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hate sex, love sex
March 15, 2006
5:38 pm
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Walnut
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September 29, 2010
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Three issues really, and I get confused over what to try and deal with:

Last November I was raped. I still say it wasn't much of a big deal because I'd been having one-night-stands with guys I don't particularly like for years. But is it? Do I have to deal with this or was it just a one-liner?

The March before, my doctor sent me to a psychologist to see if she could work out why sex had gotten so physically painful I avoid it, and relationships - psychologist asked me "Did anyone ever touch you inappropriately as a child.." - surprised me into "Yes, but he stopped before I was 9, I barely remember it"

I really used to love sex, and I really need to have sex with someone. But I am also aware it will hurt, and i'll then avoid the guy. It's even worse when I love the person involved, because I want to make love with him despite the pain, AND I feel guilty saying no, so I just pretend it doesn't hurt, and get into real pain. Stoopid.

My psychologist has retired. What do I do, find a new one? I have worked through all I can remember of what happened as a kid with her. The only thing to do is heal. How?

March 15, 2006
5:53 pm
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loverbee
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I would definitely find a new psychologist. You should schedule a preliminary appt with a few people so that you can find one that you really click with. As far as the painful sex goes, it may not be just psychological. I would check yourself out with a gynecologist just to make sure everything is ok. As far as the rape, you may not have been emotionally scarred with it. I was raped anally as a child and everyone always said to deal with it and then once I did, they kept telling me too and i was like "I'm over it." I didn't know how else how make them understand but to be honest it doesn't matter if they think you need to deal, if you don't you don't. Just listen to your heart and head and you will be ok. I have faith. Hope this helps.

Loverbee

March 16, 2006
2:45 am
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Walnut
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Thanks, Loverbee. I was checked by a gynecologist, a couple of times actually, because I couldn't believe it wasn't something physical.
I guess my real question is, can you change the way you think? My fantasies are what really disturb me because they've always been along the lines of what happened to me, it arouses me, and I was always a bit disturbed but just thought it was a private fantasy, only now I know why, I hate it, it's repulsive. I am trying to break out of it and think along different lines, but has anyone ever managed it? I guess counselling may help but I can't actually imagine saying this aloud.

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