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Has anyone overcome depression?
July 19, 2006
8:14 pm
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tmv1109
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Hello all,
I went to the doctor today and was diagnosed with moderate depression. (May even be clinical depression) My doctor gave me three must haves to start, excercise for 15 minutes a day, counseling (which I have just started again) and a low dose of celexa. I feel some relief to know that maybe now hope has come to new, wonderful life. My concern however, is the medication. I am scared of it because it effects chemicals in the brain, and is it possible to become addicted to this? I truly don't want that. Also, will there ever come a time when I can come off of the medication and feel good?
Thanks all and God Bless.

TMV

Many hugs sent out to my old friend Zinny. 🙂

July 19, 2006
8:50 pm
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lovinglife
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Me, me, me- yes, yes, yes, depression can be overcome and its sounds like your doctor has given you some sound advice to get you on your way.

As far as someday being off the meds-it all depends on what is causing your depression- is it environmental or a chemical imbalance... and how much are you willing to do... how much are you willing to learn about depression.... and exercise- MAJOR depression lifter.

I know of some people who will always have to have meds and others who are able to take care of themselves enough so they don't need the meds-and thats hard work- figuring out what makes you feel good, what you need to do to keep yourself well etc.

And you'll find out once it gets better where you fit into the scheme of things and DONT stop taking your meds until the doc says- "Yeah, now would be a good time!" My son is on anti-depressants (he is a 22 yr old veteran) anyway- a month ago he thought the meds weren't working so he quit taking them-the reason why he thought they weren’t working was because he was going through a time of high stress- remodeling his house- anyone would feel more stress than normal. When I realized he was acting ‘different’ that’s when he said- ‘Oh, I quit taking my meds, do ya think…” I was like YES I think silly. Just because you’re on meds doesn't mean your going to quit feeling- you’re still going to ‘feel’ normal emotions. He’s back on his meds now. Very common that people will quit taking them because they think their better (yeah- hello- it’s the meds!) or they don’t think their working because maybe the still cry on occasion or feel down- and that’s normal. Its crying everyday, feeling down everyday that’s not normal.

Oh and one more thing- many, many peoples lives have been saved because of meds.

July 19, 2006
8:58 pm
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tmv1109
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Dear Lovinglife,
Wow! Thank you for that thread, and your support. Indeed I am looking forward to more sunny days, and yet, it is really good to know I will still have all the emotions life brings! Also, I never knew how important excercise was for a persons mind. I always thought it was more about looking good, and well, keeping your blood pressure down! I am looking forward to healing myself and thank you so much for your kind words. The love and support this site gives others is truly a gift. Thank you, 🙂

TMV

July 19, 2006
9:35 pm
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I am on medication - and I have done support groups, and therapy and I am eating better, and plan to exercise to get healthier.

BUT - I will not deny myself the medication if it helps me function in a better capacity.

anti-depressants aren't "addictive" per se....but your body does come to rely on them, and you need to take them consistently on a same schedule for the maximum benefit....you can't take when you feel shitty and not take them when you feel well....and you can't go off them cold turkey either....it's important to "dose down" off of them.

Trust your doctor - and see what happens - don't let fear of dependency ruin your opportunity for TRUE HAPPINESS.

many depressions can be "cured" with exercise and cognitive therapy - but many depressions are caused by chemical imbalances, and proper diet and exercise will "help" but may not be "enough".

July 19, 2006
10:04 pm
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sdesigns
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I've had serious depression twice. Once was during an extremely difficult work situation that ended in a lawsuit against my employer. And the other time was after I split w/ my exbf. Couldn't eat, sleep or function- dropped lots of weight, wanted to die, no energy, completely listless and hopeless. Both times I took meds (Paxil and Xanax) and eventually came out of it. Also went to a therapist during the work situation. Its not immediate, but I did get out of it. Good luck. SD

July 19, 2006
10:51 pm
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Thank you all, lots of hugs being sent your way. 🙂 I am hearing you all and am taking this seriously, I don't want to be sad or scared anymore. I am pretty sure I had suffered from depression way back when I was around the age of 14 or 15. Then in my early twenties, it lessened some, but it was still there, peaking it's head out. It definately hit me when I went through a bad break with my old boyfriend. I loved him very much, still do, yet he was, and I am pretty sure, is suffering his own demons. (drugs, and possibly a mental disorder) Anyways, it was a pretty tough time for me, and this site was a comfort to me back then, and still remains to be. I haven't "recovered" so to say since I split with my boyfriend, and that was, two years ago, I can't even believe it has been that long. But it has come to the point where I KNEW I had to do something and see someone about this. Turns out, it is depression that requires treatment. I can't believe all those years that have past that I struggled through. My mother use to always, and still does, not believe in anyone being depressed and that it is just people feeling sorry for themselves. The funny thing is, sometimes I think she has a form of it, yet you can't talk to her about it!

