Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
Had to ask my wife to leave, drugs, AA & no trust
November 19, 2000
2:05 pm
Avatar
Lakewoodhelp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

My wife of nearly eight years, who I love dearly, recently retuned from hospitalized drug rehab, 30 days in a recovery home. I've been through hell. I've nearly lost the home,our life savings were blown on drugs. I maintained while she was in the hospital and rehab. I supported her recovery and life changes sponsored by AA. I've welcomed her back home. I just wanted my wife back.
When she returned, it was "my illness" that caused her actions. And although I've supported and forgiven, I'm still getting hurt. I've tried to accept and forgive yet I feel a fool if I trust her again. And there have been serious trust abuses since she came home. After many lies from her, serious ones, I had to ask her to leave. I feel that I've done all that I can yet how can I live with no trust?

November 19, 2000
3:13 pm
Avatar
janes
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Loving someone doesn't mean they always get what they want from you.

Tough love is tough on all participants. It seems like maybe she hasn't taken responsibility for her own addiction in referring to "your illness". But then you don't share what she feels your illness is....

Have you started your counseling and therapy for your side of this life issue? You probly should!!

While I am sure you did not force her to be an addict --have you sorted through the relationship with an objective third party (counselor/therapist) to be sure that

1) you did not, unknowingly/unwittingly, in some way contribute to her weakness?
2) That if you do not resume this relationship you are able to be a whole enough, peaceful enough person to choose a non addictive type person for your next.
3) Your issues with coodenpendence and addictive realtionships are dealt with
in a constructive manner so you are aware open and honest with yourself in what you want in and from a relationship so you can trust again. And what you will do to maintain that trust as well.

I ask this because...at one point you mention "your wife who I love dearly"..but when you speak of what you almost lost...it is all material things. could you not have lost your "dear" wife to death from an addiction?

The life changes through AA or NA or any group need to be life changes..for all involved not just the addict.

This has got to be tough for all involved.

I would really advise you seek professional help AND a spouse group for spouse's of addicts.

Good luck.

November 19, 2000
9:09 pm
Avatar
Lakewoodhelp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks for the feedback, when I referred to "my illness", I was speaking in her voice. "my illness" is her chemical dependency. Her chemical abuse came about from pain medication from a back injury.
I began counseling when she went to rehab. I was mentally and emotionally numb. With therapy, I have been able to see how my feelings and emotions count in a relationship. Material loss,? i dont think this is an issue, but, the roof over my childrens heads,the savings for their college. We have one in high school, one in eigth and one in 6th.

I am thankful that I did not lose my wife, she now says that she tried to kill herself by overdose.

November 20, 2000
7:24 pm
Avatar
Molly
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Sounds like they may have briefly touched on issues in your wifes rehab. Addiction through pain med's is often the excuse, or trigger to bring out the real stuff. Its hard to learn to be different, then go back to the what is, then try to live out the being different. You say you have been with her for 8 years, but have a child in high school, 8th and 6th, so like are these, hers, or yours, or is one of both. Sounds like there is more to the story, have you gone to alanon, is it addiciton that was surpressed for years, what is the ultimate issue, truly if she came back lying, and betraying trust, the rehab was not a success, so like do you know what the rest of the story is? This does not add up. What is the rest of the story???

November 20, 2000
10:28 pm
Avatar
Lakewoodhelp
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

"briefly touched on issues in ...wifes rehab" That certainly may be the case.
Regarding the trigger, oh, like maybe me not being very good at sharing my emotions. Being a lifelong recovering control freak taught me that emotions must be under control!. Good German Irish upbringing. Maybe her alcoholic, physically abusive father?
Children?, One is hers, two are mine. We lost a child early in our relationship, a miscarriage.
I have been to Al-Anon, fourth one this evening and I think I found a good group. I will be continuing.
Was it the addiction that was suppressed for years?, I don't think so, I'll think about that one & get back to you.
Ultimate issue? trust. I have to admit that a few years back, I had a late appointment near her work, at a nearby business. After my appointment, I stopped by her work. When I pulled into the lot, I saw her car parked near the back of the wooded lot. And only one other car, the one with my wife inside, leaning over to her co-worker. I went to her window, they both sat up. I went to my car and went home. Naked?, no, just her top unbuttoned. Hmmmm, is this the rest of the story?

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 247
Currently Online:
33
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110920
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38536
Posts: 714201
Newest Members:
kevinkovalsky, izzy39, RoyFollman, kevin021, Fice1990, KyleGallegos
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer