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Hard to hear....
March 3, 2006
1:32 pm
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twinkles
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Thank you to everyone who replied to me....I'm never offended by any constructive criticism that I receive......but HOW do you get over someone that you are THAT in love with?? I'm just one of those people that can't just go right out there and find someone to take someone else's place.....I can't just give myself to someone or try to get to know someone else when I'm still in love....it's been 5 years and my heart still belongs to him....no-one has ever known me THAT well...I'll always be comparing everyone else to him.....I'm soooo scared that it's just not humanly possible for me...I know how strange that must sound to a lot of people but I'm just not made like that....I can't move on, I can but I'll never be over him. Anybody out there who may have some helpful hints?

March 3, 2006
3:19 pm
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gingerleigh
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Finding a different focus in life that has nothing to do with relationships... could be your career or an artistic pursuit. Maybe volunteering? And even casual dating... not relationships (if you aren't ready for them) but a chance to interact with the opposite sex and get some needed chemical interaction. And you never know, you might just meet someone nice, make a new friend.

March 3, 2006
4:00 pm
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kathygy
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twinkles,

its fine not to go out with other men until you are ready. But the question is why hold on to this man that is out of your life 5 years ago?

You might search deep inside and see what are the payoffs.

Ask yourself very honestly do you really want to get your heart back from this man who has no doubt moved on from you?

It might feel very romantic to say you still love him and he still has your heart. Its away of pineing away. This could be an addiction to romance inorder to avoid your pain that lies deep inside of you from childhood.

If you really do want to move on and let go of this man I think the most helpful thing to do is to stop romanticizng him and take him off the pedestal.

See him as an average human being with faults. Time has a tendency to make our memories very selective. You seem to have selected only the good memories and built him up.

But go back and think about all of his faults and all of the times he hurt you or mistreated you.

I had idolized one of relationships to the point that it made it hard for me to let go but my therapist helped me to see that even though he had many good qualities he was not so great afterall. I had over-looked ways that he hurt me and ways that the relatiosnhip was not good for me.

In the end, I took him off the pedestal.

Be willing to see the reality of this man and it will help let you reclaim your heart if that's what you trully want to do unless you want to stay stuck and romanticize away.

March 3, 2006
4:11 pm
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kathygy
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Another possibility to add to the pot is that you maybe confusing your love for your father with your love for this man. Now, I know nothing about your relationship with your father so I could be off here. But this can happen because you will always love your father and if this man reminds you of your father you can confuse the two.

At any rate continuing to tell yourself you will always love him and he will always have your heart only reinforces this.

You have choices about what you tell yourself. You are paying a price to keep telling yourself these things.
Why does this man deserve to have your heart after 5 years?

I know nothing about your relationship so it makes it difficult to comment about that.

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