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have the best man that i can't love
July 6, 2007
12:55 pm
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dw2btwanymore
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I have been married for 12 years. I cannot remember ever being passionate about my husband. I married him because I was so terrible at love that i decided i just wouldn't fall in love anymore. I do love my husband. He is so good to me. And we have 2 wonderful children and he is good to them. All i ever wanted was a family (or so I thought). My life without passion has been hard.

I have had affairs with other men. I have been passionate each time and truly felt like i loved that person. I have wanted to leave my husband because it is right to let him go to find someone to love and who will love him too. I never want to hurt him, but i know that i do. We don't fight. We have little communication other than about the kids. We have little in common.

I am ashamed of having so much and feeling so sad. I know that so many people look for what i have in a husband and never find it. I feel guilty and scared all the time.

I am just ending another affair with someone I am so in love with. We have a lot in common. One of those things is that he is also married. He talks about his bad marriage and how awful it is at his house. He and his wife fight about so many things. He is however very into himself. Im afraid that may be what drew me to him in the first place, but now it just hurts. Now that i do have feelings for him.

I know that this message is rambling. This is my first message. Im hoping that I can find another way to cope with my life and my problems without looking for someone to make me feel better.

I am also looking for a way to learn to be "in love" with my husband. I don't expect a honeymooon all the time. i would just like to be the wife I should be to him. I cannot have sex with my husband. It hurts and almost makes me sick because it feels so wrong to be with him in that way. All i want is to be held and taken care of by him. And i know that is wrong.

July 6, 2007
1:34 pm
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StronginHim77
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dw -

You are a very wounded woman who deeply needs (and deserves) counseling and/or therapy. No. It is NOT normal to only feel safe expressing your physical passion via affairs, rather than with your own husband.

Get help. You CAN recover, but you need help to accomplish it. Otherwise, you are on a path of self-destruction.

- Ma Strong

July 6, 2007
4:41 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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I agree with Mastrong. her advice is always sound. Good luck to you

July 7, 2007
1:39 am
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fantas
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You can never learn to love your husband until you learn to love yourself. I agree with what has been suggested, you need to run not walk to a therapist. Does your husband know that you are cheating on him? Perhaps you can begin your new life by speaking that truth to him if he doesn't. Leaving him would probably be the most loving thing you can do for him right now, in my opinion. Have you considered attending sex addict anonymous? Might be a place to start for you. Keep posting. I really applaud you for having the courage to write your truth, such as it may be, here. Keep posting.

July 7, 2007
9:13 am
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dw2btwanymore
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My husband does know about one. It really isn't sex that i am addicted to. Seems more like something else. I realize i need therapy. Have been there before, but it didn't seem to help me.

Thank you for the advice and I will continue to look for ways to do better.

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