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HAVE YOUR LIFE CHANGE OR ARE YOU STILL STUCK?
June 26, 2007
1:01 pm
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nappy
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I was just thinking about this title this morning. I have been on this site for a long time and I just wanted to hear from other about there recovery on there life journey since they have been on here.
I read a lot of other people struggle with there problems and just wanted to know if you have moved on from your problems or have they gotten better or are you still stuck in the same situation.

I just wanted to say for myself that I have moved on with my life and it has been wonderful. There has been some (little) bump in the road with others or should I say little pot holes that I'm glad that I didn't fall right back into.

It is a great feeling to feel free and not be in the same place as before.

Just want to hear where you are at right now in your life, MOVED ON OR STILL STUCK

Nappy!

June 26, 2007
1:06 pm
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risingfromtheashes
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I have DEFINITELY moved on, without a doubt.

I have hit some potholes...bumps in the road...but they didn't stop me in my tracks or throw me off my course.

I STILL have my issues...and know that with the wrong person in my life, I could EASILY end up on the wrong track, stuck in the same situation.

But I managed to find healthy people to surround myself with...and my life has changed dramatically...and I find that I am in a healthier frame of mind.

Mind you - my problems did NOT go away. They lurk under the surface.

BUT

I have control over them...they don't control me...and my guess is that it's only because I have a wonderful partner who helps me live a healthy life...and not an unhealthy one that triggers all the bad stuff, brings out the worst in me.

I am content, I am happy. I have a baby on the way....will be getting married sometime next year....renovating our home...great career...a healthy, happy teenager at home....bills are getting paid off.

I am in a GOOD place.

June 26, 2007
1:13 pm
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mj
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Hi Nappy,

My life is dynamic forever changing. What I have noticed about me is that I don't stay stuck as long in my problems. I can find solutions easier. I don't need as much validation but certainly enjoy it. I feel my life is changing for the Better. Great Thread!

June 26, 2007
2:56 pm
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CAMER
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I agree with MJ, i too don't stay "stuck" as long as i used to...now i know the rights and wrongs, and don't feel bad about saying "no" and sticking up for me and my wants and needs.

And yes, like us all, have hit some roadblocks and learned from them.

I am so grateful of this site, being here many years, its just a positive outlook for my day to go on & post and read.

For now, I take it day by day, and do my best.

Great thread (((nappy)))!!!

June 26, 2007
3:19 pm
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nappy
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Rising,
Congratulation on your new baby. I am so happy for you. I do remember you and you do sound so much positive. I hope you much happiness and blessing through out your journey in life.

MJ, and Camer,
You two also sound so positive and I'm very bless to be upon you all on this thread.

It just feel good sometimes to hear joy in others and there recovery and how well that they are handling life in general then to hear the pain that some are suffering.

Life is grand, we just have to take it one step at a time.
Nappy!

June 26, 2007
3:45 pm
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StronginHim77
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My first visit to these threads was in April of 2006. Originally, I came to AAC because I was in total, emotional upheaval...engaged to a man with borderline personality disorder and frantically trying to "fix" him and get it to work! (I am sure that the recovering codependents reading this are grinning. We've all been there, right?) I finally managed to stay away from that man, but turned around 10 months later and married a narcissist whom I met online while lonely during the Holidays. (Note: some of us just don't "get it" the first time around. So, don't give up, if you find yourself screwing up more than once.)

Today, I am separated from the N-husband (whom -- I am happy to add -- has apparently filed for the divorce which I could not afford) and learning to live alone CONTENTEDLY. (Translation: without a man in my life.) To my amazement (and the delight of my psychologist), I have had a sort of "light bulb" breakthrough with my recovery from codependency. For the first time, I am grieving my losses, but moving on in peace. And I no longer feel driven to fill that "hole" inside of me with the distraction of -- yet another -- man. Never thought this would be possible. I am actually happy.

Also, I am in the process of having my credentials evaluated for licensing as a Christian counselor. (I've already been admitted to the State Assn. of Christian Counselors and Therapists.) So, my journey of recovery has brought me to a place of New Beginnings...in a profession I never thought possible for myself.

I am no longer "stuck." I am growing leaps & bounds from the panic-stricken, heartbroken woman who first joined these threads over a year ago.

- Ma Strong

June 26, 2007
4:08 pm
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lettingo
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Life CAN and DOES get better but YOU NEED to take action. There is a great saying, if you want to keep feeling the same way, keeping doing the same thing. Or if Nothing changes Nothing Changes. The first time I came on here, maybe 7 months ago, I was still married to a man I loved but who was activily using and abusing drugs and alcohol. I have been to HELL and am on my way back, got involved in Alanon which I go faitfully, got a therapist and dug down deep and fought to get my life back. My divorce was final in March and I am finally started to feel content and somedays REALLY happy and hopeful. I had only been surviving for so long. I do sometimes miss my ex but his behavior made it impossible to stay. I know my leaving was hard on both of us but we were both dying by staying with each other. I feel at least we now have a change to get better. Unfortunately, he is in jail but maybe I should say fortunately. I do not know what path he needs to be on. Anyway,hang in there everyone and "BE TRUE TO YOURSELF".

