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Guess what I have?
October 22, 2005
12:31 am
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herpes.

October 22, 2005
12:43 am
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hottamales
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did u just find that out Ella?

(((hugs hugs)))

Thanks for your support on my post awhile ago

🙂

~HT

October 22, 2005
12:52 am
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Awww Ella... so sorry to hear. They have come a long way w/ meds and treatment of it tho. Get you a good doc that will stay on top of it so you are not uncomfortable. So sorry to hear 🙁

My evil x got it and I told him i'd kill him in his sleep if he ever gave it to me. I got really lucky and didn't realize how stupid I was to take the chance. But, didn't get it.

So sorry. My heart hurts for you.

October 22, 2005
12:57 am
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Me too, Ella. I got it about 20 years ago and only had the first nasty episode, and never had an outbreak again. But it is still always there.

mamaC- Have I told you lately I like your style? Love ya, SD

October 22, 2005
1:11 am
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Just found out today, but doc's not sure. She took a culture. But she also said that had I come in sooner, she would know for sure. When they take a culture it needs a bit of moisture and since this started a few days ago it is dry already. This could lead to a false negative. How comforting is that? So how will I know?

Who will ever want to make love to me now? This was unexpected. It came as the same as my hpv outbreak so that's what i thought it was.

I feel ugly, dirty and alone more than ever. Where is my ex when I need him? Oh that's right. In rehab as usual. Bet it's not the last time either. Just wonder which one of my prince charmings gave this to me? Not that it really matters. I don't care anymore. It's my fault anyhow.

-ella

October 22, 2005
1:20 am
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sdesigns
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Ella- it is NOT your fault you have this. Someone (prince charming, as you called him) gave it to you. I don't want to get too graphic but when I got it, it was so painful, I went to the doc and she told me right away what it was, just by looking. And this was after a few days.

Got to admit, I was in shock. Didn't think that would ever happen to me. As I said before, I've never had another outbreak, blessed w/ a strong immune system. But there are drugs now to suppress it too. A huge percentage of the population has it. Its more common than we think, we just don't like to talk about it.

October 22, 2005
1:22 am
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sdesigns
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It may just be a yeast infection or something of the sorts. Same burning, etc.

October 22, 2005
1:25 am
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So what am I supposed to do? If I ever meet anyone I have to tell them about this right?

Why is it when you find out about STDs the doctors try and play it down?

How does anyone handle this?

I feel like this is the end of my sex life. Now I really want to be with my ex. He probably has it too, so at least we would keep it between us.

Well, at any rate, at least I have an excuse now to put my sexual fantasies to use. Just can't act that way. (see former thread).

October 22, 2005
1:32 am
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Well yes, it makes ex w/ new partners a little awkward. But it should be discussed.

One boyfriend I had didn't care. I told him and he just wanted to know how long he had to wait to get at me. Was really pretty endearing. Last bf (the prince charming we have spent so much time talking about) had several stds and he told me after we had already had sex once. (Gee, what was your first clue SD, that this guy was a creep?)

As I said above, it is more common than we think. I think it shows character to tell a potential partner beforehand, and influences the potential for a relationship in how it is handled. I've never had anyone reject me for it.

October 22, 2005
1:39 am
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I'm just feeling very insecure right now, the last thing i need is this.

October 22, 2005
1:47 am
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Ella:

SD is right. It's not your fault. How would you have known. You spozed to go around askin folks for a test before you sleep w/ them? I know my evil x don't tell. I think that is so chickensh**; but then he was real good at chickensh**.

I agree... it shows such strong character; compassion; just plain ol courtesy to tell a potential spouse.

Used to be folks ran if they heard such words. Now is like no big deal. My kids even tell me that. But they at least to listen to mom and take precaution, or so they say the do. Mom has been lied to before. I hope they do listen.

Ella... whether the test says yea or nay you hold your head high. You didn't ask for it, but it is something you will have to now deal w/. Do it responsibly.

May I ask if you know who gave it to you? If so, have you gone back and put your hand in his face and let him know just what a schmuck he really is?

Do tell Ella. If everyone were honest enough to tell we wouldn't have such devastation as you feel. So not fair.

