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guest_guest!
February 12, 2001
9:20 pm
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hehe...
thats not possible.
the woman would have to be crazy to love me like that, and then i'll run away from her, thinking that she's crazy!

February 13, 2001
4:52 pm
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Guest_guest.

Why would you think she was crazy? You do not see any lovable qualities within yourself?

February 13, 2001
7:00 pm
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Molly
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Maybe she is but wouldn't it be worth the experience? If she wasn't crazy, maybe she is the soul mate that many never meet. The one person that identifies with you, that sees in you what no one else does. It is a possibility.

February 14, 2001
5:36 pm
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Molly and Guest_guest.

The reason that I posed this question to Guest_guest on 6-Feb-01 is because I believe that to lead a happy life each and every one of us needs to become our own 'soulmate' and find that part of ourselves in which to delight and love.

For, in my opinion, within each and every one of us, such an exquisitely lovable part exists. It seems to me that a lot of people have the firm conviction that no part of them is lovable. Thus they 'tap dance'for others in order to try to compensate for their supposed unlovability. The futility of such 'compensating' behavior soon results in depression and sometimes even suicide.

Guest_guest, do you think that the above generalisation applies to you? I'm not suggesting that it does - only testing the water. šŸ™‚

February 14, 2001
6:29 pm
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Molly
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Tez,
Perhaps soul mate was the wrong choice of words. I re read your post, and reflected on my own. True, if one were to tap dance and fail, depression is a possibility, depending on many factors. The point is to not tap dance, but to be, a lesson that many learned the hard way. However, it just takes a spark to light a fire. Qualities withing our selves often need an oportunity to appear, or be recognized. Shut in a room, without the opportunity to interact, what we see and feel is limited, and maybe even distorted due to isolation. It is a risk. A risk to be rejected or celebrated. How can people be sure that they are abscent of a quality to acknowledge, if they have not put them selves in a position for self discovery. Similar perhaps to the ugly duckling?

February 15, 2001
5:51 pm
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Molly.
You said, "The point is to not tap dance, but to be, a lesson that many learned the hard way." I 110% agree.

You also said, "However, it just takes a spark to light a fire." Yes... one that soon burns out. This might have some justifiable short term benefit; that is to prevent suicide, self-mutilation, etc. Long term it is a hinderance to finding the true self, I suspect. However, I agree that we can use others as mirrors in which to see ourselves.

But I'm not sure that gaining approval from others has long term value in confirming one's own value.

Did I interpreting your posting correctly in taking this implication from it?

Holy men of many persuasions go into the wilderness to encounter themselves in relation to the universe. That is, to discover their own personal 'truth' - independent of other human beings.

I'm given to understand, by Christians, that even Christ needed to do this before confirming his true self and his destiny.

I suspect that any self-confirmation that is based on the approval of others, especially lovers, is tenuous at best. Aging, film stars can vouch for this, I'm sure.

I wasn't holding a carrot up to Guest_guest to encourage him. I was trying to gain some impression of his own self-image; the criteria used by him in his self-worth assessments. I think that Carl Rogers was spot on when he strongly implied that those who don't feel that they have unconditional worth will strive for conditional regard from others to compensate. I think that feelings of unconditional worth originate in early childhood and persist as emotional memories - set in concrete. The converse, about one having only conditional worth is, I suspect, also true.

Feelings of having only conditional worth are, in my opinion, emotional memories, originating in early childhood, that persist despite all the evidence, produced by cognitions to the contrary. Despite Dr.Ruth Harris's recent 'findings' and the controversy that is now raging in the nature/nurture battle, I still believe this to be true.

However, it seems that Guest_guest is taking a breather, as I often do, and all this is probably just academic.
šŸ™‚

February 16, 2001
7:37 am
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no.. no loveable things in me. i'm miserable. i cant study. i miss my lectures, and my homeworks. i fail in class. i'm not handsome. i sit in my room all day long. i got no friends. i dont speak too clearly. i'm not expressive and talkative. i have made some enemies on the internet and if they want, they can get to me. but i'm trying to settle that down.
i have social anxiety and i am SO concious in public. my actions in public depend on the people around me. that means i'm a puppet in reality no matter how composed i try to appear.
i have more capacity to hate, than to love. when i'm in public, i'm all the time judging people. so i expect to be judged too, which causes my social anxiety.
i know all these things are bad, and ur going to give me some advice, Tez. but u gave me before too. i cant seem to follow it. it doesnt work :(. nothing works. no advice from anyone.

my good qualites? in front of all i have above, what difference would it make if i said that when i'm feeling re;axed i can be humurous and laugh easily. ucase its only like 5 or 10% of the time im feeling like that. so it doesnt matter does it?
for that matter, ANYone can feel good 10% of the time.

well ,yes that generlization applies to me. ..as u can see. tap dancing.. i left it some while ago. but even now, i put on a face in public, to show im cool and strong and not in anxiety. it works for a little while but always, it gives way to my insecure real self.

hehe.. carrot ..

i'm very slow u know.
i feel bad.

