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guys treating girls badly :(
November 19, 2000
6:46 pm
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Castle
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Can anyone explain why so many girls stay with guys that treat them badly? I've always heard "girls stay with guys that treat them like crap". It sounds like an irrational statement, but the older I get, I see more and more instances. My sister, for example, has been with her boyfriend for 3 years and he makes her cry all the time. She says "the more he ignores me, the more I want to be with him". Could it just be an attachment issue? I don't understand this silly phenomenon.

November 20, 2000
9:37 am
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Tinaa
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Hi there,

This i know is really bad- but is something that us crazy women seem to do a lot. Sadly I too can relate to this...It just doesn't come naturally- its kind of sub-consious knee jerk reaction to your boyfriend ignoring you or treating you badly....

It kind of works like this- you've been ignored or treated with dis-respect, and you want to get to the bottom of it- you want to pester and pursue your partner and tell him and find out and get out of him why he is like this....so its not that us women 'ENjoy' being treated like this, we just don't realise that instead of chasing him, we really should back off, and let go....instead we run after the boyfriend in search of answers...(which we inevitabbly do not find)...Can anyone else relate to this, or is this me just being stupid agian!??

Love
Tina x

November 20, 2000
12:56 pm
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Cici
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Low self-esteem. High expectations. Bad luck. It's funny that the proportion of good to bad guys seems really stilted. It also has to do with how society encourage men to behave,suppressing their emotions and being focused on material success leads to a bad relationship. WOmen are socialized to be permissive and passive. They just take it. I've heard couples arguing, sometimes acted as a mediator and they always argue the wrong way.

You've got to clearly outline what you perceive, what you feel and what your goals are and what you plan to do to get there. Most people just end up looking for as many things to complain and criticize as they can. DUH....

November 20, 2000
7:39 pm
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Molly
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I think that there is lots of cultural, social, and religious stuff that go into this, as well as being taught to be a care taker, and hold onto the nest no matter what , or it must be you, that keeps women where they shouldn't be. Heck don't forget it wasn't that long ago, that we were property, and had to be the best to get some one to trade us for commodity like cow, or chickens. Still in some places if we don't produce son's we are still in trouble. We are in a strange evolution, learning to be independent, learning to have our own. Heck, all these years marriage was dependency, now women are co-dependent, if they want from the man, and the man is co-dependent, if he is old fashioned and has a corporate wife. The abuse stuff is I think learned behavior, we cross cultural lines, and what is common to one place of origion, is wrong with another, and lets face it since OJ its just plain socially wrong. I did the Scarlett O'Hara thing, and my Rhett slapped me back, I called my EST sponsor and said now what do I do, and they asked why did I give the action signifigance, which is what my guy thought as his dad had done this to his mom for years. Confusion this process that process, this is right and this is wrong, but he we can change guru's and then it all changes. The kep is to know who you are, and take a stand that you are right, don't let anything or any one sway you in your values. We have access to learn what works today and what doesn't, choices, get smart before you get into things, that you are not mature enough to deal with, have a good sense of self.

November 23, 2000
4:53 am
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old girl
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I went out with a guy that tread me badly he always put me down and would threaten to kill himself and said everyone would blame me so I stayed with him and got very unhappy and I got angry at my friends

November 26, 2000
9:03 pm
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beans
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I think it's a self esteem thing. like we're not good enough. always looking for approval and trying so hard that we let these guys walk all over us. I have the same problem, I am in a bad situatio and I almost can see myself doing these things. maybe because I don't love myself? I don't know...always trying so hard for approval and yey those men who love us we don't want. If it's too easy we don't want it. is that screwed up or what!!!

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