October 22, 2005
2:06 am
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I know exactly how you feel. I felt as if I had a big mark on my forehead. I felt like I was marked for life and no one would ever want me. (I feel like that now but it has nothing to do w/ having herpes). Fortunately I did have some relationships after that (although my sex life lately has been as desolate as the Sahara, though not for that reason.) I was absolutely devastated. It made me feel like there's just another black mark against me, like I have no business in the romance department. But there is life after herpes. There really is. I went to some support groups and tried to adjust to it. Took me a long time to be w/ someone. I wasn't actively persuing relationships, and when they presented themselves, I was so apprehensive about getting anything started. But I am glad to say I've never given it to anyone. Wish I would have had the opportunity to make the decison for myself though as to whether I wanted to take the chance. The guy that gave it to me SOOOO wasn't worth remembering. Especially not this way.

You alluded to another std. Perhaps no dif. Still prudent to use protection, not just to protect your partner but also yourself.

October 22, 2005
2:42 am
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Mama-
I have another std- hpv- and I do believe in telling the person. This year I only went on one date and told the guy right off the bat. He was very intent on having sex- actually I have been lonely so I was pretty horny myself. But aside from not knowing him, not wanting a relationship with him, I didn't want to do this while having this thing. Actually, I know people that told me "You shouldn't have even told him. Everyone has that." That's just plain wrong.

I feel like I want to have sex with my exbf, and have said I don't want to tell him. But even after all we've been through, how angry he's made me, I'd never do that to him. I do actually love him in a weird way.
He might not have given it to me. I don't know who did. It could have been anyone. Only one of my ex's was a virgin. My first bf. My doctor says guys often don't know they have this, that is another reason why they end up blaming us!

-ella

October 22, 2005
2:44 am
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SD-

Did the support groups help?

How did you know you got it from the guy? Don't they pretty much have to know they have it and tell you?

-e

October 22, 2005
3:00 am
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Ella: Can't say the support group helped. I only went twice. I was just so freaked out that it was comforting to know someone else in the world had "it". It was a struggle just to go and show my face to a bunch of strangers.

I'm sure the guy knew he had it plus I wasn't sleeping w/ anyone else at the time. He made a refernece once about it in a conversation about it only being a minor nuisance, a few blisters. And NO- they don't HAVE to tell you. My ex got mad at me once (he had venereal warts and herpes) and I was concerned about geting the warts, I had asked him to please wear a condom and he said "What do you want to do- check my dick each time?" Made me out to be the bad guy and made me feel guilty about wanting to safeguard my own health. He had convinced (brainwashed!) me into thinking I couldn't get pregnant because of my age. Here I am w/ 3 degrees and I submitted to that. My primary concern about having unprotected sex was pregnancy. He told me he hadn't been contagious for 8 years- what a bunch of BS- it was all about him, him, him. He said the warts were no big deal- just go to the doc and have them burned off. I can't believe what I subjected myself to. Luckily I didn't get PG or get the warts. Just got my mind f'd with. Don't know which is worse.

October 22, 2005
3:04 am
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sdesigns
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Just wanted to add- here in CA it is a law that you must tell someone you have it. If someone contracts it without you telling them you can be sued for negligence in civil court. There have been several cases, Robin Willimas had the most famous one. He gave it to someone else.

October 22, 2005
3:05 am
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sdesigns
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Oops. Robin Williams.

October 22, 2005
3:18 am
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What is wrong with these people who don't tell someone? My guess is Robin Williams was high. Didn't he have a coke problem or some such?

October 22, 2005
3:27 am
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sdesigns
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Something like that. Lawsuit cost him 50K. But now he has a beautiful wife and some kids. See- there is hope. Money probably helps. Isn't it late for you? I am avoiding going in my bedroom- heard the sleezemobile come home a while ago- gotta wait for the orgasms to be over with. Earplugs here we come.

October 22, 2005
4:02 am
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Money sure does help. So did being Robin Williams I'm sure. I love him, actually, but I don't know how anyone could be around him all the time. I mean that guy is just never "off."

It is my fault in a way. If I got it from my last ex it is. We had unprotected sex. I just didnt care if I lived or died. At those times, you don't think about the inbetween.

gotta get my usual three hours sleep.
night.

October 22, 2005
4:09 am
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sdesigns
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G'Night. Sweet dreams, gf.

I know what you mean. I didn't care enough about myself to think of the "after". Was just thrilled that I had someone who I thought would care for me. As Bonbon said recently, "You want him to love you so you don't have to." Bingo.

October 22, 2005
5:45 am
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sdesigns
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Another thread I have killed.

October 22, 2005
8:45 am
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Good morning ladies.....

LOL...sd.....

Ella,

I understand all too well how you feel. I too have herpes.

