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has anyone broke the cycle of being attracted to a sex addict
February 19, 2007
6:39 pm
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realchick
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it's been 3 months since i broke up with my boyfriend - total sex addict (SA) at the same time of starting a f2f cosa group. I was completely tempted by another SA and then another SA. I am beginining to recongize that my attraction to these types of people is unmanagable and I need help. I feel stronger now that I am not speaking ot the last SA. I hate that I still feel attracted to these types of people (SA)'s. I am starting the co-dependents guide through the 12 steps but I am struggling with reading it.

has anyone broke the cycle of being attracted to sex addicts and is now in a healthy- physical emotional intellectual -relationship? If so, how did you break through it???

February 19, 2007
6:47 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi realchick: I'm not clear on whether you consider yourself a sex addict also.

I was with a sex addict for a year and it was one of the worst experiences I have ever had. After numerous breakups and reunions, I finally just resolved to never speak to him again, and it was very hard.

I am wondering of you understand sex addiction and why it happens. Also if you recognize the many types of sex addiction. There is an excellent book called "Out of the Shadows" that deals with the addiction extensively and its causes, guides to recovery, etc.

The key here though is for you to recognize that you are attracted to these types and understand yourself and your draw to them.

Another great book that helped me was "How to Avoid a Dangerous Man before you become involved" by Sandra Brown. Its focus is on recognizing various personality and character disorders and the beginning and to walk away to protect yourself from the damage that involvement with these types of men can do.

Hope this helps.

SD

February 19, 2007
6:56 pm
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Anonymous
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Hello realchick:

I second sdesigns reading suggestions. They are both excellent! Out of the Shadows has a chapter on co-addicts too.

Another book that has been very useful to me is "The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships" also by Patrick J. Carnes.

Wishing you the best.

Moon & Stars

February 19, 2007
6:58 pm
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I don't know yet it seems to me that any kind of addiction is doomed.

Stay the course with your co-dependency work and reading about it. Perhaps join a co-dependency anonymous group and discover why you settle for less than you deserve.

I would like to say that I have had some success regarding this addiction yet at times it and he can be so seductive. I do acknowledge that it is like playing with a cobra, ... they will be in relationship with me for a while yet inevitably will lash out and poison me. My antedote is hard self work and letting go. I will never find a healthy partner as long as I settle for less!

February 19, 2007
7:29 pm
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orangeboy
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It is possible to work through and over come anything. I truly deeply believe that. All you have to do is make the decision and commit to it and do it. It's that simple. Don't allow yourself to screw up consciously. Seriously, don't. I'm sure that you'll make mistakes along the way that you didn't realize were mistakes, and that's ok. Learn from them, don't let it slip you up.

Realizing and recognizing the problems are the first steps. Sure, they're a lot different from creating the change, but change is the next step. It's hard, but it's possible. So if you really want it and are really committed then do it.

Otherwise perhaps you need to examine why you're not 100% willing to commit to enacting the changes?

February 19, 2007
9:53 pm
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realchick
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no I am not a sa believe me I tried to be one to fit in:)) I am a co- sa.... I broke up with the last 2 when I found out the fishy-ness of it all..

I don't know why I am not 100% that's a good ?..
I worked on some of my general co-dep. alanon, therapy, etc. I am starting to work on the SA part of it not sure maybe a way to keep my sa father in my world.. sick..

February 20, 2007
10:40 am
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lewis
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What does the sa do that is attractive, i'm curious what it it that you like, and what is that seems familiar to you.

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