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having a bad day
February 21, 2005
6:51 pm
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imhealing
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Since breaking up with my boyfriend a week ago I have felt good about my decision as we fought all the time, he made me feel bad about myself and ashamed a lot. But lately the good times have been creeping back into my head. I know it is the best thing to break things off since I was constantly feeling crazy in the relationship, but today all I can do is think about the times when we were happy. For some reason when I try to divert my attention to the long list of things that didn't make happy (which usually works when I start feeling sad) isn't working. I have now ate just about all the food in my house and have cried all day. I know it is for the best that we are not together but I am still so sad. Things don't help that I hate my job and I can't think of anything that I want to do with my life. I feel so lost inside... So, all I can think of is another failed relationship, a job that makes me miserable, debt up to my eyeballs and now a stomach ache from all this food I just crammed into my mouth. I know that things will get better in time, but what do I do on these days that I am not so sure about anything anymore???

February 21, 2005
9:14 pm
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CODA_Mom
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Hey imhealing,

It must seem that the right decision is the wrong decision when you're feeling so bad. No matter how bad the relationship was, you will still go thru grieving of sorts. I'm sure you're aware of these stages, because I pasted a line from your post which indicates this:

"I know that things will get better in time..."

See, you know in your heart that you did the right thing, in time your head will agree.

You didn't mention how long you were together, but allow yourself time to establish new routines, new friends, and whatever other "newness" you have to deal with.

Allow yourself to relish in your newfound peace where you don't have to be on the defense all the time, or feel bad and ashamed. You said "another failed relationship"...this would be a good time of self-evaluation to figure out what type of guy would be GOOD for you...make a list, and don't settle for anyone else.

Most of all, be good to yourself. You are worth gentleness and care because you're going thru a major loss. Instead of overeating, try exercising or sitting in a hot tub. Call a non-judgmental, sensitive friend to talk. Keep posting here, this is a great place to find support.

You'll make it, it takes time but healing will come.

Blessings,
CM

February 22, 2005
4:43 pm
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I too broke up with my boyfriend, and was convinced at the time that I had made the right decision-then soon after I was filled with regrets and 'what ifs'. And thinking about the good times is a sure way to begin doubing the decision.
But there had to be a good reason in the first place to end things, and this you must remind yourself of, so that when you replay the relationship in your mind, you will know that you did the right thing.
Just know that bad days will always pass and perceptions will always change

February 22, 2005
6:02 pm
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imhealing
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Thank you everyone so much for your support and understanding. It helps to ease my mind some knowing that there are caring words out there. I just have to stay strong (and try to put down the cookies) Thanks. šŸ™‚

We actually weren't together that long. Only 7 months, but we grew close so fast that it seemed like we were together for years. But with the closeness that came very fast, so did all the fights. We had a very passionate relationship that turned from wonderful to ugly real fast. There was no physical abuse, just mental and emotional. That is when I looked at our relationship and thought if it is like this in 7 months what will it be like in 7 years. He wanted us to get married and have kids, but all I saw with that was misery with me trying to live up to that person that he wanted me to be and me trying to make him happy and it never happening.

My first relationship that lasted for 1 1/2 was almost identical to this one and I guess since I saw the signs early enough, it was a bit easier for me to get out. My 1st relationship took years for me to get over and I still see myself as the person that he said that I was with all the hurtful things that he said and did to me.

I had another relationship in between that lasted for 4 years and I refused to let a man treat me how that 1st guy did, so I was a bitch to him and he loved me so much. Hmm, a little weird, I treated him how I hated and he stayed. I know that was wrong and I wouldn't do that again that is why I know that I can't date anybody until I get my head completly in order, but some days it is so hard....

February 23, 2005
2:36 am
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Some days it IS hard - I am with you there!
It does help to share how you feel, especially on a site like this. I find that family and friends are only supportive to a point; after a while, they assume that you should be moving on, and so you try to repress the feelings and avoid talking about how much you still think about the ex.

I was with my boyfriend for eight months (on and off)-It is amazing how inense things can become in such a relatively short period of time and how much effect it has on you when it ends.

The way you acted in your different relationships is completely understandable. We are only trying to protect ourselves - but sometimes we inadvertantly hurt others in the doing so.

It sounds like you're learning alot about yourself and that's really what we strive for.

Hope you have more good days soon!!

~charlie~

February 23, 2005
3:12 am
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For Ben
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It's like you feel like there will be not one else, but there are more fish in the sea! Go get a massgae or a new hair cut, maybe he'll change because your looking so good! Good luck.

February 23, 2005
3:28 am
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margarita2004
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WOW it sounds like I wrote this thread... But today I had a wonderful day , my best friend just came back from a very long tirp she mad thanx to an emotionally abusive relationship and we talked for hrs. and hrs. about how so many times we have to deal with the fact that we will not be in these relationships that we one day we thought ruled our entire life, and that in some way they did !!! and we came to the conclusion that time will be our best friend , YES but what to do in the meanwhile, well, think of how wonderful you are, change something about the way you look, open your windows, buy new shirt, WHATEVER, just remember that you are worth bunch .... and that you are going to fall sometimes and you will have days just like this one because we've had those days, and you will feel like doing all kinds of crazy stuff!!! WELL DON'T .... WILL POWER ... LOTS OF WILL POWER !!! think before you act and remember that if it wasn't ment to be it's because there is something better waiting for you TOMORROW maybe or whenever , the importnant thing right now THIS MOMENT IS YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!
YOUUUUUU !!! and only you!!! TAKE care of yourself FIRST !!! enough of putting the other person first !!!
YOU FIRST !!!!
Love
Margarita

February 23, 2005
8:12 am
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CODA_Mom
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You ladies are all awesome...you chose not to stay in bad relationships and to face the prospect of being "alone" (not "lonely"). I admire your strength and courage...and pray for good partners for all of you.

CM

February 23, 2005
9:26 am
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CAMER
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hope you are doing better today...sometimes we do feel the pain of the breakup when time goes by...but think of the honest reasons why you broke up, something was not right...and yes, you may be lonely, and now you can fill that loneliness up with more love from yourself...know that you will not always feel this way, you broke up for a reason. Feel your feelings, and know in time they will pass.
(((wishing you a comforting day)))
CAmer

February 23, 2005
12:01 pm
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CODA_Mom
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You know, I started thinking that maybe y'all don't want or need good partners for now (see my post, 2 up). I apologize for that, I do not want to pray for what I think that you want...that's my CODA kicking in again...it's a constant battle. I'll just pray for peace and contentment for all of us, no matter what our circumstances.

"Peace Out" (as my kids would say),
CM

February 23, 2005
5:53 pm
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imhealing
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I actually am feeling a little better today. It makes me feel so happy seeing such wonderful responses and encouragement to my problems, it makes me almost cry. Not cry in all the ways he did, just cry because it make me feel good to finally hear nice words to help build me up and not to break me down. I am really happy that I found this site. šŸ™‚ Thanks everyone!!

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