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Hate
February 19, 2001
6:26 am
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Sick to death
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About 4 months ago, I've broken away from this a girl who was my first love and trust. I poured my effort and emotions into her, and cared for her, more than anyone else that I have ever cared for in my life. Our relationship was very shaky particularly becuase she never really like me as a boyfriend, but she only liked me because I made her feel very special about herself. In some sense, she was using me for emotional comfort and company. There was alot of arguments and fights becuase she was never honest with me on so many occaisions. She had a very horrible habit of lying to just to get what she wants. It was horrible between us becuase she very unfair to me in so many ways. Lying and cheating me on several occaisions. And she is never apologetic, she never have sympathy for the pain that I go through because I like her so much. The point is, it's all over now.. but the feeling still stays inside me. I have this hatred towards her that I cannot get rid of simply because she was never regretful of what she did to me. She lives the next day as if there wasn't a yesterday. And I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of feeling that someone has robbed me of my soul and that each day that goes by.. when thoughts of her comes to mind, I get so angry taht I want to hurt myself. I just dont know how to remove these hateful thoughts. I just dont understand why someone can be so cruel to me when I've done nothing but try to make her happy. I dont know how to control my anger and hatred towards her. Please help me. It just hurts so much.

February 19, 2001
9:15 am
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pg lova
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Sick to death,

Take it from me, I know what you're going through. I had a girlfriend to do the exact same thing to me. In fact, your situation is the replay of my life so to speak. Listen, don't let it bring you down. At first it will seem as though you have a lot of animosity, but take it from me, it doesn't help you. one, it's unhealthy, two, it won't change what happened. I would suggest that you do what I do when I'm angry, I call God and ask Him to step in. See, no matter what girlfriend may come and go, God will come and never go. Jesus Christ is who I'm in love with because He died on the cross so that I may have a right to the tree of life. Now, as I go, I want to leave you with a bible verse that always helps me go thru hard times: "Finally my brethren, put on the full armor of God, so that in the day of evil you may take your stand and having done everything you can to stand. So, sick to death, you've done all that you can, now you just stand and endure it, God has a purpose and He will bring you thru. If you ever need to talk to me , or for me to pray for you, just e-mail me at [email protected]

God Bless U & Take Care,

PG Lova

February 19, 2001
12:18 pm
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Cici
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Heya SD -

I can totally, completely and utterly relate to what you're saying.

2 years ago, at age 19, I had a boyfriend who stayed with me often in my house, which I shared with my best friend (who I'd known since I was 9) and snother friend, a guy, who hadhis own girlfriend.

After almost catching them a few times and denying it to myself, I went away for a week and came back to a break-up NOTE taped to my door. He had moved into my house, but down the hall into my bestfriend's room. I could HEAR them. It was torturous, and I was filled with this terrible rage that took almost 9 months to burn out. I did a lot of childish, stupid things then that I regret now.

YOU are the bigger person - you will have a fuller, happier life because you have the capacity to love deeply, something that very few people actually have.

This girl used you - so what? Her loss. She's a user, she'll always find some way to manipulate people to do what she wants, but she'll always be empty inside.

The best revenge you can get is to be bigger, better, and happier because you know that you are a great person, who feels things deeply.

What I did was to write a long letter to both the people in my situation. I wrote about what I did for them, in detail, and what they did in return. I wrote about how I felt, what I hoped for them (ha ha - VERY bad things) and I told them that even if they forget about me, they will always know that they are nothing and they never will be anything.

Start a journal and just spew out whatever you're feeling. Let it all out. Go to a deserted place and bring something you can smash and just let it all go.

Learn how to meditate. It's a great way to get perspective on life, and learn how to be emotionally objective. You learn to feel emotions, but not to be so affected by it.

It took a year, but i finally felt better.

Good luck, keep us posted.

February 20, 2001
2:59 am
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nkm
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Sick to death-

You seem like a nice guy. Please don't think that from now on every girl you meet will be like her cause we are not all like that.

Break up it VERY hard, but it happends and it just has to be delt with. Don't go hurting yourself cause you hate her. She is not worth it. You need to move on. Make her see you don't need her... cause you don't. Yo are a better person for trying to help her. It is her lost. not Yours. She did you a favor by moving on. you were to good for her. Do you know how many girls are looking for guys like you... you are about I say 5 in a million... those are not good odds...

Writing is a good thing. everytime you think of her and have these feeling write it down, address it to her. I am not saying give it to her. you can if you want. But the thing is to get it all out. getting it out helps more then you know. and sometimes talking to someone (even people you don't know) helps too cause they don't know you and or her. and there are no sides to be picked, and honesty is spoken.

Just whatever you do DON'T HURT YOURSELF she is NOT worth it.

God helps, listens and heals... leave the problem of her at his feet and move on he'll fix it.

Take care,

nkm

February 20, 2001
12:24 pm
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sdavid
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Well for me...I was 17 when I got ivolved with some one and we lasted four years. My family and I aren't very close so his family became mine. I moved in and well i was basically married. I'm not going to lie, after a couple of years I started to be very jelouse and controlling. I feel that he made me become that person.

I remember one break up (trust me there was alot of those) I got down on my knees crying for him not to leave me and he did not care. I didn't understand why he didn't want to be with me any more. I put up alot with him and even lived with him and his family suffering. I mean I love his family but they thought differently. I believed that if two people worked full time jobs that the cooking and chores should be shared. Of course I always cooked but to serve him in bed and clean up after him and also prepare his lunch for the next day was a little too much. I wasn't receiving any thing I paid all my bills. His mom use to say that women shouldn't go out (clubing) but the men can do what ever they wanted).

He would go out and not come home I mean it was just terrible. It wasn't like that at first. He and his uncles would drink every weekend the house would be full. I never had any privacy. So finally I moved out. Yeah, I was still with him hoping that he would move in. Never did he mention moving in. I kept the apartment for a year than decided to move in with my mom and my brother so I can save money.

I feel like I'm just going on and on but I can't really express how I feel. Living with my family is so hard for me because there are so many bad thing my family and I have gone through and I have so much hate for them and they don't even know it. I try not to show it but it's burning inside.

The only person I had was him. Now who do I turn to when I need to hug someone? I have alot of friends but there's nothing like hugging some one you love and them hugging you back telling you everything is ok.

There are times I feel very lonely but I'm not going to force myself to be with someone when deep down inside I still love this person.

I know for sure I'm not going to be with him any more because I'd rather suffer alone than suffer because of some one else. I honestly think that I was just use to him instead of loving him.

My question is how do I move on? I try to date but I always have the worst times. I've never been with anyone but this person. Maybe I'm just so use to him.
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