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Grief Guilt
May 14, 2001
11:28 pm
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Frieda
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September 30, 2010
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Okay. Confession: As a teen, i slept with a guy who was dating another friend. We came clean with her, he married her, I married his best friend, she became my best friend. Now, 15 years later, he died. Mostly I just tried to be there for my friend and for my husband, as their grief was so acute. Now I feel like I have unfinished grieving for my own self and for the relationship we had, like I don't have a right to grieve. Now I dont know how to. I guess just realizing that I have some pain is at least honest, but now what?

May 14, 2001
11:50 pm
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frostycub
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September 29, 2010
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Frieda, we cannot choose who we love. It just happens. Sometimes, it's hard or even hurts to love someone. I recently was left by my wife for reasons I still can't understand...and I hate the fact that after she turned my life upside down with no notice, I still love her. If you have pain for this mans passing, do not feel guilty for it or the relationship you once had. It's great that you were there for your husband and friend, but you also need time to grieve. You also have lost someone special. Perhaps try telling your husband and friend how bad you feel. Grief is bad enough, adding guilt makes it ten times worse. True feelings and opinions are the one thing no one can ever take from you.

May 15, 2001
9:33 am
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Molly
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Why deny your grief, he was as close to you as them ? That is ok. Grief has seven stages, I can't remember them all but let it go, sounds like you all were very close, and that ultimate no thing, the powerlessness . You will hear more grief comming from both your husband and friend, who said you couldn't grieve too??? Write, and cry, process it, or you will most likely get sick. I believe in the mind body connection. Sorry for YOUR loss.

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