Thanks all, and God Bless.

TMV

TMV

July 19, 2006
11:15 pm
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lovinglife
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Nope- depression is a very very real thing- god do I know. It can sometimes result from bad choices (in my case) but regardless where it stems from its nasty, nasty stuff when it sets in. Dig up some articles for your mother when you're feeling better-or now to get yourself feeling better!! The key to many things in life is gaining the knowledge. There is an actual change in the brain and within our bodies when depression sets in.

So happy to hear that you are on meds!! It takes a little bit to kick in, sometimes there are adjustments to the meds- but soon you being feeling alot better. Oh I got to go to bed (been saying this all day). But when we become an advocate for ourselves- our healing, our recovery and all that jazz becomes so much better-

July 19, 2006
11:53 pm
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hmmm. good days and bad days. yesterday was a good day. Today, not terrible, but not great. Avoiding triggers, doing the things that make me happy. Yesterday, I thought it was all figured out. Today, I am exhausted, because I overdid it yesterday on not enough rest. Even low levels of dep can be miserable. Even situational dep can be miserable...I think I let my situation go on too long before doing something about it that minor triggers became too much. I don't know the answer to your question. How about taking it one day at a time?

July 19, 2006
11:59 pm
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When I was in my 20's, my husband of 4 years left me and our newborn baby for another woman. I sank into a deep depression. the doctor put me on librium which helped me through the acute depression. It numbed me and cushioned the hideous pain.
After awhile, I think I got addicted on the librium {psychologically, not physically), because it made me feel so wonderful. I was very upset when my doctor said I did not need it anymore. I had been on it for many months and it had become a crutch.

I learned to live without the meds. I reached out to friends and made new friends and built a new life.

As the years have gone by, depression is still a visitor to me. It is not severe...but it drags me down, I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, I feel sad and down for no reason. But I have learned to get rid of it by walking 30 minutes every day, dancing, being active. By stimulating my mind with reading, etc. And by eating a piece of Dove's dark chocolate. Ha!

I think many women suffer from depression. I do the above things when I feel it clouding my life. And it always goes away.

Use the medicine for a time...but if there is not a physical reason for your depression...then I think yu should get off the medicine as soon as you think you can. Talk to your doctor about it. And try the exercise, etc. and other ways to stop the depression. Try to figure out how to get high on life instead.

You are not alone. Keep reaching out for answers. They are there.

July 20, 2006
10:40 am
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tmv1109
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Thanks all,
The information you all are supplying is so very helpful, and comforting. I am going to be going out to do some walking this morning, I just need to make myself get up and do it. Pretty silly when all we are talking about is taking a walk outside and I am having a hard time doing that. I really like how you both said to avoid the triggers and getting active. I am going to do those. It's hard, especially when some of those triggers are the people in our lives. I just moved to this area a year ago, and although I was born and raised here, I left several years ago to start a new life. So when I returned, I was under the assumption I was starting a life with this man, who, as soon as I returned home, basically turned on me. Kills me because this was someone I have known for eight years and I trusted completely. He still comes around time to time, wanting to go to counseling, and insisting everything is for the most part my fault. (It's not, it's the fact he lied to me about a women in his life for eight years, and that as soon as I returned home here, he acted like he hated everything about me from the way I talked to the way I dressed to the way I thought, to my family. ( all these things by the way he ALWAYS seem to love, until I moved back here).

Another stressor in my life is a guy I was once engaged to, nearly 10 years ago. We were so young, just out of high-school basically, and he really liked to go to bars and drink. Long story short, I wasn't going to deal with that. He still tells me to this day he loves me, the problem is that he is so much more into drinking, he is definatley an alcoholic and would love to spend time with me, if I go out to the bars with him. If he has a choice between having dinner at my house and watching a movie, or going out drinking at a bar somewhere, he always takes the bar. So, that kind of stinks. And it is very stressful when he yells at me because of whatever maybe going on in his life. People giving him a hard time, so he turns around and wants me to be his yelling bag.