June 26, 2007
6:12 pm
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I am UN_stuck..

I owe it all to this sight, this is a safe place to go and get answers to all questions with out any judgement from others, I love that you can read other posts to know that we are not alone in our struggles..

My life has changed, I am stronger, still hit those "Pot holes" but I know how to climb out a lot quicker than I did before..

Thanks AAC and all involved..

June 26, 2007
6:45 pm
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taj64
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My life has changed. I am alone and I am proud that I went through all my changes by myself and with help from my friends here. I am happy for the most part. I did not have to find someone else even though I tried a few times, dating. Im not perfect but I overcame some devastating experiences. Yet in some ways I am still stuck because i do still love my ex. Yet I wish him the best. I feel wonderful now and I do it all on my own and I am definatley independent as oppose to codependent. I realize that there are much more benefits to being alone and happy. Im grateful.

June 29, 2007
10:13 pm
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Rasputin
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I have changed a lot, thanks to the wonderful friends on this site. Just reading others' stories brought healing and health to me. Realizing that others are in the same boat, I really felt relieved.

I still struggles and even still think about that guy I was dating and obsessed about when I came here on Xmas 2004. I think about him, out of concern rather than having romantic feelings for him. I wish I could get his news...at least know how he's doing.

Thanks Nappy for this smart thread and it was pleasure meeting you!!!

June 30, 2007
12:28 am
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startingover
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Hi all

I am in a better place, much thanks to everyone here. This has been the most supportive group of people I have in my life. "Real-life people" (you know what I mean!) acted like I should have been over him sooner, and I wasn't ready to let go. No one here rushed me. I am going to be OK, and am definitely better and not stuck.

SO

June 30, 2007
12:57 am
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mamacinnamon
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I almost feel bad for posting, but here goes.

I am a long termer here. I brought another lady here to show her that there are others out there like her. She was in a bleak time and couldn't see any way out. Didn't think anyone would understand. She has also found a home here and I see much improvement in her.

Now me... I am most definitely a long long way from where I was when married to the evil x. That marriage ended in 1990. I was given the book then Codependency No More, by Melodie Beattie. I have gone thru and thru the book, and actually have 3 to 5 on hand to pass out to others in need.

1992 I married hubby 2. He lied to me about bein an addict so things have been a roller coaster ride w/ some really hairy turns until appx 4-5 years ago. (my sense of time is horrible, sorry). I then again caught him and I told him then I would leave him and he knows I always stand by what I say. Yes, an ultimatum, but one that had to be made. As far as I know he's not done it since. Are things better? Absolutely. I am starting to gain trust again.

Then my oldest daughter this year met a guy on match.com. w/n 2 months he was brought to the US. Long story extremely short... they have lied to us about what he did there in the way of schooling degree and job. He was to go back in 10 days and on day 8? I was informed they would be getting married in 2 days. Hubby and I went to her work and let her know we would ask the wedding be stopped if they went thru w/ it and asked that they just give it a little more time. Ok, they agreed. The wedding is now in July. He got an extension on his visa.

Since then my daughter was fretting about him bein able to get his money here so I asked if there was a problem. She went off on me asking how much money he had, which I did not, but she started painting me as the mom that just couldn't stand for her daughter to marry and be happy. Just another bunch of lies and BS that we have been fed since he's been here. I try to get to know him and everything is "none of my business". I have done so much research and things don't look good.

Ok, to keep it extremely short... Now that she is throwing her major tissy he won't speak to me. Great way to start a life. Hubby says he backs me but then questions me when they are not round. He's seen the sites and the consequences she is facing. His opinion is "not his problem". I am sorry, but I cannot just turn my back w/o doing what I can to keep her from ruining the rest of her life. Sounds melodramatic, but honestly, she is truly facing devastating consequences she'll never recover from.

Well, now that she's bein a witch to mom the youngest has developed an attitude and only wants to argue. My son who was jobless and homeless did find a job so we agreed to let him live w/ us to get back on his feet. Now he keeps pushing for his girlfriend to stay.

I know this is long, my apologies. I know I have come a long way, but at this moment the roller soaster is running full speed and it's gonna go flyin off the curve. I feel like I can do nothing right. At all times somebody is unhappy w/ me and lettin me know it. Even my mom, which really doesn't surprise me.

This is a fight. It is a hard fight. I try to stand for what I believe to be right and moral and I am bein beaten down from all sides. My health is even getting worse again. Not trying to whine here, honestly. Just wanted to say where I am. I know I am in the valley of death right now, but I will walk out the other side. I think; hope. I just don't know.

But for the new ones reading. YES I have made great strides, but there will be backslides and all you can do is keep standing and when the smoke clears you will be the one still standing. I do believe that.

June 30, 2007
12:40 pm
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courage to change
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Yes I have moved forward. I dont put up with SHIT from work, people, or friends. I VALUE only good people around me. I focus on giving GOOD PEOPLE around the attention they deserve. Today I feel ANGRY, but its positive, cause ive just reaffirmed my boundaries within my self. Im not an easy pushover. Halleluhaj x

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