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Have found something that has been working......
November 3, 2006
12:18 pm
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truthBtold
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CLOSURE!!!!

I have realized that I have never really had closure with anything in my life - big or small.

Well, now - I am starting to just sit with my feelings long enough to feel the pain, disappointment, loss, etc...and it is helping.

I had a job interview Wednesday - and I aced it - only I had a problem with the scanty mileage reimbursement - so I asked if that mileage was "written in stone" - he said that he needed some kind of a chart or something to refer to - which he didn't have, but would put in a call to his supervisor to find out and would try to get me a better rate....and that I would know tonight.

He actually gave me a "new hire packet" to fill out (something he said that he doesn't normally do - since they had someone else to interview for the same job) He also gave me his card with his number, my supvr # and the number for the Home Office and voice mail system.... I felt I had it, pending some negotiations on the mileage.

Well, I got the call that they decided to go with the other(non "rock-the boat?")applicant.

I was disappointed - but glad that I stood my ground above all!

I negotiated a starting salary for more money (which I got) from a former employer and found out later that the person who hired me said he had a lot of respect for me for negotiating a higher salary.

Anyway, I have sat with the feelings about this whole situation long enough to actually realize some closure and keep reminding myself that I went the "higher road" in determining MY OWN value. I didn't settle and that makes me feel good - even though I REALLY need a job!

I am starting (little by little) to address everything and anything else in my life with the closure that it so warrants...but I have been procrastinating for years.

Just thought I would share my story.

November 3, 2006
2:30 pm
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truthBtold
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Wow - I can't believe that there have been 28 or so responses to other posts since I first posted this thread without so much as ONE feedback from anyone?

Makes me wonder why no one wants to know what is working in my life?????

Are most of you primarily interested in just venting about problems rather than encouraging someone whom has had a break-through?????

November 3, 2006
2:35 pm
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taj64
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Sorry I did read this but didn't really know what to say.Im more used to trying to cheer up! Anyway, if it is meant to be the right job, it will be. It is like buying a house when someone else beats you to it. The best house always comes along, no matter what the competition is. You roeally do not know what their reason is, maybe that other person rocked the boat more than you, who knows but they picked someone else and that is ok and the way you handled it is great. Sometihng else will come up. Patience is a virtue, supposedly.

November 3, 2006
3:03 pm
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truthBtold
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Thanks taj64 for your response!!!!

No need at all for apologies.

I felt that I really went out on a limb by standing firm in what I believe my own value to be and was looking for words of encouragement because of the risk that I took - and the inevitable consequences whcih goes along with that.

Thanks for your comments on the way that I handled it was "great."

I do appreciate that....sincerely.

November 3, 2006
5:03 pm
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mj
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Thanks for sharing your Story! It helps to take good care of yourself. If we believe we are worthwhile then we get to ask for what we are worth.

Closure is an interesting concept that I rarely hear talked about. In the grieving process closure is the same as acceptance.

November 3, 2006
5:19 pm
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jastypes
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Thanks for sharing!

November 3, 2006
5:33 pm
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veggiemom
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Hello truth...I think the hard thing is learning to--as you said "sit with the feelings long enough to feel the pain..."

For me, I know I have spent my whole life avoiding feeling the pain and I think that's why I am stuck; not ready or brave enough to walk through the pain, deal with it, and come out the other side. That's how you get closure (as you have discovered)

So, I think the fact that you have taken that step is awesome and definitely not a small thing!!!

November 3, 2006
5:35 pm
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truthBtold
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YES! YES! YES! The very idea of "CLOSURE" is indeed a rarely talked about concept here...and - as you said..in the grieving process..the same as acceptance.

I am so surprised that this thread has not elicited more response.

Makes me really wonder just how many of us are really out there to try and move beyond our own circumstances...and how many just want a witness to validate our own "stuckness" and victimness....NOT to be confused with finding the CAUSE of something and then moving on...versus the "Blame Train" whcih never goes anywhere but around and around the same ole....(like Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon lyrics.)

I am truly disappointed.

I would have thought that there would have been much more "forward-thinking" - "tired of being a victim" status individuals thatn there are on posting on this site.

