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Hate to be alone
June 8, 2007
5:00 pm
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STUPID003
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September 29, 2010
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One of my biggest issues is not wanting to be alone. All that I love to do in this life is much funner with a partner and some of the things I like to do just are not safe to do alone, ie, boating, camping, etc. I have settled and lowered my standards to be with someone because being alone is too hard. I know Im doing it, I am trying to find a healthy relationship, but healthy people are really hard to find. Please Help.

June 8, 2007
7:55 pm
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Rasputin
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September 30, 2010
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Stupid~

No you're not stupid. In fact, you're quite Smart to ask these questions. I wish if you have chosen another name other than this.

We all feel lonely. Looking at the bright side, this is a time for preparation to become a better human being for the right mate. I agree with you, it is really HARD to find healthy smart people from both genders. So you're not alone in your struggles and frustrations.

For the time being, I would recommend you to invest in some good books such as "Love is a choice" by...Robert Hemfelt??? Frankly, I haven't read this book yet; but someone recommended it here and am pretty sure it is a good book for someone who is looking for love with the right person. Also, there are support groups such as CODA meetings & 12 steps that can help you in your journey.

Welcome hon, hang in there. Who knows Mr. Right could come along any time. Just stay Optimistic & smile!!!

June 8, 2007
8:02 pm
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fantas
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I can't even type your name...Ras is right, you are not stupid. It's human to want to be with others. I think it's important to enjoy your own company before you can really enjoy being with another person. I am the opposite of you, I love being by myself and I have a very hard time giving up my space. I don't think I am any healthier because I too need to learn to enjoy sharing my space. I think there is a happy medium. I understand settling for relatonships that are not good enough for you for whatever reason. Use this time to learn about yourself and what being around you is like. Do you go to therapy or any support groups?

June 8, 2007
8:26 pm
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sad sack
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September 24, 2010
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Hi! I'm with the previous two respondents - please change your name. Don't degrade yourself like that!

I do believe you are not alone in your fear of being alone. I do think you need to love and enjoy yourself and find happiness within before you go searching for someone to fill that need. And I always say if you can't enjoy your own company, how can you expect someone else to enjoy being with you. Yes, I agree there are some activities that are more fun when done with more than one individual. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy being by yourself in other acitivities. I am similar to Fantas in that I really love being by myself and I definitely need my space. I could never be with someone who believes in constant togetherness. I find that smothering.

I don't have the answers. Perhaps, a therapist could explore this fear with you. Your first task is to give yourself a more positive screen name. No more negative remarks! I bet you have wonderful qualities. Focus on those. I'll bet you'll see that you are quite capable of having a good time by yourself.

Sad Sack

June 9, 2007
8:21 am
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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could you make friends of the same sex, who you can have companionship for these outings?

I mean, why would it have to be someone of the opposite sex?

Making friends of all kinds would open you up to greater possibilities.

Also, I know some states/areas have singles groups that do outings, like beach parties, hiking, biking, camping and traveling...not for purpose of meeting partners, but for the purpose of having fun together, without the stigma of being single.

Also, you mention "safety" as a concern, IE boating. I think if you boated in a populated area, boating alone would be perfectly safe...and perhaps you would meet people once there.

If you camp at a campground, again, you would meet people, and perhaps then could venture out to "real" camping in the wilderness with your new friends.

I think it's all what you make of it. And if there is a will, there is a way.

We all want to be loved, we all want companionship....but first we have to be comfortable in our own skin, with ourselves...so we don't appear needy, and attract unhealthy partners.

Once we are in a healthy spot ourselves, we attract the same.

They say opposites attract, but I am starting to believe that like attracts like is more common.

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