Another stressor is my mother. I haven't seen or talked to her in over 2 months. The embarrassing part of it is that I like it that way. The reason is, when she looks at me, it's so obvious I am a huge disappointment to her. I'm not married, don't have children, don't have a college degree. The only time I see a sparkle in her eye is when I am seeing someone. She has said, jokingly, but I know she is serious, that nothing matters unless I get married and have kids. I would love that dream as much as she would. And I grew up believing that was true. However, the cold hard truth of it all is that I may never marry. Not that I have never been in love before, I truly and deeply have, I just guess they have been with guys that having other demons in there lives.

Being here is hard too. I really don't like living in this area, I mean, it is really safe, and pretty much family oriented, which are two things I love. Yet, I am a true cowgirl at heart, and people like that don't really exist in this part of the country. I would love to go back to where I was, but then again, there is a fear of that too. I love that big state, Texas, my heart just starts pounding when I think about it. I love everything about it, the people, the southwestern culture, the food, the weather, EVERYTHING. And I decided I need to go back to live there, there will always be a piece missing if I don't. However, I need to finish school so I can make some money and live there without struggling day to day, week to week financially and depending on a man to help me with the bills and keep a roof over my head. So I am looking at 3 years before I can do that, make the permanent move. And if I were still in my twenties, that would be OK. But that is putting me at 36-37, and the slim chance of having children, well, it is getting smaller.

School worries me too because I have a hard time focusing. I really have to work hard to stay focused in school, which is why it has taken me so long finishing. I'm an excellent worker, but when it comes to sitting down to do school work for myself, I have a real hard time. Sometimes when my boss or former bosses have explained things to me, a new assignment say, I hear them and then all of a sudden I don't know, it's like their voice fades out or something and I miss vital parts of what they are saying. I'm not stupid by any means, I just really have a hard time focusing. I love books, but the sad truth is that I can never get passed the first few pages. I loses me pretty guickly.

Uggh. I don't know if the anti-depressents will help here, but I sure hope so. I know I am at a point in my life where I am saying "No more! There has to be a better way". And I really mean that. I don't want to live like this anymore. Someone told me that anti-depressents will also help things become more clear to you, and you won't live in such a fog. I sure hope that is true because that statement sure hits home. I do feel I live in a fog, I bounce from thought to thought all the time. The only thing that keeps me focused is when I am taking care of people or animals. Why is that?

I know I need to go out and make friends as well. It's hard, I mean, where do you start? I have a friend at work that I talk to from time to time, actually two, outside of work. But we all work so many hours that I never see them and when I do, well, I certainly don't want to bring them down and say "ey, I'm feeling kind of down lately". My very good friend back in Texas is the one I can talk to and she is actually the one months ago that said "Do you think that maybe you could be depressed?". Funny, I use to think that was possible, but my mother use to always say all I did was feel sorry for myself. (breakups were always extremely hard for me, even if it was me who broke it off) and I always have felt lonely. Always a HUGE disappointment to both my parents. (although I don't see my father anymore, he use to tell me that when I was younger, so, I do believe it to be true) and I know my mother feels the same way with the way she has talked to me.

I want to be rid of the people who are stressors in my life, who make me feel pretty darn bad about myself, but then there is the fact that I don't really have anyone else in my life. It's a crazy cycle, but I want it to change.

Sorry this was so long, but I wanted to be honest and get that all out in the open. Any suggestions would be so greatly appreciated. 🙂

TMV

July 20, 2006
10:54 am
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TMV -

my heart goes out to you - I hear myself in your words.

I also live in a small town, where I grew up, yet feel "out of place". I stay because it's the best place for my daughter in many ways...but there are days I feel "stuck".

First of all, I COMMEND you for pursuing your education. I am 35 and am considering going back - you are an inspiration!

Second of all, I understand the "focus" issue - let me ask you - when you "fade out" - does your mind wander to "somewhere or someone else" or does it just go "blank"?

I have ADD, but also depression - and I find that I also "fade out" - and sometimes I fade out to obsessive thinking about whatever chaos is in my life - and that's the depression talking and the meds DID help that. Sometimes I just fade out to "blank" - daydreaming more or less - and there are ADD meds for that, but I found them ineffective - you would need to consider this - or work on "forcing" yourself to refocus when you feel you are fading.

as far as moving - three years isn't a long way off - and the question is - what's important to you - do you really NEED or WANT to have children? I know you see that biological clock ticking - but do you want kids cuz mom expects you to, or would you be okay if you didn't have them? If you could live in texas, on a ranch, surrounded by animals with a loving partner - would you be content if no baby was involved???

