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GUILTY AS CHARGED.
October 19, 2006
3:09 am
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santino
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I was watching my kids play today and I felt a horrible pain in my chest. I felt as if I swallowed a knife. The pain came from the fact that this last year I had devoted my time thinking about my girlfriend. There were times I'd take them to their mothers early so I could be with her. There were times my kids were over and I'd be locked in the room talking to her on the phone. I watched them play, gosh how big they have grown. I missed it all and for what?! Nothing. I feel so guilty, so selfish.

October 19, 2006
5:26 am
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revelation
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And what good do you think its doing them while you sit there and wallow in guilt hmmm??? You made a mistake, you are human...mistakes are allowed. You have acknowledged your mistake, have spent some time feeling guilty for it....enough time! So now its time to move on from it and to make up for it, spend some special time with the kids. But don't continue beating yourself up about it, its not going to do you or the kids any good hun.

Rev.

October 19, 2006
6:15 am
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alycia
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All i can say is dont let it happen again. You aren't the first to do that either.

My daughters dad would be on the phone to me when we were first dating, have his mother mind the kids sometimes when it was his weekend and we would go out, huge red flags, i ignored them, we had a child together and now he does the same to mine, sees her hardly often at all but theres no way she would stay there.

I guess what u wrote hit me like a brick cause no woman is worth that you know... You aren't with them everyday so please cherish the time you are with them, the kids (My exes kids) i was referring too have nothing to do with their dad now and i dont have to ask why.......

Build the bond now and i hope u heal very soon, i read and see your pain when i log in from time to time, it will go santino, it just takes loads of time....

I don't think you should call her or anything as she is with her ex again, just let it go and learn from it.....

By the way i am not trying to say u are anyway near my ex in regards to the kids, i am just saying u are aware now of it and i am glad, my ex will bond with none of his kids as his women always come first.....

Good luck.....

October 19, 2006
7:29 am
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taj64
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When I look back to my last few dysfunctional relatonships, I too admit that I compromised myelf when the kids were involved. It is only after the relationship ended where I saw my role and yes I too felt guilty. But I am grateful too for the lesson because now my relationship with my kids is much better. I was too focused on a man and it is pitiful to think about it. All you can do is learn to be better and allow yourself mistakes along the way of life. It is what counts for today and tomorrow, not what happened with your ex girlfriend. Be grateful that this happened for you to really realize what your priorities are. When you meet the right person, a healthy person, you will be able to balance all of it and do it well. And you will reap even more benefits.

October 19, 2006
11:11 am
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santino
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wow, thanks for all your esponses. They really hit home.

Alycia, I believe you are right about my ex. I haven't seen her in 3 months and every time I have broken no-contact, it has been a heartbeaking setback. (3) times. The last 1 (week and 1/2 ago) really took me back to day 1, when I found out she ws back with her ex. The anger and bitterness is gone, I just figured she didn't want to leave without settling her diffrences with him.

Funny thing is now shes leaving knowing their is tention between us. This time if she wants to settle it she'll have 2 contact me, cause everytime I make contact it hurts, and Im tired of hurting for a lost cause.

October 19, 2006
12:25 pm
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santino
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good morning everyone 🙂

October 19, 2006
12:39 pm
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nappy
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Santino, I have been reading your thread and I do understand the pain that you are going through. My first thing to you is that you have to stop fighting god will. I don't mean that it a mean way but we often want and hope for things that maybe god is truly trying to show us for our own good. You seem like a good person and there are plenty of womens out there that is ready to received the kind of love that you are ready to give.
Don't beat yourself up because of what you didn't do for your kids, we are all humans and we will make mistakes in life but you have realize what was done and you are taking a step in trying to correct what you see now. We all have been in love and we have been there to where we don't see anybody except that person.
Get back with your kids what you feel that you have lost. Enjoy your time with your children because one day they will be grown and doing there own thing.
Don't wait for your ex to try and get in contact with you because she made her choice by being with her ex boyfriend. I know that this may hurt but in reality, if she wanted to be with you, she would be with you.
Why should you care what she is feeling or if she is hurting. That is truly her problem and that is something that she is going to have to face. Make your peace with yourself and let her go. There is some one else waiting to receive you, but god will not bring that person to you until you are truly ready. Someone that will except you for you and also your kids.
Then hopefully one day you will look back on this time and laugh because then you will be sitting with your love and thinking glad she is gone because I wouldn't have met this person if I would have be still hanging on.
Just think that she is letting go of a good person because her ex was a ex for a reason.

October 19, 2006
12:54 pm
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santino
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nappy, thank you soooo much. You really put things in perspective. Thanxs 🙂

October 20, 2006
1:04 am
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santino
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good evening everyone, any1 awake? 🙂

October 20, 2006
1:12 am
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Shaney
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Hey there santino - I see this as another one of those lessons in life... although painful, you now know better than to let your feelings for a woman come between you and your children. The good thing is that you realized it.... it's okay.

October 20, 2006
1:18 am
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santino
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thanks shaney, I really have learned my lesson. I really feel good about it 2. Thanks

October 20, 2006
1:21 am
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Shaney
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You've really come to a lot of realizations since you've been here. I may not always reply, but I read your posts, and can defintiely see improvement. GREAT for you... it takes time, it really does.

Hey, what ever happened to calling the ex or writing her a letter?

October 20, 2006
1:26 am
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santino
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You know I really wanted 2, but I have come to 1 realization, and that is this, everytime I have tried to tell her something, I have been hurt. I have made contact 3 times, and each time It has been a setback, this last 1 a week ago put me all the way back 2 day 1. I don't want to go backwards. The truth is, if she wanted 2 talk to me she would make contact, everything I have 2 say has been said, or then again, somethings are better left unsaid.

October 20, 2006
6:53 am
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alycia
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She left you didn't she? Therefore i wouldn't feel bad about much santino...

I was reading thru some posts and thought i would see if u are ok. I dont generally see if anyone is ok without sounding bad but it does suck and you aren't alone.

Next week it will be one year since my babies dad left us and would you believe it still hurts slightly?

Scary thought huh! I still have to see him, he sees his daughter once every two weeks.

We play happy families for a day... Most of the time i am ok but there is the odd time you remember how real it was you know, and you still get angry or sad ....

You will be ok when she is gone, thats when your pain will go... If i never saw this man again when he left a yr ago i would have been all mended 6 months ago....

How old are your kids santino? Its so important you be a special dad to them, i sometimes want to cry at the thought of my daughter not having a real dad, he sucks terribly as a father...

I get no money, i get jack shit to be honest haha..... I am having my vent for the day i guess....

When you have them, take them out, call them sometimes and see how they are when you aren't with them, be the dad that other kids have you know....

Its not about pressies and what you buy them, its about bonding, laughing and spending time with them...

I am sorry you got hurt, it happens to the best of us hey, it puts you off meeting anyone, it has put me off big time....

I wish you well in your recovery, sometimes we have to let people go, people dont always come into our life for a long time but i do believe we gain something from everyone we meet,

i gained an angel who is now 16 mths old and i also gained alot from my experience and when you have to close that chapter forever it has to hurt.

She came into your life and taught you a valuable lesson and part of that lesson you mentioned at the start and i am sure there was loads you gained from her.....

I wish you lots of strength and peace and just know you aren't alone.... glad you let me vent here haha.......

October 20, 2006
9:49 am
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santino
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alycia, thank you so much 4 sharing. My babies are 6 and 3. Single dad is new 2 me and im trying really hard. Thanks again 4 caring 🙂

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