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hate to admit this.......alicat
May 24, 2006
9:17 pm
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Anonymous
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but gonna suck it up and start meetings again.

gonna try to find a local meeting - perhaps al-anon - there is one locally for adult children of alcoholics.

I hate to admit, but looking back, my last four relationships were with addicts - whether it be alcohol, drugs, work, internet, etc....most were fighting more than one addiction.

I have my own "vices" - but they aren't hurting anyone....and I am working hard to control them.

Now I have to learn how to find a real guy with NO addictions, and to walk away from the ones in the past.

not sure if I should do the coda meetings again, since they are so damn far away....but gonna start on church again too.....I need the support.

May 24, 2006
9:22 pm
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lollipop3
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(((Ali,)))

I understand how you feel. I have fallen into this TRAP once again
(and it ended badly tonight....AGAIN).

I have been doing my Alanon reading daily but I also really need to get back to my actual meetings.

I'm with you my friend.

Love,
Lolli

May 24, 2006
9:27 pm
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never considered al-anon as right for me....but when I realize that I have all the symptoms of an adult child of an alcholic and deal with my dad every day....yeah, maybe I need the support and guidance.

I am not actively trying to change anyone, but on some level, I keep holding out some stupid hope that erich will turn his life around....and come racing back to me.

I need to get over this foolish notion and what better way to do it than to be with people who understand?

May 24, 2006
10:51 pm
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I was thinking of how it would be like to attend meetings online for addiction with computers! funny. heh.

I think I'm also addicted to computers. oops

Support would be good, alicat, It'll help to talk to people. I did the Depressed Anon group when I was real down, but I'm keeping the "token" in my pocket incase I need to go back. You could attend a few meetings and you dont have to attend every, just whenever you feel you need the support.

May 25, 2006
5:19 am
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revelation
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Ali...I'm going to start a thread about why we go for losers...driving in the car last night...I had a light-bulb moment. I know there are others here who can help us!!!

Rev.

May 25, 2006
7:42 am
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Mordrin
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Hey, easy on the internet junkies. (wink)

alicat, you just might want to refocus on your vices, you know the ones that are not hurting anyone?
It is possible that they may be,in part, a basis for some of your continuing problems.

Fallin' for dudes with addictions is something you need to address with a professional as this course of action is destructive. If you do need support groups...go. Don't come up with reasons not to go. Think about how you really want your like to be and walk in that direction.

May 25, 2006
8:35 am
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Hi Ali, I can totally relate to that one. Every guy I have fallen for has had an addiction and serious ones. My husband the drug/alcoholic, and several other boyfriends and seems the married dude I fell in love for is a sex addict. Damn I cannot get it right for anything! Being raised by addicts didnt help either. And now my sis is alcoholic. Oh brother. I've been through life the most insecure person. Now would you not figure in past 2 weeks, 2 guys are calling me, out of the blue, but both seem relatively healthy, no addictions but then again I don't know. The problem is that Im worried about my own self because of my insecurity, I feel I am a love addict. Through my life I have gotten attached to a few, no not every guy that comes along, but a few and when I do, I get needy and insecure and well codependent. it is what led me to this site. Anyway I completey understand and feel for you. You are doing the right thing. I know for me, I need to go to these types of meetings, etc. I think it would benefit me. In the meantime, I personally feel you have done amazing with yourself. You've been quite successful with just YOU and all it will take is that one special guy to come along and you will realize that he is the one. I know you have struggled with your relationship with Erich but in time you will not hurt so bad and you are going to be just fine. I read your letter to him on the post. I think it was great to write it and write out those feelings. Just be careful not to let him get drawn in to you so you stay on the right track, and that is freedom from a guy hurts you. You doing so great Ali! Have a good day. TAJ

May 25, 2006
10:56 am
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thanks guys.

I think that the reality is - I couldn't see the addictions at first.....they are so damn good at hiding it....it doesn't show up until you are spending more time with them, and by then, you are invested, and don't want to give up hope.

I need to learn to spot the warning signs, if any, ahead of time.

erich's not being divorced was a dead giveaway....should have ran then....but I trust too easily....he said he would do it, I believed it....the addictions really didn't become clear until recently....because they always changed....and because it came and went....doug did not drink when we were first together....but went back to it once we were comfortable together....got worse as sime wore on, he tried to quit several times but I wasn't very supportive of his attempts and he was trying to quit for the wrong reasons....sam was a pothead, but had stopped for a while....went back to it after we were comfortable together....and danny wasn't around alot - behaviour was erratic, but wasn't until after we broke up that I found out about his drug use, but only through newspaper articles about his activities.....

so, I am used to "erratic" behaviour cuz of my dad....and used to "emotionally unavailable"....I just need to learn to see it SOONER, rather than later.

I won't get sucked back in with erich....I have too much to lose now....lost alot, don't have much left to lose....can't afford to go back to start....

if erich (or any of the guys) cleaned up their acts, they would be ideal for me....but sometimes the problems are bigger than they are equipped to handle or want to handle...and I understand that no amount of love is gonna change them....I did my own work at recovery....they have to do their own.

I still have love in my heart for both erich and doug....but I want the love they give back to me to be equally as big, and their efforts to match mine.

someday I will find the guy that makes me feel like the princess....that makes me feel like I am in the tv or movie romances, and NOT the soap operas......I want to be adored.....is that so much to ask?????

May 25, 2006
12:45 pm
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Oh dear. (Tugging on t-shirt that reads: INTERNET JUNKIE)

- Strong

May 25, 2006
9:19 pm
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I have belief that Ali will find her soulmate.

May 28, 2006
11:34 pm
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ali is sad and lonely tonight.

erich wrote her an email on friday, explaining some of the things he is doing and will do to turn his life around....

ali admits she got sucked in a little.

but one trip to his myspace shows why she isn't with him.....and that some things haven't changed.....

ali is lonely tonight....missing him.....missing their time together.

really wonder how long this pain is going to last......

May 28, 2006
11:43 pm
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(((Ali)))

The pain lasts as long as we allow it to. Meaning the longer we keep buying into their "stuff", the farther from recovery we are.

Time to FACE that PAIN with all of the boldness you have, and BEAT IT DOWN!! Don't let it win! It's true that you do have to allow yourself to feel all of the pain, because it is part of the process. BUT, you don't have to allow it to overstay its welcome!

I know it can be very lonely, but sometimes lonliness is a blessing in disguise!

Right now, I might be thankful for being lonely. Because who knows how tonight might have been, if we were still together? Maybe tonight would have been the night that he had some big bomb to drop on me! Or maybe tonight would have been that really heated and hurtful arguement that was coming to a head! Or worse yet, maybe TONIGHT would have been the night when his XW would have made one of her unexpected BLASTS into town, to stir up the crap and move on, leaving "us" to settle the dust! Maybe I would have only WISHED to be "lonely"!! THANK GOD, I AM LONELY, right now!! 😉

Just my take, Ali!! Love ya'...

Jen

May 28, 2006
11:48 pm
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1lost1
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(((ali)))

May 29, 2006
11:50 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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((((ali))))

I'm sorry you're hurting.

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