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have to get this off my chest
November 2, 2006
1:27 pm
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codep
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I got this great job and moved out of bf's house "woohoo" I'm feeling pretty good, the problem I have is that I've been going out a lot with my new co-workers "drinking" and plum wearing myself down, that in and of itself is an issue that I'm cutting back on b/c It's becoming a problem. With that said, I have a secret that I cant tell anyone at work about and I need to get it off my chest.

One of the evening that we went out the director of our company came with us he is a pretty nice looking guy, recently divorced. Well I got pretty tipsy and after everyone else left it was just him and I.
We kind of mutually opened the door to something on a more personal level when we both admitted being attracted to eachother. Well, he walked me to my car and we made out for a good 15 minutes "nothing more" and then I got into my car feeling that "OMG what did I just do" even though we didn't take it any further than just a make-out session. We both kind of seemed uncomfortable with it considering our positions at work "I'm a lot lower level then he is" Well I rolled down my window and jokingly said "I better not be fired tomorrow" and he kind of laughed it off. We both agreed that it was a bad idea but it was just one of those things that happend and we would just kind of forget about it. Well I was so drunk that night I barely remember what was said so I wanted to talk to him about it and just clarify the situation b/c I dont want to lose a wonderful job that I just started over a drunk mistake. But when I did get the chance to discuss it he just kind of blew it off and stated "Well we already pretty much talked about it that night" So that was fine. Well we all went out again last night and I noticed him hitting on another co-worker of mine, I dont want to say that I am jealous but more concerned about who all he is soliciting in our company. Being in the position that he is he stands to lose a lot more then we. For the record I have pulled myself out of the situation, slapped myself on the hand and swore to myself that nothing like that would EVER happen again between him and I. I'm concerned for my co-worker now. He seems like he is just soliciting for sex, He actually tried to get me to go home with him that night we made out and I turned him down, He has been cordial with me since then but nothing like it was before. NOW I see him being flirty with her much like he was with me before the make-out session and I see her falling for it.
I dont know what to do without jeapordizing my job, and I dont want to get him in trouble either, but I feel like there's something shady going on that could really disrupt our department if it got out of hand....
Any suggestions?

November 2, 2006
1:34 pm
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CAMER
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i think all you can do is warn the other co worker that he hit on...since he is "higher up" in the corporate ladder, i myself, would just keep quiet and learn from this.
So what, you kissed him, no biggy, you both were drunk, but you learned not to go back to that kinda situation.

Maybe he is the kinda guy who likes to woo woman and sleep around and not get involved on an intimate level per say, at work and dating.

Good luck in your decision.

November 2, 2006
1:40 pm
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gracenotes
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I realy don't want to sound negative here, but, when it comes to work situations, even if they are social events, hold the liquor. Getting drunk in a social work setting is not too cool, and, the fact that you don't even remember much of what happened would be kind of scarey to me.

November 2, 2006
1:48 pm
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justhinking
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I agree with gracenotes when it comes to work situations, some are better left unsaid, especially when you were concerned it was simply like you said mutual with the kiss and the tipsy part of it all which plays a big role. When it comes to your coworker, whether you say something or not, well if you do say something, that means you just broke the secret within the office, which means risking loosing you job and if that is what you choose, so be it. On the other hand, I am sure your coworker is of age to figure it out as you did. To jeopardize him loosing his position because he is flirtasious, to me is alittle too much especially when all involved know what they are doing.
Good luck and hope it works out.

November 2, 2006
2:03 pm
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Shaney
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IMO, the director's behaviour isn't your business unless it directly concerns you. So, if I were you, I would stay completely out of this new situation, and just be thankful that your own situation with this guy didn't go any further. Being that this guy seems to make a habit out of trying to sack his employees, it's probably a pretty well know thing. And they're all adults there - who should know and expect the consequnces of their actions. You have no obligation or duty to save them. Worry only about yourself and steering clear of situations like this in the future. :o) Good luck

November 2, 2006
2:38 pm
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If he wants to give out the impression "I´m a sex driven pervert and I like to hit on my female co-workers in a lower rank" .. let him ... its none of your business (HE is not YOUR responsibility nor his genitals, ooops) ... unless he tries to harass, intimidate or force himself upon you. And ... if that other female co-worker wants to fall for him, just let her... BAM!BAM! (= she ... falling ... hard)... go eat an ice-cream. Look the other way. Concentrate on your new job activities. Or look for bugs in the toilet. Whatever.

so what I can pick up from you as I read between the lines ... is ... :"I slipped (but didn´t go with him to his home which he initially said he wanted ... and now I am kinda anxious ... because I didn´t comply ... that he will not take my "no" so relaxed as I might expect from someone in his position ... and ... well ... he might get back at me and make my life miserable ... or even get me fired".

