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Gut feelings.....
November 11, 2000
9:10 am
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Merry
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September 24, 2010
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It was almost two years ago now that my life had taken a total turn around. Everything in my life had been touched and turned around. And, when I say everything, I mean everything. It happened to be the worst time of my life. I had been in relationships before and one marriage which ended probably because I was too young, insecure and didn't like been thrown around anymore to tossed out windows.
I thought that was bad until two years ago in a relationship that almost distroyed me emotionally, spiritually and physically. I could not tolerate the pain and never again do I want to experience the pain or torment I had gone through with such a breakup. I will put it to you this way, my 6 year relationship ended with my ex whom I was living with, having an affair with my best friend. It hurt me so much that at that time I did not want to live. I guess this might sound familiar with a lot of people but like I say it almost distroyed me as I was so unhappy and terrified to live. When I made a committment I put total trust and communication, love, respect and self into that relationship. I don't really want to go into that now as that is not the concern I have now.
Since that time I have come along way....I am not the same person and my way of thinking is totally different. I like myself, I am independent, have a great job, meeting new and interesting friends, live by myself and don't mind being on my own. Actually it is nice at times to come home and not answer to anyone and just relax and do what I want to do. I know the difference of being alone and feeling alone but don't mind either at all. At one time in my life I was afraid to live and be on my own. I am independant and a responsible person.
Well, I know I am rambling on but I guess if I need advise I should at least give you some back ground as to where I came from where I stand now.
After all that has happened in the past I feel I don't have any grudges against anyone and that my life is my own. It is what I do with it that makes the difference.
I have alot of projects on the go and presently could go somewhere in the future but could change do to someone entering my life. I swore I would never let anyone into my life but you know as well as I do it happens. I did finally meet someone who is a very thoughtful, kind, loving individual. He has been hurt terrible as well as he was married twice before and both times the women his married ran off with someone else . He was devastated. He is a trusting guy. He has turned his life around again too and has been working his butt off to get his new business up and started. He lives 2 hours away from me and I have over the last year come to his place and helped him with the business plans. He too has helped me in many ways than one. We are both working on this project together as it is a common ground for us and we both plan to go in that direction of business. The problem or concern is that his parents are mmmmm should I say well off and helping him with some financing as the ex's walked away practically with everything. His mother who is a very nice women can be a controlling individual and loves her son so much that she has really helped her son with financing, assisting with his child which he sees every other weekend and can cook up a storm. I will call him, John, not his real name but John and I are planning to get married which means that I will have to move to his place as that is were the business is and leave my good job behind. I will have to look for something in his area as the business is still taking off and renovations are finished. The problem is is with his mom. She is controlling and John sometimes feels he has no life. He is aware that at present he lacks self esteen, confidence and feels like a robot. Everyone has taken their turn taking advanage of him. With in the last couple of weeks I have noticed that certain things that he does to make himself feel good, he doesn't do anymore and when I ask him why. He says he just doesn't care anymore. He says that he loves me but is scared. He wants me to move with him and get married still. I do but I feel until all this blows over I will stay right where I am. I am not saying I don't care for him or love him less, but my gut tells me to stay where I am because of what I have learned from my past. What do you think? Am I being selfish or cautious? I just have this gut feeling.
Thanks

November 12, 2000
6:48 am
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Ruth
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September 24, 2010
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He is an adult first....remember that. He has been down the road of being taken advantage of and should know the signs...as should you. A succesful marriage happens between two well grounded individuals who love eachother and themselves..and if he doesn't love himself enough to care....you know where I am getting. You are a smart woman and I commend you for seeing the signs of disaster before it hits. Remember, you may love him, but marriage is a big step and you shouldn't feel any doubt when you take that step...and since you have the gut feeling...then listen to it. And another thing...just because you have your gut feeling..since you love him and you once felt comfortable with the idea of marriage and all that, I feel that you should still be supportive...but be supportive from your own house two hours away with your visits. Remember that FOOLS JUMP IN. If the love is true and lasting, it will still be there when the gut feeling passes and all is well. 🙂 Good luck.

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