Sorry if I pissed anybody off.....I just thought that the majority of "us" were REALLY LOOKING for ways to get beyond our own dramas....and GET ON with this process called "Life!!!!"

November 3, 2006
5:39 pm
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turnabout
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Here's the great thing about recognizing you're own value ... it doesn't matter whether anyone else does. They're failure to do so becomes THEIR problem, and you can leave it to them, moving on to people who DO recognize your value.

And that's exactly what you did here, truthB.

When someone rejects us, they aren't really telling us anything about ourselves as we often think, but ARE telling us an awful lot about THEM. And the company that turned you down was telling you that they want someone more easily manipulated that they can bleed dry of the person's resources without giving back in kind. So, you did yourself a bigger favor than you probably even realized. By recognizing your own value, you probably saved yourself from getting sucked into a potentially abusive environment. And I worked for a couple of these places, letting them suck ME dry. Believe me, you did yourself a HUGE favor. Give yourself a hearty pat on the back!

November 3, 2006
5:43 pm
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truthBtold
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veggiemom,
my ressponsew posted before your post. Thanks for being so honest.

Yep. Closure ain't easy.

The bottom line is that we jusat HAVE to walk through the pain!!!!

Ain't no ifs and ands about it!

Can't "rationalize ourselves" through the pain....hell - that just makes it worse.

Yep. The old addage I heard once that....what you resist...WILL PERSIST.

Ain't no fricking two ways about it.....(Belive me - I've looked...it ain't there!!!!)

Bottom line is - if we truly....I mean TRULY want to reliquish ourselves from all of this God Damned pain...we had best be ready to master the storm of our own emotions....and know...that - indeed..and In Deed...that we WILL come out triumphant...in the end of this ficking, fracking, God Forsaken, rocky road!!!!

November 3, 2006
5:49 pm
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truthBtold
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Thanks turnabout....you described my actions and intent completely.

I appreciate your vote of understanding and confidence from the very bottom of my heart!!!!!

Yes - their unwillingness to even try and meet my self proclaimed idea of acceptance shows more about them -then me.

Thank You!!!!!

November 3, 2006
5:58 pm
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turnabout
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Btw... it also shows how little they think of themselves... that they aren't worth the kind of employee who will set high standards for themselves and expect the same from others.

November 3, 2006
6:01 pm
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truthBtold
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turnabout,
yep. As hard as it may be - in times like these - we actually,,,be it directly and indirectly actually give others the EXAMPLE of how real business might be conducted when we respect ourselves and our own sense of accomplishments!

November 3, 2006
8:37 pm
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gracenotes
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truthBtold,

Good for you for standing your ground on this. I always like to think...when one door opens, another and better door opens. This probably was not for you. Who knows, maybe you will get a call in the future for the salary and other negotiating points you wanted, that is, if you don't find that better job by then.

A little trivia about mileage too. I don't claim mileage with my employer, its a better deal to claim it on my income tax form.

November 7, 2006
6:02 pm
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truthBtold
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Hi Gracenotes,
Well guess what? I got a call today and they offered more mileage reimbursement (60% more) and I took the job.

I was told that other interviewers had an issue regarding the mileage as well.

Thanks to all for your support and responses!!!! 🙂

November 7, 2006
6:11 pm
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mj
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Congratulation on your new Job!

November 7, 2006
6:20 pm
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truthBtold
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Thanks! It's not what I really want to do in life - but, my gosh..it is something for now.

I have learned through this whole agonizing process the notion that is perhaps prodding me towards a direction where I will be able to make a living off of my talents and passions...and will be able to now - work towards that direction as a "side-line" now that I don't have the incredible stress of providing myself with food, clothes and shelter for now.

Whew!!!!! Hard lesson...but it didn't break me...and as all of us know...that which does not kill us makes us stronger!!!!

November 7, 2006
6:36 pm
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SingleBeachDad
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APLAUSE!!! to you truth.

SBD

November 7, 2006
6:39 pm
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turnabout
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Wonderful news, truthB! So happy for you! And to think, if you hadn't stood your ground, eh?

November 7, 2006
6:40 pm
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truthBtold
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SBD.....BIG SMILE.....Thanks!!!!!!

I am pretty proud of myself right now - if I do say so myself!!!!!

Thanks for the encouragement 🙂

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