went roller blading for about 30 minutes. i told her the divorce would be final within a few days. she said she was okay with that. but then she thanked me for doing something with her. we talked for a very long time about things other than us. she thanked me for that also. then we went for dinner. talked a lot more. but did it really do anything for 'us'? not really. i could have read all kinds of things into everything that was said. but I just didn't bother. does it still hurt? very much. I keep trying to fall back on God. Sometimes I have good days, sometimes bad. Luckily, my attorney is a man of God and I feel closest to God when I am around him. I had to go see him today because I was weak. He uplifts my spirit every time. He lets me know that it's my wife who is making the wrong decisions to end this marriage, "dead wrong." He also reminds me that there is nothing I can do to control it. All I can do is try to live for his plan for me and let him take care of her issues. She's still my wife for a few more days so I worry. But I have to stop. I have to forgive and release. I don't have to let her know that I forgive because I don't want her to think that what she has done is okay. So, right now, I am just numb. No hurt but no feeling either. I feel comfortable being in this spot for the moment. I think it is God's peace suspending me from the world and that's fine with me. I know that I will have more ups and downs but right now I will take this. At some point, you will feel the same as well. I can't explain mine. Maybe it's knowing that the divorce is now inevitable and close. And I know she will be with the other man. But what can I really do about that? For the first time today, I didn't even bother talking about her being with him. His name did come up but nothing was ever said about their relationship. Why bother. Maybe my CoDA meeting last night is making me feel this way. maybe it's the swift kick in the ass I get from my attorney every time I go there. maybe it's all my prayers finally coming to pass. maybe it's God saying you have suffered enough. I think he is going to take her away from me but what can I do about it? I can beg and cry and plead and want. But does it change anything? No, it just makes me suffer more. I do love her and I want more than anything on earth to have her back. But that's up to God now. I will leave you with this. The last thing she said to me was "that was fun. maybe I will email you next week to see if you want to do it again." now coming from her that's probably something I could analyze and read into. she hasnt said anything like that to me in a month. but if I analyze it, or put any hope in it, I will surely fall and hurt more. for now, i will just remember that she said it but i wont expect her to email. i also will not expect her to honor a lunch date we made for thursday. my atty said she is headed directly for a brick wall and that i need to let her run into it all on her own. he told me to block all of her emails and phone calls. he told me to cut her off because all I do every time I talk to her is give her more approval to continue her inappropriate behavior with the other man. he said I am giving the alcoholic another drink every time i call her because, despite her statements that she hates me, it tells her that I am 'still there' and that I approve of her as a person because I care enough to call. I never saw it that way before but he is right. maybe I just have to say screw her because she won't change until she is ready. tomorrow morning i will probably be dying to write or call her. but i have to find the strength not to. we are all fighting the same battle. it just sounds like yours and mine are very similar. feel free to draw off of my strength tonight. i am sure i will need yours later.

July 27, 2005
1:05 pm
Avatar
luv2luvher
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for your reponses.

JustLost,

I am deeply sorry for your pain and anguish. I have been down that road of Divorce. It isn't an easy one but I finally made it through. The person I am cracked up over now was a new love of 4 years. I just know in my heart that she is the one for me and that I just have to be patient till it returns. I don't believe God brought her into my life for a season... He brought her to me for a lifetime and I know there are reasons for what I am going through right now. It has help shed some light on who I am and what areas of my life that I need to change to be able to fully meet her needs. But first I know I have to fully understand mine and come to terms that I can not neglect the ones I love no matter if one day I develope a deep depression. I have to learn to lean on the people that care about me instead of pushing them away. I am even like that with my family. Whenever I am down, I seem to push them away to a distance where they are mad at me. But I know this is all a life lesson that I will learn from and grow stronger with and then when I am truly healed I think I will get her back. And the same goes for her, I know she knows there are aspects of her life that she must approach, learn, except and move on. But until that time I feel it is my only option to hold out for the one I would truly die for.

Much Luv,
Luv2LuvHer

July 27, 2005
2:40 pm
Avatar
kathygy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

luv2, As long as you hold on to hope you will stay in pain. Your belief that she is meant to be in your life forever could be just wishful thinking and you could be wrong. This belief is hurting you. She may never come back to you. I know it is hard when you love someone to let them go but I don't hear anything from you that indicates she has anything to offer you. You told her you still love her but she didn't respond to that which tells me she doesn't feel the same way you do. Holding out for her is not your only option. You do have the option to take an honest look at yourself and read up on codependency such as the book 'co-dependent no more' by melodie beattie. You have the option of going to coda meetings, you have the option of seeking out therapy to work on your codependency. You can learn to love yourself. If you love yourself you won't subject your self to so much pain that you do by holding on to hope that may never happen.

love,
kathy

July 27, 2005
6:28 pm
Avatar
stwhirlwind
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

luv2,

i understand how you feel about pushing your family away... i am doing the same thing to my family right now and i hate to hurt them, but when i am down this low, i just can't communicate with them and i feel so alone that i can't even see that there are people there who DO care about me. My BF of 4 years whom i moved to southern california for to live with is leaving me, has decided he's having a mid-life crisis or just wants to live alone (to be without me because i am too clingy) and i am severly depressed. i feel sometimes that i can't go on, that i don't want to. i feel there is nothing left for me and i don't want to bring my family down with me either. it's tough. i wish you luck and i think kathygy's advice is key, i only wish i could follow as well!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110978
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714262
Newest Members:
brianwolfe, swright, nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information