I do have a child - but I also always wanted another....now that I am 35 and single again, I am realizing that it's not such a high priority after all....that I can find other stuff equally as fufilling.

here's a thought - could you move to texas and make a compromise on your living situation, like have a roommate, or a tiny place - so you could finish school out there, work out there, and get established? I have considered going back to school, even if it means having a one room apartment with my daughter....it's all what you make of it.

drawing boundaries is important with people who hurt you - making new healthy friends is important - focusing on you and your needs is critical.

three years isn't a long time - perhaps if you can work on getting your head on straight it will go quickly and you will be on your way to moving to where you want to be....I know about that pitter pat feeling - I have the same feeling when I am near the ocean in rhode island...that's my dream.

July 20, 2006
10:59 am
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oh, one more thing.

people make you feel bad about yourself.

the first step in recovery is stop blaming others for making you feel bad.

you do NOT have to accept other's views or opinions about you.

know who you are, be proud of who you are - and "block" the negative vibes coming from everyone else.

if you ACCEPT the criticism that others give you - it is YOU that is making yourself feel bad.

don't accept what they say - KNOW that you are a smart, gifted, loving, caring person who will make a wonderful partner to someone someday....and that he is waiting out there for you.

Don't be a victim - take control - stand tall and proud and don't let people walk all over you.

You own your own "stuff" and if they don't think kindly of you - so what??? - that's their "stuff" and they own it and you don't have to take it from them.

Not sure if this makes sense...had someone told me this last year, I probably wouldn't "get it"....but a year later, I think I "got it"!

July 20, 2006
11:26 am
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HI Alicat,
Thank you so much for your time and your thread. Your advice is very good and it is so very helpful and very comforting to know someone else has or is going through the same thing. Sometimes I feel I'm going crazy but it really helps to know that maybe I'm not!
Well, thank you for giving me credit about going back to school. That is very nice of you and I would highly recommend you do the same! As for your question to when someone is talking to me, do I draw a blank or focus on something else, I would definately have to say it is both. Just depends I guess. And I really have to work at staying focused. And when I do, I feel I have accomplished something! Strange, but so very true. I talked to my doctor about possible ADD and she said when I see her again in 8 weeks, because of the anti-depressents, we will see how things are going and she may refer me to a nuerologist. Sounds kind of scarry, but I guess that's who I would see. I look back when I was a kid and I swear, I must of had a form of it. I was always a D student, other than in gym or swim class, or home-ec, or art! But when it came to the basic important things, (not that the others aren't important!), but I always struggled. And when I got a "C", wow, I thought that was just great! When I returned to college, started very part time several years ago, I really was determined to do well. So I found anykind of info I could to become a better student and it paid off. Most classes I got an "A" in, but believe me, it was really tough and that was only 2 or 3 classes at a time.

As far as living on a ranch with someone and raising animals, I would be VERY happy, but I do also feel there would be something missing. I would love to adopt children so that could always be a possibility. However, the cowboy/cowgirl life is so much of who I am, I don't see how I could compromise that.

I thought of going back and trying to find a roommate, believe me, it is so very tempting, especially on the tougher days, however, I like the idea of getting my head on straight, so maybe if I just take it a year at a time and see where I am at. It's really hard though, especially when you, (meaning me) feels like I am waiting 3 years to live my life. I don't want to do that or feel that way, anyone of us could be gone tomarrow. I guess it is a balancing act that I am having a hard time with!

I really appreciate your thoughts alicat, and you are right, I don't have to accept other's opinions of me. I do know I am sweet and loving and very honest and loyal. I'm very hard working and down to earth, so if others don't see that, that is there problem. I guess it just is hard when family feels that way, (mother/father), and the sense of guilt I have for not wanting to talk to my mother (father I haven't seen or talked to in years).

Oh well, things will get better, I do know that, one day at a time. Thanks alicat, and I look forward to talking to you again! 🙂

TMV

July 20, 2006
12:15 pm
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lovinglife
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TMV~ you are on your well on your way to recovery! Dont have time to reply to your posts but just want to pass this on...This is a quote taking from a book...