February 16, 2001
12:33 pm
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Cici
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Hey, why not read a book?

The Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu....it was written thousands of years ago, by the sage Lao Tzu. legend has it that he was trying to leave China to wander the wilderness alone. His goal was to become a hermit sage. He had to pay taxes before he left, so he sat down and wrote out his philosophy in less than 5000 Chinese characters (no mean feat).

He was never heard from or seen again....oooo. spooky.

Since you're sitting alone in your room, not doing homework or anything, why not try to read it?

February 16, 2001
4:49 pm
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i'm reading 'im ok ur ok' by dr thomas harris. at the speed of 4 pages per week.
if i had a job, i'd buy that book cici. but i dont want to, i got so many other things to do. i feel i dont have time. i know i can take time out for it, but i'd rather be sleeping that reading a book.

February 16, 2001
6:55 pm
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Guest_guest.

No... I'm not going to give you any advice, mate. I can see that the last thing you needs at the moment is someone like me giving you a whole lot of what seems like crap. šŸ™‚

I just want you to know that I think that know how you feel. I've been so down that I've wanted to crawl into a dark cave and die. I've resented the whole world so badly that I wanted to get an M16 and take out a whole lot of people. Thanks to some power greater than myself, I grew out of all that with much help from many others.

Keep the faith that all will work out well OK for you in the end, matey. That's the only apology for advice that I will burden you with - for now anyway. šŸ™‚

February 18, 2001
4:15 am
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go away! go away! i dont wanna see this!

i'm like a little child that runs away crying, like a hurt or spoilt child. dont know what to do.

treat me bad! dont give me that smily face! it makes me hurt!
i wanna shut down everything.
why do i think like this.
today was a bad day, i didnt do any work at all and had thought of doing some work. it was manageable but i just stayed in bed and let time pass.
in the end im feeling bad now, naturally. but aaaaaah.. i hate studies.

February 19, 2001
12:22 pm
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Cici
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I'm with you, man.

I've got a mid term coming up. take home essay. The first question was: Find 3 inconsistencies in book X. I read book X already and found no inconsistencies, so now I have to read it all over again!!!!!!! ACK!!!!!

February 19, 2001
5:56 pm
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Molly
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We all have those days.

February 26, 2001
6:53 am
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hi
my thread was gonna die so i thought i'd save it from being drowned in the sea of lost threads.
hehe

March 2, 2001
12:12 am
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i feel stagnant, like in a prison cell. i feel so terrible! i dont feel like going out of my room, my mouth is acidic, i need a shave, i should go do some work on the job hunt.
instead i sit on irc all day long, just watching the ppl, or going to discussion boards. shen i see someone talking about getting married and they being happy, i have the feeling similiar to one who doesnt have a leg and hes watching people run around and play.
its just like that feeling.
its like i see something that i feel from inside that i dont deserve or i will never get it.
i see men and women chatting with each other, but i get the same feeling again. as if i will never be able to do what they are doing,
just the same pain and *anguish* comes up, like someone who cant walk sees people who are running around in joy.
sigh! its so painful!
who will love me? will i love anyone? ever? sniff

March 4, 2001
6:34 pm
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ok i feel better now. got to work on some interviews hmm
ahhh.. thats only what matters now.
im sad though... my lost love. it was my fault. shes not coming back.

March 11, 2001
2:50 am
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i need a help.

im sitting at my work place and there are 3/4 people around me.
from outside i am doing my own work, but from inside i feel they are watching me. and thus i feel so concious of myself.
what is this called? social anxiety?
but i thought anxiety means worrying. hmmm maybe.

so what is this called, and can it be cured or not.
i want to be a free indivual, a carefree person. i know some ppl detest me.
one boss at my workplace (he makes jokes), said to me "guest, why are you looking at me like that?"

he sensed that im so concious of them and its true.
sigh. what do i do? šŸ™ i'm so sick of it.
there was some social anxity disorder program at the place where i study for free, and the add said resaerch shows programs like these have worked. i called but they the place is full and will open onlynext year. i dontbe here till then.
i know there might be other ways to cure it.

but what do i do šŸ™ ? why does this happen to me.
why is my face all screwed up right now, why am i licking my lips all the time, why dont i look ahead. why am i so consious as if i'm being taped !!! yes.. i feel if i'm being taped and there are a hundred eyes on me.

March 11, 2001
2:53 am
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oops type. the first line: i mean i need help.

yes and addition: i try to say to myself that they are doing their own worl and are NOT looking at me but it works for 2 seconds only! help!

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