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Has Anyone Moved to Live Closer to a Parent? Advice needed.
October 13, 2006
2:14 am
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gracenotes
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I would really appreciate some thoughts on this. I have been thinking about moving anyway because I want to pursue my education for about two years somewhere else away from where I live now. I am currently single. I applied to a school a few hours away from where I live and am going to apply to a school near to where my mother lives.

My mother is in relatively good health, but she is in her mid 80s. She lives in assisted living because of some very mild dementia but she is really sharp on many days. It is really a nice place. She is content and has never asked me to live closer, but that does not mean that she wouldn't like me to. I do visit her several times a year, and I have always been there is there is some kind of medical emergency and I handle her bills. I am over a thousand miles away. I also feel bad for her that so many of her friends have died and she is alone without much of any other family except me. But, I don't think she even minds being alone. I have never been really really close to my mother, although she has never been abusive or anything like that to me. In fact, she has been very supportive in many ways. She's a nice person, I care about her and she is very alone. By the time you get that old, most of your friends and family are gone. And, of course, she could be gone at any time too.

Although I would like to live closer, the realities of moving are just overwhelming to me, especially since I own a home that I do not want to sell now. Most difficult would be moving away from my best friend of many years. But, I wouldn't be moving just to live closer to my mother. I would be pursuing my dreams education and career wise. I could pursue this education just about anywhere, but interestingly, not that easily where I currently live.

Has anyone had to make choices like this, meaning about parents? What were they like? Appreciate any commments.

October 13, 2006
2:26 am
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stardj0
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thas it funny that you should write about that.. i live near my dads.. and i am thinking of moving to florida..but i am kind of scared to because my dad is in his 80's as well and im so afraid that if i get down there something may happen to him and i would have to come back here...so i guess it is makeing me stay put for a while...i took care of my mom until she died 5 years ago .... my dad and her were divorced a long time ago, and he has been remarrried for about 12 years.. i get along with his wife..and he made me promise that if anytning happened to him that i along with my 2 sisters would help her out..it is a lot of burden..but it is also rewarding as well...so i understand what you are going though.. and i will say a prayer for you..take care and best of luck on whatever you choose to do...

October 13, 2006
9:08 am
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atalose
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gracenotes,

You are justified with your feelings of being overwhelmed. First of all a move is a major stressor in life. Dealing with aging parents can be another. Put school and studies on top of those and yes feeling overwhelmed is putting it mildly.

Whether you move or not, your mothers health will eventually get worse, her good days with dementia will become less and less. If you live closer to her, having to deal with that on a daily basis could be very difficult for you as the assisted living facility will depend on your assistance with her care if you live close by. That could interfere with your studies and school. Dementia is so sad, I’ve seen parents who don’t even recognize there children or understand where they are or what is happening to them.
I would also check with the facility she is at to see there policy on patients with dementia and at what point if any do they request patients be moved elsewhere. I have also seen this if a patient’s behavior from dementia becomes to detrimental to them and the other patients.

Would it be possible for you to move with in a driving distance to your mother in the event her health does deteriorate but remain far enough away that it doesn’t effect you on a daily bases? Could you keep your home and possibly rent it out? Maybe allow yourself a year of schooling to see how your life changes.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 13, 2006
7:13 pm
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gracenotes
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star and atalose,

Thanks for you input. You made some very good points. Wow, atalose, I see already how I setting myself up to be overwhelmed. School, move, dislocated from my friends, making new friends, and renting out my house (a stressor for me, at least the actual move).

The pluses are: Mother is in a life care community. Regardless of her state of health, she will always be on the campus somewhere of this facility. Yes, I could rent out my house. The university I have in mind is about 45 minutes or so from where she lives.

A lot to think about.

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