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guilty and ashamed of losing love
July 18, 2000
2:17 am
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sledge_grl
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September 27, 2010
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Hi
I was in love last year, deeply in love with someone who I respected and cared for more than anyone else. He went overseas, and while he was away we emailed and talked on the phone a lot. It was hard, but he was making every effort to keep in touch and let me know he loved me. Then out of nowhere I started drinking heavily, going out all night, and sleeping with men I didn't know...I still have no idea what happened inside me, why I did this to myself in the face of all the love I had known. The weeks went by, and as the day of my loves return approached, I reformed myself..I decided deep within to make this relationship the entire focus of my being. I planned ahead. Then suddenly, one of the guys I had been with emailed him overseas (I had stupidly sent a forwarded joke to everyone on my address list...so he got hold of my loves address) I got a phonecall from England asking for the truth, and I told him everything.
I have hurt him deeply. He cannot bear the thought of me. He gave me everything and I threw it away. I just want to understand why I did what I did. I have tried to phone him, but he won't listen. He has cut me off completely, and even though he lives three hours drive away now, I cannot visit or phone. I feel like a great hole has been torn into my life. The wound hurts every day. I feel like I have lost the best thing ever. Help me understand what I did.

July 18, 2000
11:08 am
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Cici
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September 24, 2010
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There is something called fear of success, which people with self-esteem issues often grapple with. It goes hand in hand with fear of failure.

People with low self-esteem will undermine their endeavors. A student will study poorly or not at all for an exam that he fears because if he doesn't study, he has a convenient excuse for why he failed.

A woman wil undermine her relationship because she unconsciously fears that once she is involved, her lover will find her inadequate and reject her.

I'm not saying this is the case. I can only conjecture as I barely know the scenario. But I had the same problem.

July 18, 2000
4:41 pm
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drbillydm
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I don't have an answer for you. Sometimes we just make mistakes. There are no good answers after things happen. The only thing we can do is pickup the pieces of our life and move forward. Sometime carrying to much shame and guilt is not the answer. I'm not saying that what you did was ok. I am saying to forgive yourself. You made one of lifes mistakes, but life is still worth living and you are worth more than you think at this moment. Give yourself another chance and move on. There is someone still out there for you. You haven't lost love. You just lost at love; but, tomorrow is another day and a better one. Treat yourself well. Learn from your mistakes.

July 19, 2000
8:28 am
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sledge_grl
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Thank you everyone for those comforting words...i still feel broken and have the name and number of a therapist from my doctor. I will be seeing her next week. Life seems very hard now, but I know this will make me stronger if it doesn't break me.

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