1. HE clearly isn´t worrying over "your" anxiety to lose your new job ... he obviously isn´t the one being plagued by feelings of guilt or embarassment ... so ... why would you ? .. (he just wanted to get his way with you that nite ... and you felt ... what ... ?) or else he would have said something about it the day after your ´out-of-control´party.

2. if he had wanted to fire you - target "you", so to speak - he could by now have done so already ... and nothing has happened since ... SEE? ... so don´t get all worked up about anything ... clear your head ... your anxiety has power over "you" ... in your head ... turn that mental switch to "off" ... there is no "ground" for it in "reality" (no evidence whatsoever that your worries will turn - or have turned - into "fact"). And you are not going to create that "ground" for him either. At least I wouldn´t If I were you (smiling).

3. your "rescue remedy" : IF he wants to fire you, he can do so any time and any where REGARDLESS of what you do (or don´t do) ... say (or don´t say) ... to him. You don´t have the power (control) any outcome of (any of) his decisions. It doesn´t make any difference (to any outcome) whether you booze and get loose until dawn or worry yourself to death. Worrying about what happened is just a waste of energy and time. Your energy. Your time. Not his. What you can control... is .. your attitude ... towards yourself and him.

4.Making out with you didn´t cost him his job now, did it? So ... why would it cost you ... your job (besides, he´s more to "blame" than you for his inapproprate behavior precisely because he is the one who is placed in a higher rank and position of authority ...over you, too ... he should act as a leadership "role model" not you ...) - ?

5. if you do get in trouble because of your "making-out" with him, say you were just unexperienced and feeling vulnerable (off-balance) as a result of personal circumstances (bf etc).

Do some more partying. You sound like you need it.

But - whatever you do - stay clear from him.

Do party, but not with him or in his company. Stay out of trouble.

Pleeeezzzzzz ????????

November 2, 2006
2:39 pm
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taj64
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I would stay out. Assume that the other person knows what to do in that situation. But now that you saw what he is capable of, it is good idea not to pursue anything personal with him other than work related. He probablys says that same line to all the women, pretend like it doesn't happen. And you just broke up with someone, so you were vulnerable for anything when alone and somewhat attracted to somebody else. Usually when you meet a person and hook up with them right away, it is a sure bet that will be one of the few times that anything other than sex happens. Bars, drinking and hooking up, in that order, what you see is usually what you get. Im not trying to be crude. Concentrate on your healthy self for awhile. You'd be less likely to just hook up. Besides this man has probably been this way in this company for some times, and you are new so it is probably best to just let it go.

November 2, 2006
4:11 pm
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codep
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Thank you for all of the wonderful advice. I'll keep my eyes focused on my job and if and when I do hang out with them again, I'll minimize the drinks and stay completely platonic. Oh and I guess the other girl will figure things out for herself.... Thanks again 😉

November 2, 2006
4:14 pm
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taj64
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By the way, I think it is great you are out there socializing.

November 2, 2006
5:40 pm
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Hi codep, just a thought, but I am curious if you have thought to look around for OTHER women co-workers' expressions as he flirts with the new "prey" -- there's a good chance there was a girl before you also watching what he does 😮

November 2, 2006
6:15 pm
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gracenotes
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Another thought about work situations:

I tend to assume that anything I say or do at work will be communicated to at least one other person in the organization. Then, of course, the other person has the option of communicating as well.

November 2, 2006
6:28 pm
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StronginHim77
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Best policy: NEVER go out on drinking outings with coworkers under ANY circumstances. Keep your personal life separate from your professional life. I have seen many people ruin their futures with a company because word filtered back to the top that they drank too much.

Cover your butt. Don't give them anything to gossip about. Socialize ELSEWHERE.

November 3, 2006
1:36 pm
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sheila06
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I dont think you should get involved at all. It no longer concerns you and it could end up hurting your work situation. Warning her wont do any good because it might be something this co-worker is asking for. Different strokes for different folks. You dont want your business out there either so just turn the other cheek.

November 5, 2006
10:26 pm
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codep
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I actually was talking to another girl in our group and she confessed to me that he actually was hitting on her before me and she turned him down as well, so now as far as I know within our group he is on his 3rd girl attempt. Geez... I just completely lost so much respect for him. As long as we just keep it cordial and I do my job I think it will turn out alright. I want NOTHING personal to do with him anymore. I just hope "my situation" with him blows over and it doesn't make it's way around the office 🙁 Lets keep our fingers crossed...

November 6, 2006
6:53 am
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nvr2late
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codep...
yep...been there done that!
althought it went much farther and I am out of the department now.
good thing!

but, yes...they are out there!
and YES...they will keep doing it!

good for you, that you did not let it get any father than making out!
I give you credit, it is difficult to say NO in that situation.

the thrill of the chase.
they want it, they seem to get it.

it is too bad this man is going to ruin the respect he has in his position.
because he will.

and you can now see it, I hope that you know how to deal with this now...just don't drink with this man.
I had to learn the hard way!

and still learning to this day!

nvr

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