"Research has indicated that people learn as they write." They think more deeply, and more answers come as they engage in the process of writing."

I have wrote for YEARS to get me through ALOT in life. While I may still make on occassion not the best choice for myself, writing once again is getting me through, getting me back on my feet that much more stronger to see one more area of my life that needs some work- and this time around its getting to the core. Think I just may get it right this time around!

So keep on writing... in fact my counselors suggest writing to people who suffer from depression.

July 20, 2006
12:22 pm
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TMV -

my dad lives next door to me, we share a common "wall" between us, we are THAT close.

he is toxic - an alcoholic - and there are MANY days I walk away and refuse to "engage" with him.

it was a very hard thing to do, because I love my mom and didn't want to ruin things there...but for my OWN sanity, I had to do it.

we are given our parents - but sometimes the families we bond with are NOT blood relatives - friends are the family we "pick"....mom brought you into this life, but there is NOTHING saying we have to sacrifice OUR own well being to maintain a loyalty to them. You can be respectful and still keep your distance.

I like your idea of taking one day at a time - or one year...rome wasn't built in a day...and recovery won't happen overnight.

you REALLY do sound like you have your head on straight...sounds like you have a plan, and just need a little reassurance that it's a good one.

And I think it is...

And I think it's wonderful that you are doing well in college - the "A" makes it worth the effort and slow and steady wins the race...and getting your mental health in order is an excellent place to begin - you are doing well - make sure you believe that!

July 20, 2006
1:04 pm
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Prozac princess speaking. Depression for me is a chemical inbalance but you be surprised to know a lot of depression has to do with black and white thinking. Better to know its depression then to personalize it. Good for you I'm glad you're on your way!

July 20, 2006
1:09 pm
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or black and white thinking is a RESULT of depression.

I couldn't take prozac, it made me "flat" - nothing bothered me, but nothing made me happy either...it killed my sex drive too, and THAT was unacceptable.

I tried effexor, depekote, lexapro, prozac, straterra, and FINALLY zoloft and that is working WONDERS.

I had given up on trying meds, and got put on the zoloft because of another condition and low and behold, it did wonders for my attitude, mental state and peace of mind....I truly think there was some higher power at work when the doctor decided to put me on it for an unrelated condition.

I feel great and don't care if I am on it for life - cuz it has improved my quality of life tenfold.

July 20, 2006
8:14 pm
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Hi All,
I love the suggestions. Writing sounds like it might be a good idea. I didn't know there had been studies on that, yet I always heard about "writing in journals" and in all honesty, I always felt really strange about doing that. But not today. I took my first dose of Celexa, and boy, I don't feel very good. Extremely dizzy, like my feet are spinning in circles, and of course, I am nausous, and I really feel like I am drunk! That's the best way I can put it. I can't stay focused on much at all, even this, and I slept almost all day, literally. Kind of scarry and I know that this is just day one and give it a little time, but I really feel awful and I have to go to work and I am pretty concerned about that. I feel like I am walking around in a daze. I hope this goes away, because I work so much and I can't be feeling this way much longer. I remember an old boyfriend of mine was on Zoloft and I specifically remember him saying he felt the same way, but his lasted for months! He finally went off of it, yet he stills suffers with anxiety and other things.

Alicat, I know what you are saying about your parents. It's the guilt that kills me. I have siblings and even though they know how tough my folks are, they still attempt to have some kind of relationship with them, which is wonderful, dont' get me wrong, but it makes me feel horrible because I haven't tried and I don't want them to be mad at me because of it either.

July 20, 2006
11:00 pm
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Ali

I really appreciate what you shared. I have a few questions, I hope you don't mind answering. I don't want to intrude, and if you do mind, please say so. First, did any of those meds cause weight gain? IF so, which ones?

Second, the whole concept about not blaming people for making us feel bad and then the idea of boundaries or even getting away from someone abusive (but forgiving). Well, I am struggling at work with that. If you had someone at work that was abusive to you (and say you reported it and everything), but he is still there, would you avoid him at all costs if he did not respect your boundaries (especially if you were not going to get fired)?

Sorry for the sidetrack, just had to ask ali, because her responses seemed especially helpful to me. Thank you. P&L

July 23, 2006
10:28 pm
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bumping up this up, hoping to hear from ALI or anyone else who can contribute.

Thanks! P&L

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