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Green with envy
September 13, 2009
2:31 am
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I suppose it was going to happen, inevitably.

First there was the flirting with waitresses, or other women sat at tables in restaurants, trains, parks... then the air hostesses on a trip to India, which I paid for.

Now, I have noticed that my partner is noticing the friends of his teenage daughter.

Last night we were sat having an outdoor dinner in the back garden, and a new friend, pretty and blonde, glanced over at my partner at the same time as he happened to look up from his meal. I could see that she wasn't in the least bit interested in him, just a timing issue. But, he seemed to pep up after it happened and this really irked me.

So, I said something after they'd gone. Something along the lines of "I noticed you thought she was looking at you...well, she wasn't really I checked and the one time you happened to look up, was the only time she even noticed you. And she probably thinks of you as an old man anyway."

However.... I have always felt a little insecure, even when I was younger, and hotter. I have also been a bit if a flirt when I was younger...with my friends fathers too.

So, deep down, I know that this is the start of things to come...he has another daughter, who's only 10. It used to be the mothers' of her friends I was worried about him flirting with, now it's teenager friends of the older girl.

I feel as though I will always be shunned aside when in social company. It's a living nightmare really.

Also he once pointed out to me, with some glee, that when we were in Paris last New Years....no-one flirted with me. It was really awful, as unbeknown to him, I'd felt it too. It was like I was invisible.

So, I'm older at (42), and he's more desirable at the same age (42).

Just great!

Please can anyone say anything to make me feel better?

~charlie~

September 13, 2009
4:09 am
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fantas
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I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself. In a way, you are fulfilling your own prophesy. As you pointed out you do feel insecure and this is something only you can deal with. If he tried to do everything to reassure you, you probably would still feel insecure. The fact that he is noticing that no one was flirting with you says he thinks about it and he notices which suggest to me that he isn't as secure as you might think he is. Have you considered therapy?

Having said that, you should let him know, since he seems unaware that flirting with teenagers could get him some serious jail time. He is old enough to be their father so he really shouldn't even be noticing them this way.

Why do you think you flirted with your friends fathers?

Keep posting and reading these threads. You aren't alone.

September 13, 2009
10:45 am
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fantas,

Yes, you're right. It is my issue. If I had brighter eyes, whiter teeth, silkier hair, then it would be less of an issue, but for me, stuck in my body, it is totally my issue. And I take issue with that...how come we're told we can be okay with what we're given...I call that denial. I'm just too much of an analyst, too.
And I hate women who flirt for he sake of it...for their own validation....do they realise the hurt they cause? It's not great is it?

Back in a mo...no privacy here...

September 13, 2009
10:55 am
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In answer to 'Why do you think you flirted with your friends fathers?'

Answer is...it made me feel powerful. I was one of those sell-out blondes who thought that looks could get you anywhere.

Okay so that's why this is my Mirror of Erised...I wish I was that young blonde teenager...turning heads, again. AND i'M NOT.

I write, I don't try to 'write' here...that would be a busman's holiday....I need support, or a proverbial slap in the face...so that I don't become the leathered bitter hag that resents the world for it's rejuvination conspiracy....

September 13, 2009
11:16 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Well Charlie I am 41 and don't feel like an old hag yet. I wouldn't be a teenager again for all the tea in China. It was miserable. Get a grip. Get a facial. Get a makeover. Get a new hairstyle. Go home and rock his world.

Bitsy

September 13, 2009
11:30 am
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What I thought was odd was your partner's statement about no one flirting with you when you were in Paris. WTF??? When you are in a relationship you are to forsake all others, that means not paying attention or flirting with other people, PERIOD.

Regarding his noticing the teen and what not. Do you think this really happened or are your insecurities coming into play? Men notice hot chicks. Women notice hot men and women, we look at women in comparison to ourselves and we look at hot men because ummmm they are HOT. We are human. It is inappropriate to make comments, to noticeably gawk, to make it so your partner is uncomfortable--these things are inappropriate and should not be tolerated.

I notice a beautiful women. My man does. We talk about it sometimes. Maybe our relationship is different. I like women as well as men. My man and I have a pretty hot sexual relationship. We share our fantasies. We are very open with each other. I used to be a stripper and men are attracted to sex but in honestly they don't want to settle down with the woman with super huge fake boobs and a tiny waist. They want a real person that they can introduce to their family without embarassment. They want a woman that has a life of her own. They want a woman who is confident and sure of herself. If you are insecure your insecurities will shine through and corrupt your relationships. You will tend to perceive things that aren't happening or you will blow minor things out of the water.

Woman with insecurities tend to pick men who make them feel more insecure, basically they end up in toxic relationships. You man shouldn't be openly gawking at women, making lewd comments, comparing your body to women you pass on the street, etc. A quick glance is harmless in my opinion. No head turning though, no "hot dam look at the ass" type of statements. Basically steer clear of jerks.

September 13, 2009
11:55 am
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aqueen said it all.

First off Charlie, men like pretty woman, and that is ok, its ok to glance, but when they start "staring" and making lewd comments, that is overboard, and just plain rude towards any woman the guy is with.

I "used" to be with this type of guy, he would literally "stare" at the hot pretty gal, even when i was with him, and he called me "insecure"...well, why be rude!!! I am not insecure, i just demand more respect.

Any guy who stares, drools, makes comments shouldn't be in a stable relationship. There will always be someone prettier, than the last hot chick girl, etc.

He needs to appreciate you for who you are with all your inner and outer beauty!!

And 42 is not old, you need to pick up on all the good things about you, heck i just turned 44 and look great for my age, I am not old, I try to take care of myself and be the best that I can.

Charlie, maybe its time to start asking why you want to be with a man who "looks" alot at other woman??

September 14, 2009
11:00 am
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Bitsy AQueen and Camer...thanks for your replies.

I've read them, and have been thinking about the points you mentioned. I've not had time to reply to each yet though...partly exhaustion, and also, son off sick from school!

I feel less fraught about the situation, as we did make up over it, and made various pledges and promises. I am scared to lose him. I seem to love him more when it looks like we're breaking up. When we're together he drives me nuts. I know how wrong that is, but I'm still trying to see an example of relationship in perfect symmetry and balance...and learn from that, but it's hard to find.

I will reply when I can, please bear with me...I really do appreciate your thoughts and the questions I am mulling over...

~charlie~ x

September 14, 2009
11:35 am
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Thought we could all use this:

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing ruby red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her younger cousin could never dream of.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bitsy

September 15, 2009
7:57 am
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Bitsy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : ) thnx
~c~ xxx

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