I remember when I first found out like it was yesterday. I was devestated. I felt dirty. I also felt angry. I am not, nor have a ever been a permiscuous (sp?) person. Things like this were not supposed to happen to people like me....or so I thought. The person that I got it from was not some stranger that I picked up in a bar one night....he was someone that I had known for over a year. He was someone that I thought was my friend.

As difficult as it is, I have been and will be honest about it with whomever I may be with. I would never do to them what was done to me.

I have had to tell a couple of people since I got it and have had mixed reactions. My current b/f said it didn't matter to him. Another person had it as well and I was rejected once. And you know what....I wouldn't even consider it being rejected. He made a choice for himself. It was a risk that he was not willing to take and I can't say as I blame him. Had I been given the choice....I wouldn't have it today.

Despite the fact that millions of people have it (which is why they have TV commercials about it constantly) I know that is still a stigma attached to having an STD.

You asked why doctors always play it down......because in the grand scheme of things, to them, it really is not a big deal. Understand all the horrible things that doctors see and deal with everyday and try to put it into perspective. What we have is a teeny, tiny, non-life threatning virus that is so small that you can fit a million of them on the period at the end of this sentence. It is the same type of virus that causes chicken pox, cold sores and shingles. From a doctors perspective, it isn't a big deal. From a physical perspcetive, it's not a big deal. It is a big deal to us because of the societal stigma that comes with it.

But please always remember......

It is something that you have.....it does not define WHO YOU ARE.

You are a wonderful, caring, intelligent person and having an STD does not change that.

Love,
Lolli

October 22, 2005
9:48 am
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i have it too. i found out about it not too long after i met the man who is now my dh. I had to go through telling him about it after we had started sleeping together. i didn't get it from him. Apparently i had had a breakout before, but didn't know that's what it was.

mine is mild and manageable. it comes when i'm under stress (like i need icing on the cake, you know?). i take meds, but what also helps is increasing cheese in my diet and staying away from nuts and chocolate. Also, sometimes I take lysine supplements. And ibuprofin helps. I get them on the back of my throat too, that is the absolute worst. there are alot of good resources on the net.

I do think you have to tell a potential partner. Its not easy and it brings up the same feelings you are having now. i've only had to tell one person other than my dh, not bc i planned to sleep with him, but for other reasons.

Anyway, it is relatively common and I think the time for blame is passing. there are alot of resources for dealing with this.

October 22, 2005
2:34 pm
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You know, I've hear that something like 1 out of three people in amareica today has a known std. I didn't read all of these posts, Ella, but did read where you asked who would make love to you now. Well, at least one out of three people has had their own experiance with an std and knows that it is not gross or dangerous if you are protected and responsible, it is a simple fact of being sexually active in this day and age. And anyone who is not mature and responsible enough about sexuality to be aware of that is someone who is not worth your time and probably won't be about other personal matters either of the heart either.

Personal experiance, I had a boyfriend for a year that had genetal warts. He told me about it very early on in our relationship, we where always protected and well lubricated, I got tested and looked for signs regualarly, and our relationship took its natural course. TO this day I can say it was one of the most healthy relationships I ever had, and he will say that he has dated girls who cared about his std and where constantly freaking out about it, making him feel dirty, couldn't deal with it for being teh simple medical condition it was, and he cfound that in other areas in their relationship they where equally immature. I am not saying stds are not serious, scary, or that the fact that someone gave it to you so carelessly isn't detestable (I got a treatable std from my ex, daughters father WHILE breastfeeding becasue I believed he had only had one partner and had been protected--actually, 6 or more, seldom protected, then he had unprotected sex iwth me after I had the baby--some people cannot see beyond themself and thier own wants). I'm not saying that this isn't terrible for you (((((ella)))), I know what a hell of a time you have been having and am sure this does hurt twice as much on top of everything else. I'm just saying that stds are a fact of life in America today, and so many wonderful, successful happy people are living and loving and experiancing life despite. Medication is effective, and any guy who can't deal with it is probably not a guy responsible and mature enough to be able to cope with other difficult but managable problems that come up in a relationship.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you ella, I wish so much you could just have a walk in the figurative sun without any problems jumping up, just being able to enjoy yourself and your life. DOn't let this break you though, it's just one of lifes challenges that doesn't have to be all consuming. Meds work great, as do lubrication and condoms, and if nothing else, it's going to really show you peoples true colors BEFORE you are intimate with them.

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